BTS 2025/26: Growth Mindset Shifts Every Teacher Needs — Even Beyond the Classroom

 Welcome to part five of our Back to School series 20 25, 20 26. And this week, well, I'm gonna tell you, it is for back to school. It's a great time to remind you of these things, but this is for any time, and I'm gonna put myself out there. I'm gonna tell you. This episode is for anyone. You don't even need to be in education to get huge value from this.

And so if there's somebody in your life who you love, who you think would enjoy hearing this, I encourage you to share this episode because this week we are talking all about my favorite thing, which is mindset. We're gonna talk about four mindsets that can literally transform. Your teaching experience, how things roll out for you this year, and it can actually really influence your whole experience of life.

Okay. I know that sounds so hyperbolic. Oh my goodness, grace, you're usually not like that, but I'm gonna tell you these. Five things I've said four, five. We'll see how it pans out. But really, let's keep it simple. And these really are the mindsets, the paradigm shifts that make your experience of life more gentle, more flowing, more beautiful, easy.

Can you imagine having the exact same, you know, students that you would've had the exact same classroom? Coworkers, admins, even the same teaching materials. Nothing really about what you, the raw materials that you have to work with this year is gonna change, but if you change the way you look at them.

And I'll show you the top five most important ways and tricks to do that. Everything will change for you. I promise. I promise, I promise. So I'm excited, I'm hyped. I love this topic. It is my favorite topic to talk about, and I will see you on the inside. Pull out your notebook. You're gonna wanna take notes.

Welcome to the Teacher Self-Care and Life Balance podcast, where we focus all things personal development to help teachers feel empowered to thrive inside and outside of the classroom. If you are passionate about education, but tired of it taking over your whole life, you have found your new home in the podcast universe, you'll love it here.

I'm Grace Stevens, your host, and let's get going with today's show. All right, here we go. I know that I've spoken about this before and I went back and I looked about this first paradigm shift that I'm gonna talk to you about. This number one mindset that can change everything for everybody. But it was episode 10 and I was fangirling on Stephen Covey, you know, granddaddy of all things personal development in my mind, my first introduction to personal development, gosh, it had to have been.

Over 30 years ago. And it is this idea of well, let me tell you the paradigm shift that he has inside the seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And a quote of his, which I, I do love and that I share quite often is we don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are or how we've been conditioned to see it.

So if you can train yourself to look at things in a different way, what you actually observe, how you experience it, completely changes. Okay. So there's a lot of science behind that that I won't nerd you out on, but let me give you the example that has stuck with me all these 30 years. It is the first example that he gave.

Inside his book when explaining this, and it was something that had happened to him, he was on a train, public transportation. And he was sitting there. Now you've gotta remember, this was back in the, you know, eighties probably, right? And a long time ago, nobody was, you know, looking at their phone and their devices.

Maybe somebody was trying to read a newspaper or a book. Maybe we had, you know, a Walkman. For those of you who. Old enough to remember a Walkman, that's about all the technology we had. So a lot of sitting on public transportation was looking out the window and, you know, trying to maybe avoid eye contact with people.

It could be a little awkward. But anyway, he was sitting on the train, lots of people around, but a young man gets on. He has with him two young boys who, you know, assuming they were his children. Anyway, these kids are just running around. They're running around. They're outta control. They are, and he's not paying any mind to them.

He is just kind of zoned out. And so people starting to get a little prickly, a little irritated, a little judgy. Imagine that you are on that train, and we all know what we are thinking. We are thinking, why is this man not taking control of his children, right? So especially as we're educators, we're very comfortable having opinions about other people's children, right?

So as it turns out, suddenly at some point this man realizes what's going on and he reels his children in and he turns to Steven Covey and he says, I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't. You know what? We just came from the hospital. Their mom just died. My wife just died. I just, I, I'm, I'm just not sure what I'm doing right now.

