Positivity, Intentionality, and Evolving With Gratitude with Lainie Rowell

What's going on everybody? I hope this finds you striving and thriving and doing absolutely amazing. My name is Brian Martin. I'm a second grade teacher and host of the teaching champions podcast. And I'm extremely excited for this episode, because today, we have Lainey, Raul on the show. And Lanie is an educator, an international consultant, a podcaster, a TEDx speaker, and she's the author of multiple books, including her latest one, evolving with gratitude. And this is such a special interview. And it's a must listen. Because we talk about all things, gratitude, and gratitude is something that can be so life changing, if we bring it into our lives. And listen today is Laney talks about the importance of six to one, the benefits of being present, of paying attention of noticing the world around you, and so much more. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. I am super excited for this episode today. Because our guest is someone that is a podcaster and author. And one of my favorite questions at the end of every podcast is asked someone who they would recommend for a podcast and this individual's podcast has been dropped multiple times. So I know we're going to learn so much today. And I want to welcome Lanie Raul to the podcast. Lanie Welcome to the teaching champions podcast. I am super excited to be here. Thank you for having me. And you know, longtime listener first time caller very excited. Well, I am excited for this one too, because we're getting into a one of my favorite topics, which is gratitude. And I know you're an expert. But for those people that don't know, or who might not be familiar with you as much, could you please give us who you are, and a little bit about your journey team. I would love to Don't worry, I won't start with I was born on a cold night in August. cold night in August, that would be weird anyways right now. So I was actually a psychology major, I planned on going that route. And part of my psychology program, earning that degree was actually to do some fieldwork. I happen to choose going into a school and working with a learner who had special needs. And I just fell in love with working with kids, I decided I was going to become a special ed teacher. That was my mission. I had a family friend who was an educator and said, Oh, please go figure out your mistakes in general ed, before you go to special ed, please. Okay, that seems fair. And so I did go the gen ed route, I actually taught, wait for it second grade for years. So we're we have a real strong connection there. But it actually the order of grades that I taught was kinder, and then sixth grade, then first grade, and then I looped a group to second grade to start a new school. And when I was a part of that new school opening, we didn't have a lot of technology, but it was all very new and robust. And the idea was, you know, how can we use this technology to meet the needs of all learners. And I just fell in love with the ways that we can use technology to give learners voice and choice to give them more choice about PACE path, place all these things that it really opened up and met the needs of all learners. And I decided not to go into special ed, because there's a lot of kids who need support who will not be designated special ed, I wanted to really focus on how could I use technology to meet the needs of all learners. And throughout that I always kept this, you know, the psychology like love of relationships, building a positive culture has always been a huge part of that. So it's kind of this positive culture, meeting the needs of all learners. Those are kind of the through lines in my career. I ended up working in a district office for a number of years and then Apple approached me about being a consultant for them. I asked my district for a leave I said can I go try this and then we let me come back if it doesn't work out and they were so gracious They totally gave me a leave. And then a year later, they said, are you coming back and they said, Oh, I love you. I'm not. And it was really, really hard because I loved my district. And I worked with amazing people. And there's a lot of those amazing people still in that district. But it was a great opportunity. And now I get to travel all over. In fact, next week, I'll be in Canada. So lots of fun. That's fantastic. It's amazing. Like, where our journey takes us. And the things that we learned along the way. It is, and you the journey is for sure what it is, in fact, sometimes people will say, wow, how did you get to do what you do? And I said, Well, I will partly blame the fact that I'm not good at saying no. And that also, I tend to say yes, even when I'm afraid, because I just feel like it's a good learning opportunity. And even if I fail forward, I can learn something from that. So that's, I love that they you say yes, even if you're afraid. It's not an easy thing, right? Isn't that like a definition of courage and bravery, it's not that you're not afraid, it's that you're afraid that you keep going anyways. And so I try and hold myself accountable for that, like, you can do this. It's, it's gonna be okay. And if you don't do it right the first time, you'll get it the next time or the time after that, or 10 times later. I don't know. I think that that man mentality just shows with everything that you've done from your consulting work. And then you look at your podcasts that you have out right now the books that you have published. So I just think that that mentality is carried you so far. Oh, you're so kind. You're so kind. Well, and I'm just I'm, you know, been podcasting for a long time. But I don't have the library that you do. So I'm working towards that. But I love your podcast, and I love all the work you're doing and second grade? Yes. Well, it's funny about that. I started out in kindergarten as well. I did kindergarten first. And second, we have a lot in common. We do. And I'll tell you, I am so old. This is a real fun way to start it, isn't it? I am so old that when I started teaching kindergarten, you could have four year olds in your class. That's how old I am. Did you have four year olds in your class? You know what I'm trying to think back now. I might. You know, I was very cool. I had you younger than me until I heard you on a podcast the other day. We're about the same age. So we're right there. Yeah, I don't know about that. You You look a lot fresher. I don't, I don't always feel so fresh. So your book just came out, evolving with gratitude. And I think that's perfect. Especially, you know, November comes around, we always suit up and we really push the gratitude. But I think it should be so much more than just November. It should carry us