The Paradigm Shift Needed to Reduce Teacher Burnout

This week's episode is a follow-up from last week, where I fangirled all over the granddaddy of all personal development work, steven Covey's seven habits of highly effective people, and I promised I would do a deeper dive into one of those habits, the first one, which is a paradigm shift. So stay with me, because in this episode I'm going to tell you the one paradigm shift that you could make that would change everything for you, and I'm not just hyping that up, it's the truth. So follow along, let's do this. Steven Covey says we see the world not as it is, but as we are or as we're conditioned to see it. Wow, so let's think about that for a minute. This really talks the idea of a paradigm shift. So what is a paradigm shift? A paradigm shift is simply its fancy words, for when you have a complete change on how you see or view something, even though that thing hasn't changed. Or, let's put it this way, how two people can look at the same object, person, incident, occurrence and have two very different opinions and experiences of it. Right? So that's basically what a paradigm shift is. Have you ever seen an optical illusion? You can Google them, but the very famous one in fact it is inside Dr Covey's book is it is of an old lady. It's a picture of an old lady. It's a sketch, a black and white sketch, and it's an old lady. And you look at it and you're like, huh, yeah, it's an old lady and she has a scarf over her head. Or is it Because then somebody will say to you you'll say, what's that picture of? And they'll say, oh, it's a beautiful young lady, a beautiful young lady. What they see is a beautiful young lady, which is also embedded in the picture. You have to be looking at it at a different perspective. Mind blown rain, so you can go. It's a very famous one. Now I saw in in the book, but you know you got a member. I read this book Almost 30 years ago, it's before we have the internet and memes and all these things. In fact I have seen that quote of dr Covey's that as a mean. Many times we see the world not as it is but as we are, and I've never seen it attributed to him and it's only when I actually just open the book and so it. You know it was highlighted that I'd highlighted it so long ago and you know I was that student. I got to say, highlighting wasn't really Helpful for me, because I highlight more than half the text to give another student was me. No, shame to say it, it was me. I think everything's important, I don't want to miss it anyway. So, paradigm shift let's get to it. First I'm gonna give you the example for the book and then I think that really helps solidify in your mind what paradigm shift is, and then, as I promised, I'm gonna talk about some that we can have around education and the one that will serve us really, really well. So in the book and I remember this, I didn't have to go look at that's what an impression it made on me something I heard one time or read one time 30 years ago is still with me. So in this example of a paradigm shift that doctor Covey gives, he is, he was on the subway and it was a Sunday morning. Now, remember 30 years ago, listen around young and when you were on the subway or the bus or the train, public transportation, you know we didn't have devices, we weren't listening to music, we didn't have well, maybe some of us had, you know, a walk man. You can go, you know, look on Wikipedia what that was, but very few people, most people would be dosing their eyes closed or reading a paper, reading a book. That's usually what was happening. So public transportation was usually pretty quiet place. Well, it was a Sunday morning and doctor Covey was on this train, on the subway, and in comes a man and I can't remember if it was two or three children, but regardless, the whole atmosphere In the subway carriage changes. Man sits down and he has his eyes closed and he's just kind of gently rocking, but his eyes are closed and he's paying absolutely no attention to his children who are Causing mayhem, running up and down, like hitting people's papers, like clearly, like really out of control, inappropriate behavior. And what's drunk doctor Covey and other people who were visibly getting irritated was this parent was doing nothing about it, right? You know? Especially come on, think about us for teachers were very comfortable telling other people's children what to do, right? So these kids are running around doing all this and this gentleman is literally doing nothing. So after a while, doctor Covey says all he thinks he would been so patient. He quietly says to man excuse me, your children are disturbing everybody. Do you think maybe you could do something about that? And the man says oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't notice. We just came from the hospital. My wife, their mother, died an hour ago and I guess I don't really know how to react. To me that the so I mean you can just imagine, right, what a complete change of attitude towards the situation. It's the same situation it have been 30 seconds ago, but now doctor Covey is complete Attitude towards it had changed and because he had new information, or just a paradigm shift, a new way of looking at from somebody else's experience, right? So that's basically a paradigm shift. So let's tie that to education. So, if you want to think about students and teaching, I'm going to say in the last 10 years there has been a huge paradigm shift and maybe if you have not spent more than 10 years in education, you just take it for granted. But those of us who've been here a long time, or even if you can look back and think of yourself going to school, you will appreciate what a huge paradigm shift has occurred, with growth mindset, the idea that intelligence isn't fixed, that making mistakes is a pathway to learning and a part of learning, like that whole paradigm shift, the idea of how we look at students and their abilities and how students look at themselves and their intelligence and their abilities, their skill sets, and look at making mistakes as an opportunity to grow, not as something to be embarrassed or shamed about or just to shut down and avoid wanting to learn Period. So growth mindset at the beginning it was not as well embraced as it is now, but that has been just like a huge paradigm shift in education. I'm so thrilled for that. But I'm going to talk about a different one. That was not the big secret one. Everybody knows about growth mindset. Let me tell you the paradigm shift that I have made, or that I keep working on A mindset shift, an attitude, a belief that I repeat and repeat and repeat to myself to try and override that automatic conditioning that I've had my whole life to the