Okay. Wham. Now think about that. How now suddenly Dr. Covey's perception of this whole experience has changed instead of judgment. Irritation. Suddenly there's, there's empathy and there's understanding. Okay, so that's quite a dramatic paradigm shift, but what it really boils down to is this, and it boils down to, you know, now we have memes, right?

The, the meme that says you never really go know what anybody else is going through, right? Tread lightly. You never really know what anyone else is going through. So that is the basis of it, but this is how I interpret it, and this is what I always. Come back to again and again myself. When I talk to my children, when I'm coaching teachers, this is the mindset we want God, if we want a gentler relationship with life and with people.

We have to cut people some slack, whether that's a student, whether that's a coworker, whether that's a stranger in a store who's given you the stank eye because your cart was in the way and their reaction seemed to be, you know, bigger, their annoyance. That you seem to be bigger than this whole incident of this cart just being here, right?

Something is going on with them. We dunno what it is. And the important thing to remember is. What I call extending people grace. Okay. Allowing them this idea that assuming the best intentions, assume that people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the situation in which they find themselves.

Okay. Let me say that again. Assume the best intentions. Assume that people are doing the best they can. With the skills they have in the situation in which they find themselves. And if you can adopt that mindset, that will be a paradigm shift for you in so many different areas inside the classroom, on campus and outside.

Okay. Another one of my famous, famous favorite quotes is from Albert Einstein who said, the most important decision we ever have to make is whether we think we live in a friendly or a hostile universe. I. Now if we really want to believe that we live in a friendly universe, we gotta extend people grace and accept that their reactions towards us, especially when it seems, you know, unwarranted has nothing to do with us and everything to do with how their way day is going, what they have going on, it stops us from taking things personally, from getting easily triggered from being defensive.

Okay. The opposite of that is when we think we live in a hostile universe, right? And everything that somebody says feels like an attack. You know those people, there are people who are so defensive and anything you say to them feels like a personal attack. And I always feel. Sad for them. Just like, oh my gosh, what a horrible way to move through life thinking that people are out to get them.

Like I have never felt that way. I mean, goodness me, I've struggled with things in my life, but I have never struggled that particular mindset that I think people are out to get me, and I do. Usually if something isn't going well, I think it's some failing in me and not in other people. So that. Brings its own issues, shall we say.

But I do find it very easy to extend people, grace. And I have to say, especially when I, you know, when my kids were young, I had very strong opinions about how I had been raised. And it wasn't ideal. But I do say that the minute my kids were born, oh my words, I let my parents off the hook for so much stuff because being a parent is hard, being a parent is hard.

And I was educated and had financial resources. And my parents had neither of those things going for them when I was born. So I can't imagine how, you know, more difficult it was for them to be parents than it was for me. So. Anyway. So that's the first thing. If you can start from there, just assume the best intentions.

Assume the best intentions when a kid is going at you. When a parent is going at you, you don't know what else is going on in their life. Yes, you have to have boundaries. Yes, you can allow yourself to be disrespected, but you can't allow yourself to get triggered and to engage and to meet fire with fire.

Okay, that's not helpful. So number one. Assume people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the situation they find themselves in. Okay, now there's another three things I wanna talk about. The last one really, hold on for the last one 'cause it's, I'm gonna give you a simple question you can ask yourself.

That woo is so powerful. But let's look at mindset number two, and this is a throwback to episode 88. If when I'm talking about this, this really resonates, hits home, and you're thinking, huh, I wonder what. I have going on in that area. I recommend you go back to episode 88 for a deep dive and some questions and exercises around this area, which is self-limiting beliefs like how do we limit ourselves?

By the beliefs we put on ourselves. So let me just give you an example and then I'm going to give you a quick script to help you snap out of it, okay? I make it sound so easy, don't I? You know, these things are what I call simple. But not easy. It's not easy to remember these at the time all the time, but it is so worth it.

Okay, so let me give an example. I have complete and utter, I shouldn't even say this. Let's put it in the past tense. I used to have complete and utter trauma around going to the dentist. I had a very traumatic experience the first time I went to the dentist. As a child, I have carried that anxiety with me for decades.