through the whole year. And I'm just interested, right now, why did you pick gratitude? So it's interesting. Again, psychology, major relationships has always been like such a crucial part. And I really think that I have always, this will sound kind of silly, appreciated gratitude. That sounds a little redundant, but but I don't actually think I understood the power of it until I'll be honest. So COVID. So my first book came out. March 13, of 2020. I wrote it with Lauren Simon Christie, Andre. And so let me just say that date again, march 13 2020. And so yes, I know, there were much more important things going on in the world. But on a personal level, that is not the day you want your first book coming out like, no, no, no, no. So in addition to it, feeling like the sky is falling, and what is going to happen to humanity, I on a personal level, and kind of throw in a pretty decent pity party about like, how this book took five years in the making, like how could this happen? The world is so unfair. And then. And then like a week, a weekend to shut down. I came across this poem by Laura Kelly for Nucci. And it's called when this is over. And I even I put it in the book because this this poem really, really was a pivotal moment for me and I don't do the poem justice, but it's like a handshake with a stranger full shelves at the store conversations with neighbors. And I took so many things away from reading this poll. And it went viral. By the way some of your listeners may have even read it. And it's I think I said it's in the book. It was like this wake up call to go oh my gosh, look at everything that was happening on a day to day basis that I was completely taking for granted. It was also a call to action to like Oh, but look at what you actually have right now. And your husband your kids are safe and healthy and with you At home, you have a decent supply of toilet paper, there's food. You know, there's some people in New York who they couldn't get Instacart like, there was some really crazy things happening. And so it was a reflecting on the past, it was a, okay be really grateful for what you have now. And it was also a call to action to think about in the future when this is over, may I be better for this. And so it really just was like, the swift kick in the butt. I needed hope that doesn't tag you with an E for this episode. But no explicit language, right? That's fine. It was a real a real wake up call. I shifted my perspective, we started doing gratitude practices at home, I started making gratitude jars and dropping them off at the neighbor's house. I didn't really think anything of it. And then in the weeks and months to follow, my neighbors would be like, Hey, we just want to tell you that gratitude jar that changed us like that made a huge difference. And I was like, Oh, wow. I mean, I knew it made a big difference in our family. But I didn't really think it was it. I mean, it sounds silly to say, but I didn't appreciate what a universal gratitude is, and all the benefits, right? No, absolutely. So I ended up, George Couros invited me to write a chapter for because of a teacher, I got to write in the administrator section I wrote about a principal who changed my life, and I considered it this like, public letter of gratitude. And it was one of the most joyful experiences of my life. And basically, I haven't stopped writing about gratitude since then. That's fantastic. And, you know, I completely understand where you will be at a low point when you work so hard at something, and then it just the worst possible time for it to really come out. And for that, to lead you on this gratitude journey. So let me ask you this real quick, what would you define gratitude for you as, oh, my gosh, you're, you're turning the tables on me. Because you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make you come on my podcast. And on my podcast, I'm going to ask you this. So usually, I'm the one asking this question. I'm going to tell you my definition, from a broad perspective, is, you know, seeing the good and acknowledging that it might have come from somewhere else, another source, another person, another circumstance or something like that, an event. And I'm really Dr. Robert Emmons is the world's leading scientific expert on the science of gratitude. And I really am so thankful for him, I've actually been in contact with him, he wrote a beautiful endorsement for the book. But he is to me, the pioneer and still the leading expert. And so that definition has been shaped in part by my you know, diving into his research. He's written a number of books on gratitude. And but I will say that, depending on what day you catch me, what kind of nuance of gratitude am I focusing on might be different, right? Like, in this moment, when you're asking me and I even just, as I told the story about Laura Kelly finishes poem, like, I don't tell that the same way every time. But when I said it, this time, I was focusing on like, reflecting, being present and looking to the future, and the gratitude and all of those ways. And so it just kind of in the moment, what am I? Where am I what's happening in my life. And so, to me, my definition of gratitude is a bit dynamic. I love that. And I love how it can be different things at different moments. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Now, as you're diving into this gratitude research, and you're gathering all the information, did it change how you felt about it and how you practiced it in your own home? It did. And you know what, honestly, the if you look at the cover of the book, it'll say Lainey at Laney Ral at the top evolving with gratitude. And that wasn't intentional to put my name at the top, not because I'm the author, because a lot of times authors are on the bottom, and it wasn't like, make sure my name is enlightened as much as possible. Actually, no. It was really meant to read like Lainey is evolving with gratitude. And so when you asked me like, Have things changed, they're constantly changing, just like I said, it's dynamic. And my my definition changes in the moment. I think one of the things I would say it's evolving, but it's also kind of an caught ongoing, being intentional and authentic about it. Right. So I think this practice of being present is like not a you've nailed it, and you never have to do it again. To me, that's an ongoing thing. And so that is why that is one of the many reasons why gratitude is so powerful to me. It's because it forces me to be in the moment and really notice what's going on. I think that is powerful. And I love number one that you talk about evolving. Because we're never a finished product. You know, the older we get, the more we evolve. And what I also love is you talked about being authentic and