How Chronic People Pleasing is Driving Your Teacher Burnout

 How Chronic People Pleasing is Driving Your Teacher Burnout: Episode 19

[00:00:00] All right, teaching friends, let's buckle up. I'm going to tell you today's episode, you are going to want to settle in, listen up. I'm telling you there is not a person in education that this podcast could not benefit this week. I know that's a bold statement, but I want you to know I have never met anybody in education so far for whom this was not an issue.

[00:00:24] Now, in varying degrees, it's all on a spectrum. But here's what we're talking about today. When does something good, which is basically, you know, giving a darn about others, about their needs, their wants, their preferences, when does that suddenly, when does that scale tip and it becomes a bad thing or a liability for your mental, emotional and physical health, right?

[00:00:47] That's right. Today we're talking All about the disease to please, right? We might think that we're, oh, I'm helpful, I'm considerate, I'm a go with the flow person. Are you? Because what we're looking at today is the dark side of people pleasing. We're going to look into the three reasons why it is so rampant in education.

[00:01:07] We're going, so that's the why. The what, what the problems that it causes, which are significant for your health and your effectiveness, right? It's getting in the way of you doing what you need to do, which is bringing your A game to teaching every day. We know we ought to bring our A game or we're not going to make it.

[00:01:24] And then most importantly, we're going to look at the how, how to start making baby steps. in having better habits in this area. Okay, are you ready? Settle in, grab your coffee, grab whatever you need, grab a notebook. I don't care, but we are gonna get right to it. Welcome to the Balance Your Teacher Life Podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries, and achieving better work life balance.

[00:01:55] If you're passionate about education, but tired of it consuming your whole life, you have found your home in the podcast universe. I'm your host, Grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show.

[00:02:14] All right, here we go. Now, here's the first disclaimer. If you know me. You know, my podcast audience is not, you know, huge. We're growing. You know, tell your friends. Let's bring some friends to this party. But, uh, I feel like there are probably some people who know me, who worked with me, who love me, who listen in, you know, just because they're, they, they want to learn.

[00:02:36] But I got to tell you, if you know me, warning. You're gonna. There is a risk here that you're going to roll your eyes so much, you're going to damage your optic nerve here. Because if you know me, you know that. People pleasing? Wow. This is something that, you know, that's my hallmark. I would say I did not get better in this area.

[00:03:03] Um, until I was, I'm embarrassed to say, like my mid fifties, it's still like the work of a lifetime. I always say that, but I got started a little late. I just really for many years, um, pride in myself. On being, you know, so easygoing, go with the flow, so flexible. Oh, I don't mind doing that. No, I'll do that.

[00:03:26] No, come on. I say yes to things I didn't want to say yes to. Because it was easier to say yes than it was to think about. conflict. Okay. And while I like to think, Oh no, I'm just, you know, an easygoing kind of person. You know what I was? I'm just going to tell you. And if you know me, you know this, I was low key freaking resentful half of the time.

[00:03:48] And it's not a good look and it's not productive. So I am learning to do better in this department. Um, it has been a deep dive for me to, you know, look at the tools to ask the whole questions of myself. And, um, so let's get to it. So first off, what, why is there so much people pleasing in education? Well, I think there's three reasons.

[00:04:12] Okay. Now, none of this, I'm not saying, you know, I'm all about the empowerment, right? I'm a teacher empowerment coach. This is information to help you. Um, I always say with awareness comes choice, and then you can make a choice to be more empowered. Right. So first we're going to, you know, sometimes we've got to agitate the problem, which is, you know, I'm all about the positive mindsets, but sometimes people don't realize, you know, what you think you're doing.

[00:04:39] That is such a great thing is actually just a maladaptive coping skill. So let's talk about it. So I'm not saying any of this is your fault, right? None of it is your fault. Most of it. We're going to learn here is, you know, encoding that you learned when you were a child, you know, did you have any control over that?

[00:04:59] No, that wasn't your fault, but you're an adult now, probably if you're listening to this, certainly if you're a teacher. So now when we're adults, even if things aren't our fault, you know, trying to fix them and especially trying to. Fix things that has exponential, um, impact on your own life and your ability to have a positive and create positive experiences that now becomes your responsibility, right?

[00:05:24] All of this is to empower you to say, okay, here's why you have it. What are we going to do about it? Own it, own your stuff. Okay. Stuff is a nice word. Own your stuff. And then let's learn what to do with it. But let's see, why is there so much people pleasing in educational? Well, first off in general, let me tell you that.

