Episode 262: Leadership Presence (Part 1) - The Hidden Cost of Leadership Distraction

Darrin Peppard (00:00.866)

Hey everybody, welcome into episode 262 of the Leaning Into Leadership podcast. This episode is the first in what is going to be a three-part series. In this series, I wanna talk about leadership presence. I wanna talk about the hidden cost that comes with being distracted as a leader. In the second part of this series, we're gonna talk about how we break through that cycle of chaos that is what probably keeping us

in that layer of distraction. And then finally, talk about some of the interpersonal work and just some of the steps that you can take as a leader to be as present as possible. Now, before we jump into today's conversation, I want to thank the sponsors who make this show possible, starting with our friends at Digicoach. If you're a school leader, an instructional coach, or a district administrator trying to get a clearer picture of what's actually happening in your classrooms,

Digicoach is a powerful tool to support that work. It allows you to collect walkthrough data quickly and efficiently. It allows you to identify trends and align your feedback to your instructional priorities. But here's what I really appreciate about Digicoach. It isn't just about collecting data. It helps you focus your leadership. Instead of reacting to these random observations, you'll actually start to see patterns. You become more intentional and

When you're more intentional, you're more present in the coaching conversations that follow. If you want to tighten up your instructional leadership, lead with clarity instead of chaos, check out Digicoach. I'll drop a link in the show notes or simply go to digicoach.com and let them know you heard about them here on the Leaning Into Leadership podcast for special partner pricing. Now this episode is also brought to you by our friends at HeyTutor.

You know, one of the biggest challenges that we face as leaders is making sure every student has access to the support that they need, especially when learning gaps can feel overwhelming. HeyTutor partners with schools and districts to provide high impact tutoring solutions, both virtual and in person, that are aligned to your goals. Instead of scrambling to create intervention systems on your own, HeyTutor helps you put structured

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research-based support in place so students can close gaps and gain confidence. And here's why that matters for today's conversation. When systems are strong, leaders can stop firefighting and start being present where it matters the most. If you're looking to strengthen your intervention support, check out Hey Tutor. There's a link down in those show notes that will let them know you heard about them here on the Leaning Into Leadership podcast. All right, now.

Let's talk about something we just don't name enough in leadership. Have you ever walked away from a conversation and realized that you really weren't actually there? Maybe you know you were in the conversation, but your body was in the room. But maybe even your voice responded, but was your mind truly there? Probably not. I had this happen to me before where I'm

in the room, I'm in the conversation, I'm responding, but I was three meetings ahead, or I'm replaying a tough email in my mind, hashing out a conversation that I know I need to have, but I haven't had yet. Maybe it was just solving a problem that hadn't even occurred. Here's the harder question. Has someone ever walked away from you feeling like they weren't seen or heard?

as a part of the conversation. And not because you don't care, not because you're bad leader, but because you were distracted. Today, that's what I wanna talk about, the hidden cost of leadership distraction. Because presence isn't a simple, soft thing, and it's certainly not fluffy. And for that matter, it's not optional. Presence is what drives your culture work. Now, I think back to my days as a high school principal,

And I know that there were seasons where I was operating at absolute full speed. I was constantly interrupted. I know I was dealing with discipline issues or parent emails or staffing concerns or whatever. You know, it could have been community pressure. It could have been something from the superintendent. I mean, you name it. I know that there were seasons where I was full throttle. And I remember sitting in a conversation with a teacher who was really struggling.

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I was at a point with that particular teacher where I wasn't sure if I was even going to be keeping them around for the following year. In that particular conversation, they shared something with me that really was very vulnerable. They were willing to lean in and tell me something that mattered deeply to them. And I was nodding along, but I think my mind wasn't fully there. mean, internally,

I was thinking about the next fire that I had to go put out. My laptop screen was open and I could see the emails popping in. That teacher deserved so much of a better version of me on that particular day, in that particular moment. They shared something so deep with me and I wasn't 100 % there. They deserved to have my eyes. They deserved to have my attention. They deserved to have my cause.

But what they got was a very distracted principle.

Now, I don't share that with you to shame myself, although I don't come off very good in that story. I share it because it's something that later I became aware of, and I want to challenge you to make sure you're aware of those types of moments so you don't repeat that particular mistake that I did. I mean, the reality is most leaders that I work with

The leaders that I hear from every single day, the leaders that I see or that I meet at conferences, they're not uncaring people. They are very deeply empathetic people who care about the people around them. They're just simply overloaded with so many things coming at them. And I think that's what we tend to underestimate. When leaders aren't fully president,

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There are really three things that kind of start to erode. Number one is trust, two is psychological safety, and three is the emotional connection that you want to have with the people that you lead. When you're distracted, just think about this, put yourself in a conversation that you've been in recently that maybe you weren't 100 % there. Maybe that was with someone that you lead in your school, maybe that was with your spouse or one of your kids, but

We've all had those conversations where we weren't fully present. I am as guilty still as anyone.