being intentional. Because I think that gratitude practice and you talk about this in your book a little bit, because we're hardwired for negativity, that if we want, and just from my own personal experience, like if we want to invite that gratitude to the utmost into our lives, I think you have to be intentional about that and, and really focus on that. You do. And I again, Dr. Emmons, I'm so grateful for him, it's I've actually heard him talk about his journey to like study gratitude, it was kind of a funny story, I won't tell it nearly as well as he would. But basically, he was, you know, in his program, and it was the last topic available. Like, all these other you know, all these other topics were available, and, and gratitude was what was left for him. And so he ended up diving really, really deeply into it. So what Dr. Emmons talks about, is, you can be feeling grateful, but that feeling is fleeting. You want to I call it a grateful disposition, like you want to start from living. That's your lens. And that is what helps us move out of that negativity bias. Because like you said, we're all wired to see like, and this the teachers, I think this happens, I doubt it happens more, but it feels like it happens more, right? Like we do 100 lessons, that just like really rock. Wow. I mean, like not that I'm gonna give myself this slow clap, but like really did a pretty good job here. And then we'll have one lesson where we just cannot get through to one or more, and it just like we're facing in our head against the wall, like, How is this not working, I tried so hard for this, we will perceive operate on that one out of 100. That is just human nature. It's super frustrating. But when we practice gratitude, it helps us move out of that 100%. And I love when you talked about focusing on being present. I'm reading a book right now called The Art of noticing things. And the whole book is about being present, and leading with intentionality. So when you talk about really being present, really noticing those 99 things, because you're right, we we focus on that one. And somehow that 99 beautiful, wonderful, amazing things that we did slipped through our hand. Yeah, but that one bad moment you hold on to. So like you said, it's welcoming that gratitude and learning ways that we can hold on to it. You know, if I, I am so glad you're you're really with me on this noticing being so essential. Could I talk a little bit more about that, if you're okay with that? I would love that. So it's been interesting to me, because like I said, I'm evolving. And you asked earlier, like, what things are shifting so many things are constantly evolving, and I'm constantly learning and when I was researching for the book, I came across Dr. Hussain and her team had come up with a protocol for gratitude. Notice, think, feel and do. So notice is the first step right? Then we think about it try and be really thoughtful, like, why did these things come to me? How did I you know, how did this happen to me, and then really relishing the feelings like savoring those feelings, living in those feelings as much as we can and then doing something. And we can talk more about that in a minute. But I just want to go back to the notice, because I'm a I'm a Brene Brown fan, I listened to her podcasts. Spoiler alert for the end of the show, that's when I would probably list but she had the Gottman is on. And the goblins are relationship experts. They are focused on longevity and marriage. And when they were on the episode, it was so interesting, because they're like, well, first of all, I like to talk about the praise to correction ratio. Praise is a form of gratitude. And so for your listeners who might not be familiar with it, I got this from my earning my psychology degree. I did not get this in my teacher prep program, but I was taught this is kind of nuts. Listeners, think about what you think it is, how many positives to negative, what do you think it's supposed to be? If you need more time, pause, it is six to one is what I was taught and that number has held up over time, roughly five, they say more than five to one, I'm going to round up to six, a six to one that's hard. So you know when I'm doing a speaking engagement, I will often say I'll often put up like the VIIa character strengths and I'll say things because someone you're like, so grateful for some new Soul love. And think of all what do you see in them? And you know, they're like, just lighten it up, check, check, check, check, oh, they're this, they're this, they're this. And then they say, Okay, now, I want you to think about someone who challenges you. Someone who is not making your life easier. And then I put the words back up, and I say, now I need you to look and see what do you what do you see for that person, because we all have good things in us. But one of the things and I'm guilty of this with my own children, is I want improvement so badly, I tend to do, just like with the negativity bias, I tend to point out all these negatives, and then that prays to correction, six to one, not six to zero, we need to do improvement, overwhelmingly see the good. And so then the goblins were on Brene browns, and they're like, the best partnerships focus more on the good than the What's wrong, right. And I'm butchering their quote, but it's in my Instagram feed if anyone wants to see it, but that really hit home to me because like, I get so focused on, you know, the education world. But this is not just about the education world, this is an all of our relationships with our friends, with our, with our partners, with our kids, with our parents, like, with everyone like this is how you nurture relationships. Yes, and I absolutely love that. And we'll keep it outside the classroom real quick, when when you talk about that six to one, if you think about like sometimes the people that we're closest with that inner circle, whether it's our loved ones, whether it's our friends, I think we get comfortable. When you're first with someone when you first and that, you know, you look at newlyweds, or that people are just discovered that relationship, they're dropping that that it's probably 20 to 30 to one. But once you've been married for a few years, you know, it's easy to drop it where you might be one to one or that ratio definitely goes down. So I love the fact that you brought that to longevity within relationships. So I have a story to tell you if you don't mind. My husband and I got married in Italy. And the priest who married us said, the day before the ceremony. He's like, I want you to think about Niagara Falls and you go to Niagara Falls and you're just in awe. It's so wonderful. It's so beautiful. This is like the best vacation of your life. And he says, Okay, now imagine you