I make going to the dentist, miserable for me, miserable for anybody involved in the whole process. I feel terrible for the dental hygienist, for the dentist, like the anxiety that I emanate and honest to goodness, the amount of times I've sat and cried in a chair and I just feel terrible for people. It's not something they're doing.

It is just this ridiculous you know, this just this. A whole thing is built up to be in my mind. And funnily enough, since that first awful experience, I had never had another bad experience until recently. And it was another bad experience. And this dentist had just been so impatient with me. I recently had to change dentists when I moved, and usually my old dentist knew all about me and they were always very kind.

And things always went very smoothly there. And they always joked about it. I'm like, here she is. You can be all right. Are you a flight risk? You know, whatever it was, they were like, it's no big deal. We see nervous people every day. Okay. But this other dentist, very, no patience for it. Really horrible. And then something actually bad and very painful and quite negligent did happen in that office.

And I don't know, you know, if somebody's woowoo and they're like, what did you do to create that experience for yourself? I don't know. But anyway, found myself a new dentist. Just gonna say that. All right. Went to the new dentist last week, and when I got there, I was a little panicked. I had forgotten my noise reduction headphones.

So something that sets me off is if I hear somebody else getting their teeth worked, if I hear the drill, if I hear those machines like. I start like, you know, PTSD man is real. I start to really feel terrible and I was like, oh no, I forgot my headphones. I was proud of myself. I had driven myself to the dentist.

Sometimes if I know I have to have a procedure, I'm not gonna lie, I, I take me a little medication and make somebody else drive me or take an Uber. But I drove myself and then I didn't have my headphones. When I went in there, you know, I thought, this is a clean break. These people don't know that I'm terrified of the dentist that, you know what?

I don't have my headphones. I'm just gonna, let's just see how it goes. And as I sat down and the lady was getting things ready, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do that. And I just kind of took a breath and I kept saying to myself, that was then, this is now, that was then. This is now, I don't need to keep repeating to myself.

I'm scared of the dentist, right? I need to tell myself, you know what? I'm safe, and if I don't feel safe, I'm an adult. I can leave. Okay? I used to be afraid of the dentist. That was then. This is now. And when the hygienist came in and she went and got the dentist, you know, they put that light on straight in your eyes and she said, you need glasses?

And I said, oh no, my glasses turned dark. I said, I'm gonna pretend I'm laying on the beach. I mean, really, I was in my own little world kind of meditating, counting backwards from 20, pretending I was on the beach. And before I knew it, we were done. And good report, you know, teeth are great, all those things.

But I remember telling myself that was then. This is now. So when you find yourself in a loop, right? When you're at, they were back to school pd and they're like, oh, we have a new computer system for this, and you're, oh no, I always struggle with the new system. I hate, no, that was then. This is now you have a new curriculum.

Oh, you have some particular placement of a st. Oh, here's the worst one, is you get the sibling of a kid who had driven you up the wall. Okay, we, we know better than this. We don't make these kids, you know, they can't pay for the sins of their siblings. Okay? Every CH child deserves a new chance, but, or maybe more importantly, it was the parent, right?

Oh, no, we've had this parent before because we're willing to believe that children can be different, but that parent's gonna be the same parent, right? You gotta tell yourself, that was then. This is now, maybe they've learned more skills now maybe they've learned to love the school more. That was then, this is now.

So if you find yourself in a loop where you are self-sabotaging yourself already, assuming something is gonna be a bad experience because it was a bad experience before, doesn't mean it will be a bad experience moving forward. I suggest you write that on a stick note. That was then, this is now. It can really change things for you.

Okay, so that's number two. Number one was assume people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the situation. We find themselves in, right? Assume the best intentions. Number two is don't automatically assume that history is gonna repeat itself. That was then. This is now, the situation is different now.

I'm a different person now. I have different skills now. Right. Okay. So number three is kind of tied to that, and here is the clue that this is happening. When you use an absolute, okay, when you are like this situation, oh, all the parents, this happens every time. This student never does this, this, these students always do that, right?

