Episode 264: Leadership Presence (Part 3) - The Interpersonal Work That Makes It Real

Darrin Peppard (00:00.214)

Welcome back into the Leaning Into Leadership podcast. This is episode 264 and it is part three of our three-part series on leadership presence. In episode 262, we talked about the hidden cost of distraction, how trust and psychological safety begin to erode when we aren't fully present. In episode 263, we talked about building margin, how presence must be engineered through calendar integrity, decision discipline,

and clarity around your top priorities. Today, we're going to bring this series home because you can block time on your calendar, you can take deep breaths, you can even slow your pace, and people will still know if you're not really there. Think about it. Have you ever been in a conversation when someone was technically present, but you didn't really feel seen or heard? They were looking at you.

They probably were nodding along. fact, they were probably responding to you, but you knew that something felt off. And that's because presence is not a performance. I'm going to say that again. Presence is not a performance. Presence is all about connection. Now, before we dive into this conversation, I want to take a moment and thank the sponsors who make this show possible.

This episode is brought to you by our friends at HeyTutor. If you are a school or district leader wrestling with unfinished learning, staffing shortages, or intervention systems that just aren't producing the results you want, HeyTutor is a partner worth exploring. They provide high impact tutoring solutions, both virtual and in person, that align directly to your district goals and your instructional priorities. What I really appreciate about HeyTutor

is that they don't just send tutors and hope for the best. They help districts build structured, research-based support systems that integrate into your existing framework. They handle the logistics, the staffing, the data tracking, and the accountability so you can focus on leading. And here's why that matters in the context of today's episode. When your academic systems are strong, you're not constantly reacting. You're not firefighting.

Darrin Peppard (02:28.034)

You're not scrambling to try and fill the gaps. Strong systems create leadership margin, and margin is what makes presence possible. If you're looking to strengthen intervention support in your district or in your school, check out heytutor.com. Now there's a link down in the show notes, so you will be able to let them know that you heard about them here on the Leaning Into Leadership podcast. This episode is also brought to you by our friends at Digicoach.

If you're serious about instructional leadership, Digicoach is one of the most practical tools available to help you move from random walkthroughs to meaningful coaching conversations. Digicoach allows you to collect classroom data quickly and efficiently. It allows you to identify school-wide trends and it allows you to align your feedback to your instructional priorities so you can actually track growth over time.

But what really sets Digicoach apart is how it supports intentional leadership. Instead of walking classrooms and reacting to isolated moments, you begin to see patterns. Patterns will allow you to coach strategically. Strategic coaching is what builds clarity. And of course, clarity allows you to show up in those conversations fully present instead of scattered. When you know what you're looking for, you're calmer.

When you're calmer, you're more present. And when you're more present, trust goes up. If you want to lead with clarity instead of chaos, head to digicoach.com and let them know you heard about them here on the Leaning Into Leadership podcast for special partner pricing.

All right, let's talk about the interpersonal work now that makes presence real. Because the truth is this, some leaders learn how to look present. They get pretty polished at it.

They know how to maintain eye contact. They slow their tone. They even nod at the right moments. But real presence goes so much deeper than that. To me, real presence is a combination of three things. First, it's attention. Second, curiosity. And third, emotional regulation. So let's break this all down. First, let's talk about attention. I mean, undivided.

Darrin Peppard (04:53.184)

attention. That means you're not scanning the hallway when someone is talking. You're not checking your watch. You're not mentally preparing your response while they're still speaking. You are fully there. Second, curiosity. Curiosity has to occur over correction. Too often as leaders, we listen with the intent to fix. We listen for the problem

so then we can go and solve it. We listen for the flaw so we can correct it. But genuine presence instead is asking, tell me more.

Intentional presence, genuine presence, leans in instead of jumping in. That intentional, genuine presence seeks to understand before seeking to respond. And the third is emotional regulation. If you are defensive, if you're impatient, frustrated, or even driven by your ego, people will feel it immediately. You cannot fake this.