[00:05:47] Just this, this people pleasing, we're going to call it, it's a nice way of saying it, but it's really just being so conflict avoidant, like agreeing to things you don't want to do, saying yes to people is really, um, a trauma response for a lot of people. Right? It is, we hear a lot of, oh, you know, when you're in fight or flight, you're fight or flight.

[00:06:10] Well, there's actually four trauma responses when you're under extreme stress. There's fight, there's flight, there's freeze. We see this with students, right, who just completely disengage. And they're not, you know, being belligerent. They're not bored. They're just, it's a trauma response. They're disengaging, right?

[00:06:27] So fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Phone is like freaking making nice to everybody, right? So it might be a trauma response. In my particular case, like I don't, you know, I wasn't one of those people who's like, let's go digging in the dirt and see where all this came from. Part of me is very practical. Like, does it really matter where it came from?

[00:06:49] Now we're aware of it. Let's kind of deal with it. Let's move forward. But I think for most people, if you look back, you're going to see that there might have been. Nobody's childhood was, you know, without some kind of trauma. But I will say in my particular household, um, you know, conflict led to very serious and very bad outcomes.

[00:07:12] Let's just leave it at that. So at a very young age, I learned to Keep the peace, I was what we call hyper vigilant, like always tuned into everybody else's emotions, like trying to figure out, Oh, are they going to blow? Are they going to blow? Is this going to happen? Is this a bad combination of people? Is bad stuff going to go down?

[00:07:33] Right? Like a lot of my anxiety came from that. And, um, I took on the responsibility at a really young age of trying to keep everybody happy, just having harmony in the household. Um, I, I had an older sibling who, who was going through some, some things and, um, you know, I used to cover for him. If he wasn't home, he was in survival mode, um, and had maladaptive coping mechanisms, but he wasn't around, he, you know, I would cover for him.

[00:08:02] Like, I just took on all this responsibility as a young child. So, there is a my trauma response, right? But, you know, everybody has some of that. Then, you know, what else is it? Well, first off, there's just a lot of societal conditioning, right? If you look at especially, you know, my age, I'm older, I never know who's the Gen Z, who's the millennial, whatever.

[00:08:26] But if you're a grown up at this point, a lot of us are from that generation that, you know, be seen and not heard, right? Just, um, I feel like, as we know, about 80 percent of, um, Educators in the United States are female, uh, there's a lot of societal conditioning, right, that, uh, not to get political about it, not to be like, well, you know, getting down on the patriarchy, but there's a lot of societal conditioning that we are nurturers, that we want to please, that we want to please.

[00:08:59] Um, and, you know, be harmonious, don't be seen as difficult, don't be seen as inflexible, right? There's a lot of society conditioning that comes with that, especially for women. And of course, in education, we're very, you know, female heavy. So you're a trauma response, you assign societal conditioning. And in teaching, you got an occupational hazard.

[00:09:23] It is actually an occupational hazard. You think about it. The setup. Okay, let's think about it. How does it show up in teaching? Right? Every single time you say yes to covering a prep period that you didn't really want to cover. Right? Every time you say yes to, you know, writing an independent study when you didn't get enough notice to do it.

[00:09:44] Or what about when the school psychologist needs all those, you know, one time I counted it. Like, oh, just fill out these three, um, assessments. You know, that was more than 400 questions. And of course they need it tomorrow. The IEP is tomorrow. I need it tomorrow. I need to write my report. I understand. You know, that, um, school psychologists, everybody are under a lot of pressure and timelines, but you know, I can't tell you how many times it happened.

[00:10:11] Like I need this tomorrow. I know for a fact, cause I coordinated SST teams. You have 90 days to get that stuff together. Why are you taking it to the gen ed teacher, you know, at the last hour. Right. So every time we say yes to those things, right, we are people pleasing. How else does it show up? It's, you know.

[00:10:31] We call it people pleasing, but it's being conflict avoidant. It's a lack of boundaries. It's all the things I talk about, right? Part of it is we take on this whole identity of single handedly trying to change the outcomes for hundreds of students. We're trying to be All things to all people. It is not our responsibility to fix every problem in education, even though every problem in education shows up in our classroom and we have to manage it.

[00:11:01] Right? Think about this. Let's think about why a lot of times we just think it's easier to appease than to deal with something, right? We don't want to deal with that difficult parent. They're gonna, we know they're gonna argue about the grade. We know they're gonna start trying to bully us into changing some policy.

