Breaking Free from the Teacher Martyr Myth: The Foundation of Teacher Self-Care

Alright, teacher tribe, time to ask yourself an honest question. Do you wear your overwork like a badge of honor? Do you think an educator is a destined to be exhausted and underappreciated? Right Honestly, do you think that suffering is synonymous with dedication and education? If you do, I know these are all questions to ask yourself. But come on, be honest. Have you subscribed to the teacher martyr myth? Okay, in today's episode, we're going to look at this. What is it? How do we get here? Why do we subscribe to it? But, more importantly, I'm going to empower you with five steps to move beyond this. Let's do it. Welcome to the Balance, your Teacher Life Podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries and achieving better work-life balance. If you're passionate about education but tired of it consuming your whole life, you have found your home in the podcast universe. I'm your host, grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show, alright. So what is the teacher martyr myth? It's this idea that we need to sacrifice everything oh, it's all on us. If we didn't do it, who else would do it? And that we give and give and give because the students need it and no one else can do it like us. And it's just part of the job. We don't have a job, we have a calling, and this is what's required of us. This huge sacrifice is required in order for us to feel good about ourselves as educators and to feel judged positively. Oh look, it's the last car out of the parking lot. They must be a really good teacher, okay, so that's what it is. I'm not got. And here's where we're at. I'm going to call BS on it. I think you already knew that I had a whole blog post written one time the teacher martyr myth and keep saying Martha, it's hard to say, it's a tongue twister. The teacher martyr myth. And gender a closer look. So you know I was fired up against the patriarchy, had me the whole thing. So you know I'm more about empowerment and about, okay, what can we do? I don't want to sit around and admire the problem. I want to give you the five strategies to move beyond it, but I do feel compelled, if you will indulge me for two minutes, to like how the heck did we get here? Right, and I really think a lot of it has to do with the fact that teaching is currently has been for a long time really dominated by females. Right, it's a female profession. So let's look at it Right. So in the late 19th century, like especially before the Civil War, in the United States at least, it was mostly men that filled the teaching positions. Right, it was more. Like you know, societal norms of the times really didn't support women in professional roles so much unless they were A spinster, right, I guess. Maybe the idea was that men would naturally possess the authority and intellect you know required to educate young minds, right? But then, you know, along comes long periods of war, industrialization, and you know we're out of people. And so for sure, by the late 19th, early 20th century, you know, a big shift occurred. Teaching became seen almost as an extension of women's care giving roles and the profession became, you know, increasingly feminized. If you go look at the NCES, the national center for education statistics, should you be, so come Incline, it'll tell you that by the 1930s, you know, 81% of teachers public school teachers, what? Female. Now, currently that figures resting around 76%. So it's still a huge majority, right, and it really, you know, part of this myth about we gotta be all self sacrificing really, I think comes from the fact the cultural norms often push women into roles where they're expected to be caregivers, nurtures, self sacrificing, right, where the teachers, where the nurses, visa historically female roles and historically, you know, underpaid, overworked, and I don't think that it is, you know, a big stretch to really make this connection that as women began to dominate the field, really the profession saw a decrease in prestige, in pay. You know, there there's some deeply entrenched gender biases there, right, okay, and now for me on my soapbox. So that's how we got there. Right, even in the media we see it so perpetuated, right, you think of the movies, the glorifying the teachers, and they're working late at night and they're carrying around their papers and you know, what they don't show is that they're damaging their relationships. They're lives are completely out of balance, they are exhausted, they are resentful, they are burnt out and you know it's not a good look. It's not a good look, doesn't make for a happy day in the classroom, doesn't make for positive day Of learning. So how we gonna move beyond this? More importantly, right, I've got five strategies. Okay, buckle up, but a cup. Five strategies, and you know, should know, by now that my echo framework for educator empowerment is probably gonna show up in there somehow. So the first one, the first step in overcoming this teacher Mata mindset is to recognize that it's not just hurting you, right? You might think you can. You know, push through, did the whole episode on the difference between grit and grind right, and maybe you like, I'm tough and I got this and I can grind through and even though I'm lacking on sleep and lacking on balance, and you know this is I can do it, right, I chose this profession, I chose this path. Maybe we truly feel that we will call to it and you know we're just gonna keep doing it because that's what we signed up for and we think you know I can take it, I can do it, I'm strong. Okay, so you are looking at it in this way that it's only you that it's hurting. You are on Probably already know that, but I'm gonna point out to you anyway. I'm gonna try and do it lovingly, but I'm gonna tell you, the people most affected by the fact that you work incredible amount of hours Are not your students. It's your children, it's your