live at Niagara Falls, stop with the wonder you stopped with the ah, you stop seeing how beautiful it is because you get used to it. And don't let that happen in your marriage. You're going to be living at Niagara Falls never forget how amazing Niagara Falls is. I was like, that's a really good and that reminds me of Dan Gilbert out of Harvard. He kind of one of the ways he articulates it's called the hedonic treadmill or hedonic adaptation, which is just the idea that we all have a set point of happiness like Laney is, let's say, I'm pretty generous with myself, I think my setpoint of happiness is at least a seven out of 10, maybe even eight out of 10. Right? Right. But when when I go to the beach, maybe it's the 10 Maybe I have to go to the doctor's office, it's a four. That's that's just my, my setpoint I think it's more like an eight, but it didn't. And honestly, that's me being humble, because I feel like a pretty happy person. But but when we practice gratitude, it's been scientifically proven, we can raise that setpoint up to 25%. Which, that's really huge. If you're like a Dan Harris fan, like his podcast is called 10% happier because that would be like an amazing jump, right? So Right? It's not going to be 25% for everyone, but it can be up to 25%. So staying higher, as your setpoint is a real good thing to be it. Also, like you said the relationships so I'm working on it. Yeah, no, I love that. And I love the Niagara Falls reference. And it brings me back to that book, like the art of noticing things. And one thing that the author says is, just like you said, if you live in Niagara Falls that on that wonder kind of disappears in this author was saying in the book, setting it intentionality mindset. So if I'm talking about going in the relationship, focusing on you know, today, I'm going to wake up and I'm really going to focus on what are the good things that spouse did for me today. Yeah, name that and really look for that. And that was kind of what the Gottman said, they're like, because behavior change is hard. And so one of the things they said is like, even if you cannot get to the point where you're like saying the positives all the time, even if you're not ready for that, do this practice and they basically said, notice, notice a bid for attention notice a bid for connection Just notice that your partner or your spouse, even if you're kind of annoyed by it, like, consider that a compliment like you. Even if you did that, you're in a better position. I think that I think the ultimate is to try and get to that six to one in all of our relationships. It's not easy. I will not lie, but the payoff is pretty amazing. Yeah, I completely agree. And I think this is a great way to transition to the classroom. Because when when we think about six to one, I can take my star student, and that star student, you know, I can throw out those six great things in that one. But if we think about the students that that push us, or maybe we don't have that connection, and typically these are the students that may have struggled all throughout, yep. Are they getting that six to one? Probably not. So what are some ways that we can you know, whether it's focusing on all of our students and just make that classroom? ingrained? Gratitude? Yeah, I'm so glad you brought that up. Because I think I first heard Josh stamper say this, like behavior is communication. So not all bids for connection are lovely. Some of them are quite disruptive. You might even say annoying. So I worry about the kids who are doing unproductive bids for attention. I also worry about the kids who are unseen. And so we kind of have like these three groups, right? We have like our you call them star students, like the kids who are really good at school, both behaviorally and academically, right? Like those, this is their sweet spot like this is where they thrive in whatever setting they're in. I mean, whatever school setting, they're in like that, that works for them, then we have our quiet ones, they just kind of like sometimes they're trying to go below the radar, because maybe they don't have the answers. But sometimes it has nothing to do with academics, it's more to do with social and I'm not comfortable, you know, sharing a thought on the fly. And they can go a very long time without being seen or heard, known and valued. Like that's a real to me, that's that's the group we often don't talk about. And then we've got our ones who are getting unfortunately, one to six, probably, if we're lucky, like we want it to be six to one, but maybe they're like getting one positive or worse would be like no positives. So what I would say in a classroom is we're in a community of learners. And it's not just the teacher who needs to be nurturing that six to one, we can do that as a community. So I am a big fan of castles, three signature practices, which is welcoming inclusion activity, engaging strategies, and optimistic closure. Anytime I am with any group where I get to be the facilitator, we will do a welcoming inclusion activity. Depending on the time I will do multiple, you know how many is depends on the time, but I always do at least one engaging strategy. I could even be a pair share, but something to get people connected. And then we actively engaged, right, and then an optimistic closure. So what I recommend to teachers is trying to bring gratitude into one of those not all three, that would be a bit overkill, I wouldn't. I mean, you could probably tie gratitude to all three of them at some point. But I would say try and make gratitude, a once a session if you can. And it doesn't have to be big things, these can be very, very little things. And so there's a ton of different ones. I will say the literature is very heavy on gratitude journals. And that's really just because it's easily documented, right? It's a very easy way to document like this person did a gratitude journal, and they did this. So it's used in a lot of research. But gratitude journals are not the end all and be all and for some people, they just don't love journaling. And they end up not doing it at all. And so that's like, so we want to be careful of that. So, in the book, I give a ton of different practices. There. I even have an Edutopia Article Three practices that have nothing to do with journaling is roughly what the thing is. But you know, like you can do a gratitude wall, you can do positive affirmations, let's train our kids to give themselves the positive reinforcement. Right. There's gratitude. I don't know if I said it already. Gratitude, wall positive, positive affirmations. There's savoring I love a savoring walk. You know, we don't get a lot of time to be outside. Let's take the kids outside for at least a few minutes. And really try and have some