[00:11:20] They don't like the books we're teaching. Whatever. And so we really just want to appease, but we need to think about the effect that that has on us. Okay, now these are 100 percent medically validated, right? That the problems by chronic people pleasing, by suppressing your own needs and wants, maybe, you know, in the last case of Really compromising your personal standards, right?

[00:11:51] You want to avoid, nobody's going to admit to it, but I've been there. You want to avoid backlash from parents, you know, maybe you, you start feeling that terrible stress of, shall I not grade on a rubric? Should I change this grade? You know what I'm saying? Nobody wants to cop to it, but it happens. So anyway, think of the stress that brings, right?

[00:12:11] Stress, depression. We know that medical research. It says that stress either causes or makes worst 80 percent of all illnesses, right? It's really taking a toll on you. It's showing up in your life as depression is showing up as. Resentment. You feel like you're betraying yourself, even though you don't, you know, maybe use those words.

[00:12:39] You feel uneasy and resentful, like, why is everybody else's needs come first? Why am I putting myself last? You feel you have no agency or control over that, and that's not true. So it manifests as just, you know, maladaptive coping behaviors, right? You are not eating healthy. You're not sleeping well. You have anxiety.

[00:13:00] You neglecting personal relationships. Um, you feel like just unable to cope, right? This is all stemming from this stress from you overexerting yourself. Okay. And, um, how are we going to stop it? Okay. So again, I like to keep things upbeat and positive, but I just, the first step to everything with awareness comes choice.

[00:13:28] Maybe you're not connecting the dots that all of, um, these issues that you are having, um, may Many of them beyond your control, right? If we go back to my ECHO framework, E, your energy teaches more than your lesson plans. That's why it's so vital that you show up, you know, best you can every day. Not resentful, short tempered, annoyed.

[00:13:56] Um, students feed off that, right? C, in the ECHO framework, control what you can control. Okay, so something you can control is how often you say yes, when you really want to say no. Right, and what it really boils down to, what it really boils down to is you learning to sit in that. Discomfort, right? When you, at all costs, I always wanted to avoid at all costs that awkward moment when I would push back or I would say no or somebody seemed disappointed or displeased in me and I would just, you know, keep talking and fix it real real quick.

[00:14:43] Um, or one of the best skills. And hardest that I ever had to learn was pause, shut up for a minute, like really that silence that is uncomfortable after you've said no or set a boundary or you know lovingly told somebody you know that isn't gonna work for me you know it feels like that lasts forever okay we're gonna look In a minute at the science that says emotions only live in your, um, in your body for 90 seconds.

[00:15:17] Like that really is true. And that feels like, you know, forever, right? So, okay, let's look at it. So number one, how are we going to stop it? What do I always say? With awareness comes Choice. Now, you know, , this isn't something that's naturally just happening to you. There is some level of, uh, personal responsibility.

[00:15:41] What, what's your part? Right? How, what are you doing that is helping create, continue exasperate this? Um, and let's look at that. Okay? So first, be aware there's another way. There are people who manage to say no and still have good, healthy, productive relationships. There are people on your campus, in your profession, who manage to have Work life balance and everybody benefits from that, right?

[00:16:19] There are people who are managing to exercise proper self care. So if they can do it, you can do it. Now, I know some of you are gonna argue for your limitations. Oh, they don't have my They don't work in my district. I worked in a district. Let me tell you as I almost use some inappropriate language. Let's just say a pressure cooker, right?

[00:16:46] Total shock to my system. Total shock to my system. It's hit me into this tailspin, um, where I thought for a short period of time that I wasn't even going to be able to teach anymore until I really just. Come on now, take responsibility for my part in it, right? And manage to set some boundaries. Okay, alright.

[00:17:07] So the first thing, awareness comes choice. 2. So understand what's your responsibility and what isn't. You can't be all things to all students. And you are only human. Right? Rewrite that narrative. That self care is selfish. Okay? That self care is indeed. You know, right now. I'm going to get a little vulnerable, I mean, kind of in a hurry recording this episode.

[00:17:39] I am usually scheduled three, four episodes out, you know, just in case, just in case. Well, my life took a bit of a turn in the last week. So just in case all those episodes have just run out, was out of town for a month, came back, had it on my schedule this week, buckled down, let's get five episodes that I had planned out that I was super excited about reporting.