spouses, it's your partners, it's your friendships, it's your pets. Right, there are the people who notice, or the areas of our lives that notice you're always at work. Not our students, right? It's affecting your relationships. It's causing resentment and tension in your family. You know, I know that You've been there, done that. It's not good. So, even even if you feel it was your divine destiny to sacrifice all for students, let me tell you this You're not an effective teacher If you are overwhelmed, overstressed, resentful, exhausted, low on patience. We know what that looks like. Okay, you know what I'm going to say. My echo framework the E stands for your energy teaches more than your lesson plans, how you show up matters. And if you show up exhausted and overwhelmed and irritable and you know defensive and ready to, you know ignite every time there is a student misbehavior or something else you have sucked the joy out of teaching. You have sucked the joy out of your classroom. Right, a well rested, balanced teacher is just a more effective educator. Right, they bring in their energy, their innovation, their patient students know how to read your energy. Right, why? Why do they act up so bad for the poor supply? Substitute teachers? Right, because the substitute teacher shows up kind of nervous, kind of like what's this going to go? Like, right, and they sense the energy and they take advantage. If you show up confident in yourself, well rested, hey, we're going to have a great day of learning today, and I believe that you can achieve at home levels, and I'm willing to help you get there Right. That's the attitude you want. Think back to your own childhood. Which teachers did you love, right? Which teachers did you love? They were the ones who had the good energy. And I'm not talking like, oh you know, energize a bunny energy, right, because you can show up, teach a tired, that's the thing. But the energy that you want to be there, that's the important thing. Okay, so that's step. Number one is right. Recognize that this teacher, marta Mith, isn't just hurting you, it's ineffective, right, it's bad, it's damaging your relationships and it's ineffective, so we don't need it, alright. So number two in how to overcome this is look at the holistic. Look at it holistically. Examine the emotional and mental toll that overworking makes on you, because maybe let's just say that you are, you know, you do a really good job of setting boundaries. Yeah, you right, you don't sign up for too many extra duties. You pretty regularly leave campus a reasonable hour, right? So it's not just about the extra hours that you're putting in. It's about the emotional and psychological investments, right, that you're making that are leaving you feel drained and unvalued. Right? When you go home, are you still worried about the students? Are you still so annoyed about their behavior? Do you go home and talk about it? Do you go home and dwell on the worst part of your day, the worst student interactions, the worst parent interactions, the worst interactions with your teammates? Right, is that the stuff that you hold on to it's exhausting and it's draining. So, even if you manage to pull yourself away from school, are you still dragging the emotional weight around you, like? You know your backpack full of papers? You know that it's the, you know early 2000s and you're carrying around those teacher additions that weigh about 15 pounds each? Right, you got a backpack full of teacher additions. Right, you got a backache and you're feeling drained, right? So look at this whole modern myth holistically, even if you're like, no, I'm crushing it. I leave school on time, yeah, but are you dragging it around emotionally? Right, it's that. What other kind of you know toll is it taking on you? And really decide to stop? That's it. Decide this is a priority to move beyond this. Get yourself some skills in that area, alright? So once we've examined it, we know we got it. How are we going to stop it. So number three is up your boundary setting game. Okay, that's what a lot of this podcast is all about. One way or another is how we set in boundaries, how we set in boundaries on our time. Okay, so we understand that. Maybe we need to say no more. Okay, we need to get comfortable saying no to all those extra duties, to all the stuff that isn't in our contract. Okay, had some episodes on that. Go find them. Have a mini course on that you can knock out in an evening and you could get the skills that thing's called sorry, not sorry, I think. How do I say no and not feel apologetic about it, feel really good about it? You can go check that out. Just go to my website, graystevenscom. You'll find that mini course again. Knock that out in a habit in an evening. But recognize that you've got to set better boundaries, not just on saying no. Right, you're gonna have boundaries on yourself, on your time when you're at work. Are you productive? Are you gonna be there all day Like, make sure that you are not being sucked into, you know, unscheduled interruptions, even if it's with your besties, that you're not just sitting there overwhelmed staring out the window and then all annoyed that you did nothing when you're prep period right, that's a trauma response. Okay, that is really one of the like. The counter productive parts of working too hard is then when you need to get some deep work done, you're just too exhausted, right? So you've got to learn to set boundaries when you're at school, not just on your time. You've got to set boundaries on not bringing work home right? Setting boundaries on how much of your time outside of school do you spend talking about work. Like I just said, you bring the best of it home with you or the worst of it, right? You've got to get better skills in setting boundaries if you're to put a stop to this. Subscribing to this teacher-modern myth okay, it's a myth, isn't real. It's something we've created. It's something we