noticing, right like we've been talking about this all day. Like I love father, David Steindl Rast who is on the spiritual side of things. One of the world's leading experts, he would talk about like, look at the sky. Look at the clouds in the sky. They'll never look exactly the same that they do right this minute. And that's like so big. got a full ride, we just don't even realize how all of these amazing things are happening. And I'm not excluding myself here, I still have to work at the noticing. It's an everyday kind of thing. But there's so much good that in our very distracted lives is easy to miss. No, I love that there's so much there. And I listened to John Gordon a lot. I don't know if you know, he's big on positivity has a bunch of books, and he talks about like these nature walks, and just being outside getting that fresh air pointing out to the students, you know, check out those clouds. And like you said, They'll never be the same. And I also love what I really love. What you said is the three types of students and the unseen students because you're so true. The kids, maybe they're they do well enough academically? Yeah. Well, you're not focused on them. Or, you know, we shouldn't worry, they're not getting the attention. Yeah, they don't cause any disruptions whatsoever they do, and they're quiet, and they kind of sit in the back are off to the side. And they don't receive that attention. And it's so pivotal that when we bring it back to that intentionality piece, where we're intentionally focusing on them for a minute Ganic letting them know that they're seeing that they're heard that they're valued. Abs, yeah, it's it's tough, right? It's tough because we have, we have some kids who are really giving these bids for connection. And then we have this silent group, they're not doing the bids for connection. They're not doing the bids for attention. They're the hardest to me. They're the hardest. Absolutely, absolutely. Now, when we talk about oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. Oh, no, as I say, that's why it's like about building this community and really trying to build those peer to peer relationships. Like I can't do it alone, I'm gonna do everything I can to see here know and value every one of my learners, kids or adults, but it really has to be that community effort. Yes. And you know, we set the tone, like we model that, how we interact with the kids, how we show that gratitude. And I think, being very verbal with those emotions on the inside, at least, you know, I work with seven year old so I'm not probably wouldn't be the same with a, a high school junior or middle school kid might look at me, you know, if I talk through some of this, but for that seven year old, really being honest about what like the emotions of the inside, what that gratitude feels like on the inside? How do you express that towards others, and when they express it to someone else, pointing that out and making it visible for everyone to see, I think that's just big in this classroom culture. I appreciate you talking about we can almost call it a developmental appropriateness, but also just like an acknowledgement of the different ages and stages. And so I do talk about that in the book. And one of the things that I'm really proud of I don't know if this has come up yet, but there's 18 stories from 20 Different educators in the book, and have Wanderer and change Cheney wrote a story about gratitude in middle school, and what a part of the title is smokescreens. And like how our middle schoolers still need it. But they're not going to present the way that a seven year old would write absolutely the way a 17 year old would. So I think it's, that's it was so important to me to have these stories from all these educators and all these different roles and all these different places, because it is so unique and dynamic by person. And by I mean, there's just so many variables. And so I really appreciate the contributors to the book, because they make it infinitely better that we get to hear well, what would this look like in an elementary classroom versus a middle school versus a high school? And so it does look different. And then of course, your own personal. I mean, there's so much so much to it, that you can bring yourself into it while also honoring the individuality of the kids, letting them bring their their experiences, their culture, their interests, their their preferences, right? Yes, no, absolutely. And I really haven't read your book, I really appreciate the fact that you reached out and had other contributors to see their perspective and how they brought it in and how they felt about that gratitude within the schools. That was a must. I am like, that's, I'm pretty happy with what I wrote. But my favorite part of the book is the stories from the, from the contributors, they're all just amazing educators, tons of different roles, tons of different places. So yeah, no, that was a great addition to the book now. Gratitude is not just a practice like every teacher this listening if their administrator this listening, you know, we always talk about inside the classroom, but work within the walls of a school. And it's not just gratitude with the students is gratitude with our colleagues. I think like if we have strong relationships or and bonds within the school, that is is gonna make us feel more comfortable and better being there, do you have any tips that you could share as far as like peer to peer relations? Absolutely. So I'll say that the three signature practices, I do that with adults too. So whether it's professional learning a team meeting, a staff meeting, whatever it is, I would encourage people to do the welcoming inclusion activity, the engaging strategies and the optimistic closure. And to bring gratitude into one of those. I'll give a specific example. This is one that I do with adults or kids, it's called give to take to and some people might have heard of this before, but I have a gratitude spin on it. So what it is, is I give everyone to post it notes. And I say, I want you to write down on one of the post it notes, something that you're grateful to have learned, it might be something that it might be something connected to the topic that we're going to be talking about today, maybe it's more open ended than that, something personal or professional, something you've learned in the last month that you are grateful to know now that you did not know before, write that down on a post it note, okay, write the exact same thing on the other post it note. And then okay, everyone stand up, go find someone you haven't talked to recently, and exchange post it notes. And then when that exchange is done, go exchange again, and you're going to give to and you're going to take