[00:18:00] Let's get them done. Um, early in the week, uh, my partner, um, sorry, my partner was in, um, a pretty serious accident. And so the whole week was spent in the hospital with him. I was fine. I wasn't in the accident, but, uh, he really needed, um, I needed to be there 13, 14 hours a day. He was in a trauma unit and, um, just came home and it has been around the clock care trying to figure out what.

[00:18:33] Um, what the rest of, uh, you know, his recovery is going to look like. Okay. So things come up. Oh my God. I totally like even lost the plot now. That's talk about trauma response. Let me stop. Let me look at my notes. What point was I making? Sorry about that. Alright, I got it. I was on the point that self care is not selfish.

[00:18:58] So here's what happened. When all of this is going down, and I'm very much in tune to suddenly being a caretaker 24 7, um, like I had to set some limits after the first day. Like, okay, like not okay, like at some point I need to eat. I need to take my medication. I have some, um, you know, medical, um, concerns.

[00:19:19] Like I, I need to be able to shower and having to set that boundary and say this whole thing is only gonna work. Um, I'm the glue holding it all together. It's only gonna work if I show up. A is my best self. I need to get some sleep. Um, right. I need to ask for help. Which doesn't come naturally to me. I need to take care of myself.

[00:19:43] If I don't take care of myself, this whole thing is going to fall apart. Okay, so there's that tangent. Okay, so rewrite the narrative. Okay. Another part of the narrative is, again, Not, you know, we're not blaming our parents on everything, but we're just examining what is that soundtrack? What is that constant kind of voice in your head, um, that is leading you to people, please?

[00:20:13] And I'll tell you what mine is. And mine is What will people think? The soundtrack of my childhood. What will people think? Um, very heavy on appearances. What will people think? What will people think of me if I say no? What will people think of me if I'm not always putting others first? Right? Um, and you know, I've had to re examine for myself where is this need for validation coming from and how do I provide it for myself?

[00:20:45] Given that I cannot be all things to all people. All right. So here's how we're going to stop with awareness comes choice. We're going to reframe. We're going to rewrite the narrative that you need to do everything. You're going to step number three. You're going to understand what's your responsibility and what isn't right.

[00:21:03] You. Um, I don't know, maybe some of you just have a small classroom, maybe some of you have, you know, a hundreds of students that we get going through our classroom every day. Okay. So, um, you can't be all things to all people. Right. So that's number three. Number four, really dust off, you know, your psych 101 at some point did we all have to take psychology 101?

[00:21:33] Do we remember our cognitive distortions? Okay the bright cognitive distortions is me just telling you, like I have qualifications in neuro linguistic programming. Let me tell you, I could talk about cognitive distortions for days. I'm gonna put it this way, that's just, you're Braintelling your bullshit, it's telling your stories that aren't true.

[00:21:55] So here's one. We got to let go of that black and white thinking, right? Oh, I'm a bad teacher if I don't do X. If I don't volunteer for all the extra things and the students don't get to do it. You know, I'm a bad teacher, right? That's a black and white thinking. Another cognitive distortion, which is very hard to move beyond, is that catastrophic predictions, right?

[00:22:20] That would be, oh, if I don't help the students, if I don't do this, you know, their whole life will be ruined. Right. That really fuels people pleasing. We, if you're somebody, especially who, you know, is hypervigilant and suffers from anxiety, it's very, you know, that brain, we have a negativity bias, right?

[00:22:40] We're going to go straight to that catastrophic. Prediction. So the easiest way, the easy, it's not easy. It's simple, the simplest way, which is not easy. Um, but the simplest way is when you catch yourself in that spiral, that thought spiral, just ask the question. Is that true? Is that true? Like we're all intelligent beings, we can reason.

[00:23:04] Stop it. When it starts to spiral, is that true? Of course it's not true. Right? Is that true? Alright? Write that down in a stick note, put that stick note in your lesson plan book, on your computer monitor, in your wallet. I don't care. Put it somewhere where you will see it a lot. It's a good habit to have, right?

[00:23:21] When your brain is making all these narratives, engaging in storytelling that isn't true or helpful, is that true? Okay. So that was step number four, right? We keep in track of the steps. Oh, I'm a little sidetracked there, didn't I? Little, little, little personal drama interfered here. But so one with awareness comes choice.

[00:23:44] Two, rewrite that narrative, look at your need for validation and see where it comes from. Number three, understand what's your responsibility and what isn't, right? Number four, ditch the cognitive distortions. Start asking yourself, is that true? And number five, here's the kicker. Get comfortable with somebody else's discomfort, right?