perpetuate. It's something. It's not something you need to subscribe to, just to hit unsubscribe, like it later. Think of it like the email yeah, I'm not subscribing today, hit that button and subscribe, alright. So that's so. Number one Recognize it's not. Trust you, it's hurting, right? Number two examine the emotional mental tolls, see, understand the scope of this problem. Number three improve your boundary setting skills. It is a skill you might say to me oh my gosh, but it's in people. Pleasing is in my DNA. Yeah, we're here to serve. We're public servants, many of us. That's what I always said. I wanted to be a public servant for 20 years, right, I worked in the corporate world. I decided I wanted to be a public servant, you know when I? I always had this vision for my life. I'll be honest with you that after 20 years in the schools, I wanted to join the peace core. Right, that's me. Idealistic child of the 60s what can I say? Decided, instead of joining the peace core, be better to stay home and save some teachers. So that's how we're here. But all, right, up your boundary setting game. So step number four in how do you overcome this teacher mother myth is stop adding fuel to the fire. What does that mean? That means stop kind of competing with people. Right, it's like it's a big game, that's all. Your conversations are like you run into somebody and they're like how are you so tired? I was up doing this and then you you're off and running. You're adding fuel to the fire. Oh well, that's nothing, I was up until this time. Right, it's like the student behavior. The person says, oh my gosh, the student did this. Oh, that's nothing. My student did this. Oh, my parent did this. Like you're competing, you're like it's some kind of badge of honor, like I've slept less, worked more, have more students, have more behavioral problems than you. Like it's this kind of what do you hope? And a win here. So stop adding fuel to the fire. Stop competing. Just don't even have those conversations, okay, they just wear you down. You just be honest with yourself. When you've had that kind of interaction, do you want to be honest with me? Be honest with yourself. When you've had that kind of interaction, do you walk away feeling better about your day, better about your life and your decision to spend it in public education or private education? I'm sure there are private educators who listen to this podcast, to that they're overwhelmed to. They need balance to so to college professors, so to admins, right, all of us? Alright. So that's number four. Stop adding fuel to the fire. Number five Cue the tough love. Cue the tough love. I say it because I've been there. I have so been there. Check yourself. Come on, be honest. Are you giving the judgment or side eye to the person who has effectively set boundaries, to the person who, pretty much, you know, beats the kids To leaving at the end of the day. Right, I had a co-worker, always took his briefcase with him. We had duty after school. To you know, get the kids safely on the bus is get the kids safely in the cars. It wasn't the type of score anyone could walk to and, like you know, that was an hour before the end of our contract time. That was our prep. Well, 40 minutes of contract time, our prep period was 40 minutes. At the end of the day he would just walk out with his lunch bag and his briefcase, do what he was doing with the kids and then skip out of there. Yeah, I was judgmental about that. I mean, I don't know, I knew him pretty well but I loved him still do. Side note excellent educator, well loved by students, by parents, and an effective teacher. There was no reason for me to be judgmental about that and I wasn't the only one. It was, like you know, it was like a running joke on campus. But why are we judging on people first off? We don't know what other responsibilities they have, right, you don't know. If you see somebody outside your eyes skipping out, you know, maybe they've got a doctor's appointment, maybe will be tied to ball. Obviously, plenty of us have young children to look after and take care of. But aging parents, like? What kinds of responsibilities? Right? So don't judge. You don't know what their responsibilities are. You don't know if they're taking all their homework with them, all their work home with them. Excuse me, okay, but I mean really, if somebody is managing to set boundaries, be productive when we're at work, be effective, we should be high five in them, not wagging our finger in judgment. So let's look at you knew I was going to circle back around to this, right. My echo frame, or the O, is other people's experience doesn't need to be your experience, right? So recognize that a culture change starts with an individual change, right? You could have that confidence to not worry that other people are judging that if you set better boundaries and you unsubscribe from being a teacher martyr, that people are going to judge you. Who cares? First off, if they judge you says more about them than it does about you. Also means that they're probably scratching their head wondering how come they managed to do it, and I don't. But we've got to change this mythology, right. We've got to champion a more sustainable way of teaching, right, where balance isn't some dirty word, but it's something that is celebrated and everybody is after. Right, we're teachers. We are invaluable yes, we are, but we are also human. We have human needs, desires. We have families. We should have lives outside our classroom. That's what this whole podcast is about. We need to be complete humans, not just teacher martyrs. Right, we need a more sustainable way to move forward. Alright, that's it for this week. Maybe this has been your wake-up call If you feel like teaching is some kind of Olympic sport and you have to out-sacrifice everybody to win the gold. You know? No, just try and stop. I say it with love in my heart. So follow those five steps and I will see you next week.