two. And it's a very subtle reframing. Because this this practice has been around to give to take to has been around for a while. But it's a reframing of grateful to have learned. And it's just a tiny little tweak in the delivery of that question helps kind of get those happiness chemicals flowing that serotonin and that dopamine like, Yeah, I'm so grateful. I learned this, you know, because I don't think all the time we and I go into this more in the book as far as like connecting gratitude to actual learning. Because it's, you know, it's about improving relationships, it's about well being, it's about activating learning, it's all of these things. So within professional learning, we want to do the same thing. And I'll just give a quick shout out to someone I just love adore respect, Jerry Armenteros, who is the superintendent of the 11th largest district in California, Santa Ana Unified School District, he is so good at gratitude with kids, peers and the world. And when I say the world, it's because he makes the invisible visible he on his social media, if you go check out his Twitter, or his Instagram, and honestly, pretty much anyone from the team, constantly lifting up, thank you to our lunch staff, people, thank you for feeding and nourishing our kids every day you do this, and our not all of our families see what you do, but we see what you do. And we're going to put this on display for the world to see. And what they're doing is they're taking the you know, because you're gonna get some negatives out there in the worlds, you know, people are gonna get upset, they're gonna potentially say nice things about your your school, your district. And so you want to just drown those out, you know, George will say that make the positives so loud, you can't hear the negatives. So going back to that ratio, we're gonna make it so many positives. Yeah, that negative we'll hear it, we'll adjust if we need to. But we're going to make sure we're putting the positives out there. Jerry does a great job that his whole team does think that's fantastic. And I want to say it's an Oprah quote, and it might not be so I don't want to Oprah nation to come at me with this. But I believe it's something like the more you celebrate, the more things you find to celebrate. It is yeah, I know that for her too. Yeah. It's just that intentionality piece. And think about like that culture, when you talk about he's constantly lifting it up and making the invisible, visible. You know, sometimes we see great things happening in our schools, you know, we don't verbalize or we don't put our full attention. So when people are making it visible, whether it's writing it down on a post it or verbally expressing it, sharing it on social media, it makes it visible and sets a tone. Yes. Can I share one more for one more for if we have any administrators listening? I'm sure we do. So one of my favorite ones, and I know quite a few principals who do this, you do have to set the tone and let people know that you could be coming through their classroom and leaving a positive but just walk around with a post it note pad and a pen or a pencil. And when you see good things happening in the classroom, you write it down and you set it on their desk or you set it on their board or let them know it's a positive ahead of time. So they're not like freaked out while they're teaching a lesson. I had one principal telling me that not only does she do that for her teachers, if she sees the kids doing something really cool. She'll drop that posted on their desk. And this posted ends up on refrigerators in homes. You know, I love the idea of positive calls home there's just so many ways that we can start to you know, bring this positivity to our families to strengthen those relationships as well. Those post it notes are are huge and and then that goes for teachers to teachers, I think just taking one second and letting that person next to you, or that person that you call you pass in the hallway, you always say hi, you might not have drawn this relationship with them. But if you see them do something kind, and you just take that moment to write a nice little note and email speaks volumes. And when we talk about the intentionality piece, there's a woman her Jen, Jennifer, and her last name starts with the Q. And she's a principal though she puts out a lot on social media. And one thing that she put out that I started doing this year is she had a file folder. And she took she's the principal but she had like all the students who might have for a classroom, all the students in the classrooms name written on that. Post It note in every week, she makes sure that every student had that post note and what it gets back to is that intentionality piece, what it gets back to is thinking about those unseen kids where we might make it think that we hit everybody with a post it note throughout the week, but this way, it's very intentional. And you know when you open up that file folder if at the end of the week you still have Johnny who sits in the back of the room that's really quiet that's been doing a good job but you forgot to recognize them that you know that it's right there you take it out right that no one put on so i Sir, I think it's been great for me this year. Oh, I love that my happiness chemicals are flowing right now. Thank you for that serotonin and dopamine I got like the goosies when you were talking about the peers doing the post it notes for each other like How amazing would that be? If you drop a posted on your teammates, desk, and they come in, that's the way they start their morning. I love that. Tarik, Tara Martin, she, this is something she has shared probably. So I'm not divulging anything, but she is not a fan of email. So sheets typically would when when she had a big staff that she would work with, she would start off with a positive email like that was her first thing that she would do every morning is send one, you know, positive intentional email with specificity and authenticity to a colleague. And that was her way to like, ease into email, like I get to do something good. And then I'll get some of the business. Yeah, that's great. Now let's transition a little bit real quick to the home front. Because we're more than educators on the home front, is there anything or if you wouldn't mind sharing what's like one practice that you've brought into your home? That is work really good for your family, as far as you're expressing gratitude, your husband and the children express some gratitude as well. Yeah, it's so funny, I just have to tell you this quick little story. So I have a nine year old and an almost 12 year old, the nine year old went to see his soccer coach play in a college soccer game last night, he was up pretty late. And he's