[00:24:13] Like I said, it doesn't last that long, but our immediate, or at least my immediate tendency is to keep talking and to keep doing and to keep offering and to keep fixing because I don't want conflict to end, like I said, in that space, that was unpredictable, uh, bad stuff could happen, um, and I'm not a child anymore.

[00:24:33] That was my experience when I'm a child and I'm not a child anymore and I'm an adult and I'm in charge of my classroom and I can be empowered to do that. So really a lot of things come boil down to this, you know, that we are doing things that, um, that serve us in the moment, right? But don't serve us in the long run.

[00:24:56] So when you say yes, to something you don't want to do, right? Or you take on another responsibility, all the things, any, you know what people pleasing looks like. When you do any of those things, now, that's something you want now is to get out of that discomfort, but it doesn't get you what you want eventually, right?

[00:25:13] A lot of times we feel, oh, it's just easier to do it myself or to have that difficult conversation or it's easier to do it myself than it is to show somebody else how to do it and then, you know, that shows up as perfectionism, only I can do it this way, right? It all boils down Right, two, what do I want now versus what do I want eventually?

[00:25:31] And when we take that easy choice in, okay, now this is good for me now. Like, but will it get you what you want eventually, right? It's the same conversation I have myself every time I look at. It's going to make me feel good for like, you know, I don't know, a minute, 30 seconds. Is it what I want eventually?

[00:25:51] No, it's not what I want eventually. Um, so anyway, that's get comfortable with somebody else's discomfort. Right. And number six, get some skills. These are all skills that can be learned. We were never taught them how to set boundaries. Had a lot of episodes on that. Effective communication skills, how to reframe difficult conversations as something helpful.

[00:26:19] Right? I, I was so conflict avoidant that I was invisible in my mind. I was invisible and resentful as hell. Uh, I felt I was Cinderella. Why? That, that was on me. That was on me, right? And, um, I needed, I just had no Um, role model or no framework or no idea that conflict could be productive, that a discussion and stating needs and wants could be helpful, okay, and, um, resourceful.

[00:26:53] And so I needed. To learn that, right? I needed to learn some skills. I, like, they're the skills that I teach now. It, it, they led me to go get my qualification as a life coach with emotional quotient. Right? Like, to learn how to participate in, um, nonviolent communication. Um, I mean, that sounds like, you know, that's not to do with people not hitting each other.

[00:27:21] It's just, um, the term, um, gosh, I can't remember the guy's name who, who, um, is responsible for that framework, but it's a very famous framework, right? Learn the skills, learn the skills, learn the skills. Okay. Number seven. Here's where we get one. Practice sitting in discomfort. Right. If you want some real good evidence on this, I, gosh, um, there is a fantastic book.

[00:27:47] In fact, if you don't have time to read a book, she has a fantastic TED talk and I will, I will, um, put it in the show notes, but, um, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. I don't know if you know who she is. She was a Stanford, um, neuroscientist and she, um, Observed herself, observed herself, she had a stroke, she had a stroke and, and she was kind of cognizant as being a scientist of studying what happened to her, in her experience while it happened.

[00:28:18] And, um, I mean, it was a very, very, um. You know, kind of devastating stroke. She had to learn in her forties, how to, you know, how to walk again, how to talk again, how to eat again, there was a question, would she get her cognitive ability back? I mean, brilliant scientist, but anyway, she, um, so she wrote a book called, um, my stroke of insight, a brain scientist, personal journey, right?

[00:28:45] But you can, um, again, her name is Jill Bolte, B O L T E. Taylor and I'll put the book and her TED talk link at the bottom. But the important thing about this is that really anecdotally, but she really, her research shows that emotions last roughly 90 seconds in the body. Right, if you are willing to sit in it, if you are letting an, let an emotional, if you're willing to let it run its physiological course, like let it feel it go through your body rather than trying to suppress it, right, or distract ourselves or, you know, whatever you, it will dissipate in 90 seconds.

[00:29:35] Okay, so here's a lovely quote of hers. I realize that my emotion is really a collection of chemical reactions and I can choose to fan the fire or dampen the flame. And then I make the choice to sit very still. I just wait, wait, breathe, breathe. I imagine all that energy passing out of my body, down my arms.

[00:30:07] Through my feet, and I feel better. Alright, so I know that, um, that might seem strange to you, but I have had my own personal experience of that. I am somebody who very rarely feels anger. Um, I'm, Actually, I'm not sure that statement is true. Um, I suppress my anger, but it, um, I rarely get angry, but when I do, I have a very physiological response to it.