Put yourself in that conversation. And I want you to think about it. Does the other person notice that you're not fully there? You might say all the right things. You might even offer the right solution if they're asking for one. But in general, humans are pretty intuitive. If somebody feels half-seen, eventually they're going to stop coming to you with the real issues. They're going to find somebody else that

will give them 100 % of themself during the conversation.

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When that happens, you don't just lose efficiency, you lose honesty, you lose trust. When honesty and trust have left, that's when we see the culture and our organization start to go in the wrong direction. You see, presence is so much more than just having time or having more time available. It's all about how you regulate yourself.

in moments to be fully available.

When we're distracted, what that communicates is, I have bigger things to deal with.

What presence communicates is you matter right now. Takes me back to another story. There was a moment in time where I think we were at a Christmas gathering, pretty sure that's what it was. And I was having a conversation with an individual who I honestly don't have that many conversations with or at that time I did not. Wonderful human being, somebody who worked in our maintenance department. And we're really having a good conversation, but I kept, my eyes kept drifting.

every time somebody else walked in the room, almost like I was waiting for somebody else. And I remember him saying at a point, are you waiting for someone else? And it was kind of a glass shattering moment for me. It made me say, whoa, whoa, I'm not giving this person my full attention. Really kind of helped wake me up because if I hadn't had that opportunity to kind of wake up a little bit.

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I don't know that I would have ended up having as good a relationship with that individual as ultimately I did. Presence is really important. Presence communicates, you matter right now. And all the other stuff I'm capable of setting aside. And of course, we know overload plays a whole lot in that. If you recall, I've talked before about the cycle of chaos, how reactivity and cognitive overload

can ultimately steal your clarity. And I don't wanna just revisit that framework today. You can go back and listen to that episode. It's been a very popular episode.

Instead, what I want to do is just name something a little more subtle. Oftentimes, leaders might confuse productivity with impact. We think things like, if I can just clear the inbox, if I could just move a little faster, if I could solve a few more problems, if I can just stay ahead of the next issue, then clearly I'm doing my job well. But leadership isn't just about solving problems.

Leadership isn't about checking a bunch of things off at the end of the day.

And especially early career leaders, see this frequently and I was guilty of this one. But when we do check off a whole lot of things, when we solve a whole lot of other people's problems, when we go in and get the inbox down to zero or, you know, whatever it might be, we feel necessary. We feel like we're being fulfilled, like we are proving

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that we were the right choice for this job.

But that's not leadership. That's management. Leadership is about leaning in and stabilizing our people, leaning in and listening to our people, being there. It requires your presence. You can't calm other people's nervous systems if you're dysregulated, right? And part of being dysregulated sometimes is just being so overloaded that you are in a hundred other places than where you should be.

in that particular conversation. You can't help other people create clarity when your mind is all over the place. Presence begins with you finding a way to be steady internally. So let me give you something practical that you can use. Not just tell you you need to do this. Here's something you can use, something I have used frequently. I call it a 60 second reset. Just stop moving.

In between one meeting to the next or one conversation to the next, just stop moving and take three slow deep breaths.

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like that. Now that's one, but three deep slow breaths. Then I want you to ask three questions. One, what does this person need from me right now? So as you get ready to head into that conversation, into that meeting, pick up the phone and return that call. One, what does this person need from me right now? Question two, what energy am I bringing into this room?

into this conversation? And three, what outcome actually matters most here?

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Slow down.

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Just slow down. Take those breaths. Ask yourself those questions. That 60 second reset will help you calm your mind, move away from that dysregulation, and get yourself fully present as you enter that conversation. If you think about how you start that conversation.

your presence and how you choose to be present can come very quickly, very clearly with how you say your very first sentence. Lower your tone, slow your pace, make very good eye contact. Obviously if it's a phone call, that's a little different thing, but still slow your pace. Most importantly, put your phone down.

Again, if it's a phone call, different deal, but in an in-person conversation, put your phone down or leave it in your pocket.

Don't just say, it's on silent or something like that. Literally put the phone down, face down. It sends a signal to them and to you, this moment matters. And whatever is on that phone can wait. Because here's what I know. The leaders who really change culture, the leaders who really build loyalty, the leaders who people trust the most, especially in the most difficult moments, they're not the ones who are the quick fast thinkers.

They're the ones that are the most present in those conversations. You don't meet more hours than a day. You really don't. You just need to be a little bit more intentional in your moments.

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Now, as we transition to our next episode, we're gonna talk about how to intentionally create some margins so you can show up in this way on a consistent basis, not just accidentally or because you did a 60 second reset. But for now, here's a reflection question for you to ponder before we get to episode two of this three part series. Where this week does someone need you to be fully present?

And just think about that. And you don't have to identify a bunch. Find one. Where does somebody need the fully present version of you this week? Lean into that moment, because that's leadership. Thank you so much for listening to this special episode of the Leaning Into Leadership podcast. Until next time, get out there and have a road to awesome week.