like, so tired. And he had put like a really soft blanket in his bed. And he crawls into bed. And he goes, that is just absolutely amazing. And like you, I was like, Oh my gosh, the gratitude for this kid, like, he's so tired, he should be crazy. And like all we can think of is like, this is the softest blanket in the world. This is this is the stuff, man, this is it. And I was just so proud of him. So that's, you know, there's, I don't get to take a ton of credit for that. Like, I think I have a bit of credit in there. But it's really I want to thank all of our family members, my daughter, who's also a model that they model for each other. His teachers that he's had for years are models of that. So what I would say is, I am not a morning person. A lot of people like if you listen to the James clear, you know, there's a lot of learnings are great. I am not I'm still I'm gonna be honest, I'm not a great morning person. So what I do is I wake up and I make sure that the first thing out of my mouth is not negative. Because the tendency would be why is your bed not made? Why don't you have your shoes? Ready? Why is your backpack on you know, packed. So, me personally, I make sure that the first thing that I and I'm not 100% on this, but I'm working on it. First thing I do is the positive to my kids. That's how I want their day to start. And then we have very sacred nighttime ritual, which is we read and we do a gratitude practice every night before bed. That's the like trying to get to you know, my kids don't get a ton of screen time during the week. They do but not a ton. So this is like the bedtime ritual where we are shutting down. We're turning off devices. We're reading an old fashioned, you know, paper book, because we love those and then we're doing a gratitude practice. If you know gratitude is a spiritual thing, it doesn't necessarily have to be a religious thing. If you are religious. Gratitude is the heart of prayer. Right? Like that's a really big part of it. So if that if you're a religious person and you'd like to pray, I would say how can you bring gratitude into your prayers but At a minimum, it could just be a discussion or three things or, you know, whatever makes sense for your family, you can do a gratitude jar, those are really helpful that way, you can just catch them in the moment. Yes, I know, it's so powerful. And I just love it, it once again is making that invisible, those feelings visible, and expressing that and getting that six to one out there so that we're not taking the people in our lives for granted. Oh, I mean, we're so lucky to have these people around us. And even the ones who challenge us are probably brought to us for a reason. I will say, I do want to put this out there. And I don't want people to think that being ungrateful means you're a doormat, and you're just going to take whatever people are gonna give you like, you do have to set your boundaries. You know, this is okay, this isn't okay. Professionally, you know, there's some people we're gonna maybe have to work with that we don't want to. We're still kind of people though, right? We're gonna do our best. We might not like, pour everything into someone who we find to be ungrateful. And that's okay. We're just going to be kind to them. We're just going to be the people. We are Be kind, but we don't have to be a doormat. So I don't I don't want people to think I would say you should be grateful for someone treating you like garbage. I would not be grateful for that that Oh, no, no, no, absolutely. I'm glad that you threw that out there. The other thing I will say I hesitate to bring up this phrase because I think it gets used improperly a lot. And I don't even think the experts know how to how to discuss it fully. But the idea of toxic positivity. To me toxic positivity is when it doesn't come from a place of caring, of trying to help another person when it comes from a place of Well, here's my agenda, and I need to get this taken care of. So you need to get past your problem and work on this issue or a place of like, it's uncomfortable for me like I don't want to I don't want you to be unhappy because you're making me unhappy, like so I think. I think that's kind of a an important distinguishing like, we can be positive people. That doesn't make it toxic. I think what makes it toxic is trying to negate people's feelings. Yes, to downplay them, downplay them suppress them. Like that's not what we want to do. Because all of our emotions are important. It's part of the full human experience. And when we ignore those signals and signposts, we can really get ourselves into trouble and not know it because we've chosen to ignore. Yes, so good. Thank you so much. Now, as we wrap up, we talked about, I always have two of my favorite questions, and obviously a book or podcast. So we want to say if you are into gratitude, which if you're listening to the podcast right now, I'm sure you are definitely talk up, grab lady's book or listening or listen to her podcast, the bobbin gratitude, but I know that you've read a lot, is there anything that you would recommend to read or listen to? Okay, this is a really tough one, especially because I have a lot of friends who are orphans, but I am going to, I'm going to give you one that I have read multiple times, and that I just really, really love. This is someone who his work has just profoundly impacted my work. And that's Mark Brackett, Dr. Mark Brackett, who is the founding director of the Yale Center for emotional intelligence. And he wrote this just beautiful, stunning, wonderful book called permission to feel. And I highly recommend that I think I love his approach. And I love it's very practical, actionable. It's just, it's just such a good book. I really, really love that book. So I would highly recommend that. And then I will get into trouble if I started naming some of my favorite authors. So I'm going to plead the fifth on that because there's too many of them, but a lot of them have been guests on my podcast, so no, completely understandable. Is there any podcasts out there that's on that you regularly listen to? And we can make it non educational because I know that you have a lot of friends out there. So. Okay, so I will say one of my absolute favorites is the happiness lab by Laurie Santos. So and I'm very intentional, and I'm going to try and pick some non educator ones because otherwise Yes, I'll get the same physical as I would have with the books, but Laurie Santos, the happiness lab, I would also say you're gonna not be able to listen to this with your kids in the car but smartlace with Jason Bateman and will our nets and Sean Hayes is my go to Monday workout one That one just cracks me up. I will also say Can I add one more? Please do. Okay, and I'm gonna