[00:30:34] Like, I know. And so here's the bonus tip, right? Be like Jill. Be like a scientist. I just try and get really, really curious. When I find myself getting angry, I take a breath and I, I just get curious. Like where do I feel that in my body? Now for me, it's in my chest. It's in the inside of my chest starts to feel really, really tight, but I also feel heat rising.

[00:31:02] Up my neck. I have, um, I had a teaching partner who knew for years, Uh oh, she got the red neck. Come on, we ride in, you know, we ride at dawn. Where are we going? Who do we have to fight? Like my whole chest and my neck gets so red when I get angry, even if I don't open my mouth and I don't say anything.

[00:31:17] Physiologically, if you know me well enough, you know. So I train myself to just let me feel it work its way through my body. And really, in 90 seconds, it can dissipate. Now, 90 seconds is a really long time to be quiet in a classroom, like stuff's going down. Can you really stand there and be quiet for 90 seconds?

[00:31:39] No, but you could start with 10, 20, 30, right? So get curious. It's about the emotion, right? So those are my best tips for that. Again, the work of a lifetime, okay? Um, nothing I can all cover in one podcast episode, the same kind of stuff that I talk about again and again. Um, and really a lot of this framework is what I teach in my.

[00:32:04] Um, you may know I have a course, a signature course, the same name as this podcast called Balance Your Teacher Life. And these are some of the skills we really look at is looking at our cognitive distortions, rewriting frameworks, having a very strong, um, what I call North Star, knowing what our non negotiables are.

[00:32:23] How do we set boundaries? What are the scripts? How do we have a boundary plan for all of that? All areas, um, in our life, how do we have, uh, protect our energy from others? How do we have these difficult conversations, right? So this is all work that we do together and, and get coached on. So, you know, it, There is a lot in there.

[00:32:45] It's not something I can cover in one podcast. Um, if, if you're interested in maybe, um, looking at the next time that course runs, I usually run two, um, cohorts a year because it does involve me, you know, with this group coaching component, you can just go to my website, gracestephens. com forward slash balance.

[00:33:05] Um, it will probably say enrollment closed, but you could at least look at the page and see if that's something you're interested in doing. I'm probably going to run it again in January. Okay, but that's an aside if you feel you need some, you know, immediate help, keep listening in. Okay, all right, so that's it.

[00:33:20] I'm going to summarize again. Here's, um, our nine steps. With awareness comes choice, right? Examine your need for validation. Where does it come from, right? Rewrite that narrative. Kind of put a stop to that soundtrack. I don't know what yours is, mine is. What will people think? Right? Understand what's your responsibility and what isn't.

[00:33:45] Reframe those cognitive distortions. Ask yourself, is that true? Learn to get comfortable with somebody else's discomfort, right? Learn to recognize what's the difference between What you want now versus what you want eventually, right? Learn some new skills, boundary setting, communication skills, right?

[00:34:10] Learn to reframe difficult conversations as being productive and helpful and resourceful and not as, oh my gosh, I would rather do anything than engage in a conversation that is not all happy clappy, right? Come on now, we can't get through life that way. All right. So. I am proud of you for listening. I'm going to, you know, let's, let's be good students.

[00:34:32] Let's give a summary statement. So in the short term, people pleasing is going to help you avoid. Conflict and illicit temporary validation. But over time, putting others before yourself constantly is going to deplete you mentally, emotionally, and it's going to make you sick. Right? Self care and learning to say no is an effect.

[00:34:57] essential part of self care. Self care is not selfish, okay? Look at my extreme situation that I'm in right now. Again, if I don't take care of myself like this whole nothing about this is gonna work, okay? So, um, people pleasing tendencies. We have a lot of them in education. Those are the types of people, the helpers, that we attract.

[00:35:22] Right. It's born of admirable motivations because you want to help, but instead it is really paving the way towards teacher burnout, which is not good for anybody. Okay. All right. I am proud of you for listening. I wish you well this week. Um. A really good place to start, probably in the outro, which gets recorded at some other time, it might talk about the boundary setting quiz, that's a really good place to start, go take that quiz, look at you, it's all written just for educators, like an old style quiz that you can find out where are those blind spots, where are you saying yes, yes, yes, all the time where you need to be saying no, and uh, As always, you can create your own path, you can bring your own sunshine and my wish for you is to be well.

[00:36:17] ​