When you use those absolutes that. Is your clue that you are operating with a limiting belief? It might be that students have shorter attention spans than they used to. Nobody engages with pencil and paper anymore. They only want technology, right? Only never. Right? These are all limiting beliefs. So when you're dealing with an absolute in your mind, when your self-talk is telling you something is always, or something is never, or this kid always does this.

Ask yourself this question, what else could be true? What else could be true? Right? It could be challenging to get kids more engaged than it used to be in the past. It's true that students tend to have short attention spans, immediate gratification attention economy with technology, all these things, right?

Those things are true. But what else could be true? What else could be true in that situation is, is that students are actually. Craving interaction. They are craving without knowing it. Some kind of connection with a real person, not just with technology. And that affords you opportunities in the classroom.

Okay? So when you find yourself with these absolutes, this kid never, these parents, always this school, never this administrator always right? These things. Just ask yourself. What else could be true? That is never gonna work. We tried it before. Okay. Well that was then, this is now. What else could be true in that situation?

See how those two go together. Again, these things are simple, but they are not easy to implement. They mean that you need to take accountability and responsibility for your reactions, right? That's the heart of all of this. Instead of operating on default, kid says, A, I react B. Right. This happens. This is how I react.

The whole basis of this is you can choose how you respond, okay? That is what a mature, emotionally mature person. Does they choose how they respond. And I think it is big news to many people that they can choose how they respond. They think their responses are automatic. Oh my gosh, I respond 'cause I feel this way.

Well, you only feel a certain way because you are thinking a certain way. First comes the thought. Then comes the feeling, then comes the action. So you gotta go back. You can't change all the situations, right? Control what you can control. You can control how you respond, what you think about that. Okay?

It's really at the heart of CBT, cognitive Behavioral Therapy, NLP, neurolinguistic programming. All the goofy stuff, right? Is all the same. Really it is. You don't need to automatically respond the way you think you do. You have a choice in that. All right, so here's the last one, and this one is just a gentle reminder when I'm talking to people about having more.

Peaceful relationships and a more peaceful, kind of less stressed reaction and experience of school. You do not go to every party you are invited to. You don't need to go. You are. Another way of saying it is you do not need to catch every ball that is thrown at you. What that means is when a teacher.

Throws the ball, which is you go into the staff room just to make a few copies and you have the teacher maybe the grade ahead of you. Ah, the first thing they're gonna do is complain about a student you had last year. And they're just looking for validation. Yes. They're not crazy. That student is difficult maybe.

And they're like, you'll not believe what such and such did today. Right. What does that mean? Not catching the ball? Catching the ball means you catch it and you're like, oh yeah, well, that's nothing. Right? And then you get competitive. We call that competitive misery. Well, and he used to do this and then you won't believe it.

I have his sibling this year, and they do that like, and you're off and running. You don't need to catch that ball. When that ball gets thrown at you, you, you'll not believe what such and such did today. You know what? You know my strategy that I. Talk about a lot. Validate and bounce. Validate. Oh wow, that sounds hard.

Oh my goodness, you are having a day. I am sorry. I hope it gets better. You validate. You don't say that isn't true. Their experience is real for that person. But you don't sting in there and. And get stay at the party. You don't need to take that invitation. Okay. When you just stay in your lane is basically what it boils down to.

You run into a coworker and they wanna complain about somebody else. Oh, sounds like you had a tough experience with them. Hey, I am sorry. Or, you know, be a good friend. Be like to the other person. Say, you know what, that has not been my experience of them. They must be having a tough day. When somebody comes to me and says you had this parent last year and they are just awful.

They did this, they did that. And I would plainly say, 'cause it was truth. You know what? Gosh, I never experienced that with them. And not to make, you know, not like, ooh, no one treats me that way. Not to be that annoying person, but just like, huh, maybe you know, what has that happened a lot? Maybe they're just having a bad day.