add two more sorry. Okay. So Dan Harris, I already mentioned him and the 10% happier. I love Dan Harris. He just had a TED talk that was out that was amazing. I would highly recommend you taking listen to that. And then the other one that I wanted to say was oh, Oh gosh, let me Oh, Dax Shepard. Now I know that some of you might be like, Wait, isn't that Kristen Bell's husband? He's wicked smart. He's not from Boston. I don't know why I called him wicked smart, but he's crazy smart. And he has a channel where he has some where it's like experts. So sometimes he has his celebrity friends on and sometimes he has experts now all like I will listen to the Jason Bateman one. You're catching a theme here. I love Jason Bateman. I listen to that one multiple times. But really, I don't usually listen to the celebrity ones. I usually listen to the expert ones. It's long form. But it's really interesting. And I just I think he does a really good job of picking out some of the most brilliant minds and bringing them on the podcast. Yeah, no, I've listened to Smartlist. And I think Dec Shepard is armchair expert. Right? Correct. Thank you. Yes. No. And you know, another one that you might be interested in. And I'll just throw it out there for listeners to I forget the exact name, but Angela Duckworth. And I don't know if maybe it's I want to say no dumb questions or something like that. I don't know. She's on there with a host. And she's really good. So we always reference Carol Dweck with the power yet, but Angela Duckworth. She's done a ton of research on grit. And she is extremely well spoken and very knowledgeable. And she just drops a ton of gems. And I know that she works with high school kids part in Pittsburgh, and trying to help them overcome their struggles. So just go into search type in Angela Duckworth. No stupid questions is that podcast and I've listened to it before, but it's not high in my rotation. So I'm gonna bring that back into my rotation. There's so many of them. Like I said, Brene Brown. Oh, my gosh, my podcast. Q is obnoxious. Yeah, there is so many so many great things. Now, listen to your authority told you that. Yes. And I feel the same about yours as well, my friend. Now, if a school district wanted to connect with you, if they want to connect with you on social media, or if they want to bring you in to talk to your district about creating that bring that gratitude practices into their schools. How can they do that? Oh, thank you for asking. Yeah, my name is a bit of a spelling challenge. But I'm basically Laney Raoul, across the web l a i n i e and then Raul like Powell, r o w e LL. But yeah, I'm at Laney roll across all the socials, I'm going to be really honest, I think because consultant is in my job title, I get a lot of spam on LinkedIn. So I don't spend a lot of time on LinkedIn will find me mostly on Twitter, and Instagram, you can email me Lamy raul@gmail.com, I would love to talk to you. I will always respond if you reach out. And I didn't respond for some reason. Please try again. I just missed it. I always respond. Awesome. Now, if there was one thing that you could have a listener walk away with today, what would that be? I think it would just be that I'm just going to summarize what I've learned about gratitude in that it nurtures relationships improves well being and activates learning. And if I can add a long dash or colon or something like that, I would just say that it's small changes, you know, James clear that saying, most people think what you need is intensity, but what you really need is consistency. These are very small practices that make a big difference. So I would encourage you to just try something small, give it a couple of weeks, if it's not the practice for you try something different. I love that. That is so true. Right there. Laney thank you so much. I've thoroughly enjoyed this conversation, you're such a first time we've connected but you're such a wonderful person, I followed your work all the way back to the lemonade learning days. So it's nice to to be able to connect with you and hear the gems and the work that you're putting in like that gratitude piece is so important not just for our children's well being not just for at work, but inside our home. So the work you're doing is so special. So thank you so much for sharing and keep keep shining that light, my friend. You are so kind and you're just such a delight and I am so grateful for your work. Like I said longtime listener and I cannot wait to have you on my podcast. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Thanks. This was so good. And Laney dropped so many phenomenal takeaways. Now this is a teaching champions take where I share three of my favorite takeaways. The first gem that I loved was when Laney talked about, notice, think, feel and do that to walk more gratitude in our lives. Notice what you can be grateful for. Take time and think about why we have been given those things. Pay attention to how you feel about those things, and express gratitude in return. The second gem that I loved is paying attention to the ratio of positive to negatives that we give to others, that we should be giving out six positives for every negative, then we need to be intentional and pay attention to how we speak to our students, friends, colleagues, and our loved ones. And the third gem that I loved is one lady reminded all of us that we have to be conscious that we have to be intentional about making sure that all of our students are seen that all of our students are getting that positive attention. Because if we're not intentional, as painful as this may sound, there are probably students in all of our classes, who show up. They work hard, they keep their heads down. They do what they're supposed to. And they feel invisible. And we definitely want to make it a point to make sure that all of our students feel as if they are seen heard and valued. Now these are just three my favorite Jan's but there were so many. So hit me up on social media at be Martin real on Twitter, and let me know what were some of your favorite takeaways. A big thank you to Laney for sharing so much wisdom. And thank you to all of you for being here. For being part of the teaching champions community. We support we encourage we lift each other up. And if you think someone could benefit from hearing this message, please share. And always remember, it doesn't matter if you're from rural America, to urban America, to Canada to Spain to Bahrain. We're all on that same team. We're all on the same mission. And we're always better together. Keep being amazing, my friend and as you go out into the week may step into your strength, may you step into your shine, and let's build our champions up. Have a great week, everybody