If you're dysregulated, the room will be dysregulated. This is where many leaders struggle. And it's not because they don't care, and it's not because they equate leadership with having all the answers. I mean, honestly, early in my leadership journey, I thought my job was to solve everything. Have that answer. Move quickly. Fix. Move on. Sometimes the most powerful leadership move is silence.

Sometimes it's letting someone fully process out loud without interruption. Sometimes it's resisting the urge to correct. Here are four practical signals of genuine presence that you can start using immediately. First is your body orientation. Turn toward the person. Close your laptop. Put your phone face down. Not just silence it.

Darrin Peppard (07:04.952)

Put it face down. That communicates to them, you matter right now. Second, just slow down in the first 30 seconds. How you begin a conversation sets the tone for how everything else follows. If you come in excited or you come in angry, that sets the tone. Instead, come in.

with a lower tone. Relax your posture and don't rush to get that first sentence in. Third, ask one more question. When you think the conversation is over, ask, is there something else I should know? Man, that question right there, that has unlocked more trust in my leadership journey than almost anything else.

Fourth, follow up. Presence doesn't end when the conversation does. Just do a quick check-in the next day. That hallway conversation, you know, the one where you stop by and say, you know, I was thinking about what you shared yesterday. Man, you talk about something that's going to build enormous relational equity? That, that's presence. That's what builds culture. If you don't do that, that's what builds walls.

lean in, have that simple conversation. Let me give you a few very simple reflection questions as we close out this series. I want you to ask yourself who that you lead feels safe as talking to you. Who do you think might be the most guarded or maybe the most hesitant to have a conversation with you?

Think about what patterns you might unintentionally be creating.

Darrin Peppard (09:12.524)

Because when it comes to presence, it's not an on-off switch. It's something you do. It's this constant moving pendulum. We talked about this in the last one.

Darrin Peppard (09:25.304)

So keep in mind that when you protect margin, when you regulate yourself, and when you lean in with curiosity, that pendulum is going to swing much more toward that consistently connected presence.

Darrin Peppard (09:43.648)

Again, in the first episode, we talked about the cost of distraction. When you are not present, fully present, that's where we lose trust. That's where we lose culture. Episode two, we just talked very intentionally about building that margin.

Darrin Peppard (10:03.832)

This one, all about that relational work. So let me give you a reflection question specifically for this particular episode.

Where do you need to replace fixing with listening?

Let me take that one step further and tell you a story real fast.

Early in my superintendent career, I had a leader on my staff who consistently interrupted others. He was jumping to fixing. He was jumping to correcting. Ultimately, he listened to correct. He listened to jump in. He listened to respond.

If you're jumping to fix, if you're jumping to correct, force yourself to pause to just listen a little more.

Darrin Peppard (11:05.728)

just simply listening to comprehend instead of listening to fix or listening to correct.

That increases your presence so very much.

Now remember, when it comes to your presence, big keys right here. Number one, protect the margin.

Number two, keep yourself regulated. Think about how you are showing up in each and every one of those conversations. And then finally, lead with that curiosity. Ask the extra question.

build the relationships, that is what presence is all about. Not just standing there, not just being in the room, but about genuinely connecting one human to the other. To me, that's leadership.

Darrin Peppard (12:05.516)

Hey, I hope you found value in this three-part series. I have really enjoyed doing it. It was certainly something that has had me reflecting on my own leadership, not just professionally, but honestly, personally. This particular one, especially when I think about that intentional presence, that set the phone down, that really dial in, I know that's an area that I'm gonna be focusing on.

continuing to challenge myself to grow. Hopefully as you went through the course of this three part series, you found at least one thing that you could say, yeah, that's something I wanna challenge myself on. That's something that I know I can continue to grow and get better. Hey, if you found value in this series, please share it with somebody else who might benefit from it. And don't forget, rate, review, and subscribe so we can continue.

to grow our leaning into leadership community of intentional leaders. Hey, until next time, get out there, have a road to awesome week.