'cause you know, they, they seem pretty cool last year. Maybe something's going on with them. So you're giving that person the benefit of the doubt, but the other thing you are not doing is not catching that ball or not accepting that invite to, you know. Just really go down this, this path of annoyance, okay?

As I think there's that expression not my circus and not my monkeys, right? That basically means stay in my own lane. That might not come across in a very kind way. You don't wanna say that to someone when they try and you in a conversation of venting or whatever. You don't wanna say, not my circus, not my monkeys, but you.

In a gentle way, just validate them. Ooh, that sounds tough. Hey, I wonder, nah, maybe something's going on with them, or, you know what? Gosh, I, you know what? I hope your day gets better. Okay. But I got my own stuff going on. 'cause that is the truth, right? Man. Oh man. We are our own stuff going on. So. That's it.

I'm trying to keep it short this week, but if you could do those four things, how different, how different would everything be? And again, this isn't just for school and for classrooms and for educators. I feel like these would be like some four magic keys that if we all held our experience in the bank would be better on hold with the customer service rep.

Who doesn't get paid enough to, to hear how annoyed we all are. Okay. All those things. I think our experience in life will go a little smoother. So let remind you of what they were. Number one, the big paradigm shift of extending people grace, and assuming the best intentions. Assume people are doing the best they can.

With the skills they have and in the situation they find themselves in. Okay. Number two, allow for things to be different. Allow for yourself to be different. Allow for things to play out differently. Your little mantra can be that was then, this is now. Right it. I used to be afraid of that. That was there.

This is now I can make new choices. Now you can make a new choice, a new decision at any point in your life. You don't need to wait till a new year. You don't need to wait till, oh, it's Monday. You could do it, you know, at 1158 and a half in the morning. You could just decide. I'm gonna look at this differently.

Okay? That was then, this is now number three. When you find yourself the big clue that you're having limiting beliefs about others and other situations, and you're using absolutes, oh, these kids never, Ooh, this always right? What else could be true? That's the question. What else could be true? What else in this situation could also be true?

And then the last one, and I didn't tell you the important question to keep this all this in check. Okay. So it's coming up. You ready? All right. The last one is, don't catch every ball that gets thrown at you. Or as some people say, don't, you don't have to go to every party you're invited to, especially if it's a, you know, negativity party.

I want you to remember these three words. I've had these on a stick note in my planner at school, at home for years. I'm talking decades, and these three words are towards or away with a question mark towards or away. And what that means is it's a reminder to me that. Is how I'm reacting and how I'm looking at this situation and how I'm acting.

Is it getting me. Closer towards the life I wanna live, or is it taking me away from the life I wanna live? If I truly want to live a life that is peaceful and purposeful and joyful is how I'm reacting, taking me towards that more peace and more joy. Or is it taking me away? Am I voluntarily choosing to get outta my lane and get all riled up with stuff that doesn't involve me with petty grievances and all the other things that happen in workplaces, that's not just education.

Trust me, I've worked all over. That happens everywhere. Okay? The magic words towards or away. First you have to decide what kind of life you want. You need to be real clear about that. How do you wanna feel? How do you wanna show up? Who do you wanna be? Right? Have episodes about that. We should be less concerned about our to-do list, and more concerned about our to be list.

How do we wanna be? How do we wanna be remembered? How do we want to treat people? How do we want to show up? Right? We need to be real clear on that. And then when we find ourselves getting easily triggered, or being judgy, or being annoyed or reacting, that kind of defensive. Towards or away? Am I getting closer to the life I want or am I moving away?

And if this thought, action belief is moving me away, how can I change it? Make the decision change? It sounds so easy. Change it. All right. I hope your back to school is going fantastic. You could be listening to this at any time. Doesn't need to be driven back to school. It's still all valid, but again, if you know a coworker who you think might find this valuable, it's the greatest compliment in the world to me, and a lovely act of friendship for you to share it with them.

And until next time, I want to thank you for everything that you do for other people's children. I wanna remind you that the world needs your talents and your passion, and until next time, create your own path and bring your own sunshine.