contrary, and this is the big paradigm shift. If you can make this paradigm shift and I will give you specific examples how that can help you out but if you can make this one, everything about your relationships will change. Your frustration level will change and, as you can imagine, if your frustration level and your relationships change, your life changes, not just inside the classroom, but outside. So here it is the biggest paradigm shift that people can make is assume the best intentions. That sounds so easy. Well, it actually doesn't. It sounds simple, it's not confused, simple and easy. It is simple. Assume the best intentions of other people. Assume Give them grace is what I usually say. Assume that people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the position they find themselves in. Now, clearly, lots of people are lacking skills, and I'm not talking academic skills, I'm talking into personal skills, just emotional intelligence. A lot of people are doing the best they can, even if what in our mind? It isn't good enough. Step it up, people extending grace to them and having this mindset shift, this paradigm shift looking at the situation from the point of view of they're just doing the best they can it will really relieve stress out of your life and out of your relationships. So let me give you a couple of examples of paradigm shifts that I've had so that you can see where this comes into play. So let's roll back the clock. The first one I'm going to think about is a student. Oh my gosh, see how these students stay with you. Because this was, I can tell you, that year, it was 2002. Wow, that's a long time ago, right 2002, I was teaching first grade, and you got to remember that first grade, back then, five and six year olds, I mean, this was before. Like the internet, people, kids were not on devices, right? They sure they watched television. Okay, that was what we all said. Oh, I remember, you know, my dad never once referred to the television without calling it the idiot box, right, we thought, he thought that television was going to ruin everything. Well, now, we wish we could go back to that simpler time, right? Well, we could control the channels. Kids are on these devices all the time. So, anyway, it was a simpler time, right? Five and six year olds seemed a lot more innocent than they are now, unless they had older siblings. They were just not exposed to things that were not really childlike for the most part, right. So, you know, the girls were still wearing like Disney clothes and it was cute, they were sweet. So a new student starts. I had no notice that he was starting, he just showed up. Okay, quick, you know you do the hustle. You got a whole fine of a desk and get them a name tag and all the things. And you know me worried about. He didn't, you know, have the right books or whatever. You know, I should have other things on my mind because by first recess, which basically we had been in school and are in 30 minutes, I get a call from the office. He's been on the yard a few minutes. We're going to call him Johnny it wasn't his name, but you know we'll just go generic. So there's a call that I need to come to the office because Johnny covered. If you have, if there are little tinies listening in the car, cover your ears, friends, because little Johnny, little I think he was six, he was a little on the older side for first grade. Little Johnny had called a sweet, innocent little girl in my room a fucking bitch on the yard. So you know that's not first grade words, excuse my language, but that's what he'd called her. So I get called to the office and the principal is already busy laying into him. Now you got to remember again we're dialing back the clock to 2002. And we were not having conversations really back then about restorative practice, reflection sheets, all the things. So the admin, you know, was straight into the punishment phase and laying into him. We don't use those words and here's what your punishment is going to be. And you know you just got here. You should be ashamed of yourself, like all the things that like, wow, yeah, we shouldn't be doing. So I am quick. I passed the secretary's desk and he was so brand new, he actually had his cumulative folder. Is cum sitting on her desk and I picked it up and I thought I'd picked up the wrong folder Because, let me tell you, in first grade usually you know that cum is three pieces of paper thick. It's got a health record, it's got an enrollment record, maybe a report card from kindergarten. Okay, it's a super thin document like this cum file folder. Well, I picked up Johnny's let's say, this thing was an inch thick. An inch thick. It was filled with pink paper, which you may not know, but pink paper was usually the office referrals, behavior slip. So obviously this kid had, you know, already, by first grade, already had quite the track record and I'm glad I hadn't seen that folder before he arrived in my classroom. I hate it when you know you make judgments on kids before they get there. But anyway, something in my head was like you know, there's something very wrong here. And so I just asked him instead of. You know, I was really upset for this little girl who was upset. But I said to him Johnny, why do you hear those things? Why would you say that? And he said that's what my dad calls all girls Right Now. I should have mentioned his sister also started school. That day. I should load a car, remember she was in maybe third grade, I think. I said, including your sister, and he's like, oh yeah. So now you know we got a whole new, we are a paradigm shift. And so being so mad at this kid you know I'm not going to lie I'm so mad at this dad, like what on earth is going on here and Really having an a complete attitude change towards his child, like he needs some caring, some gentleness, he needs to See positive role models of men being respectful of all the things right and, of course, like let's get the school counselor involved. I have to say that that family's tenure our school was very short for other reasons than the playground incident. Child protective services have got called and anyway, that was one of the first times I had got involved in that type of Thing and it sticks with you, right, it really stays with you anyway. So there's an example of a paradigm shift with a student. It's extreme, but think, think about that student who is acting out inside your room day in, day out can really get on your nerves, and I remember one time I heard Somebody talking about it was a spiritual principal. They said that thing that you keep coming up against, or that person that you keep coming up against, that you can't seem to Reconcile with, are they less of a wall and more of a mirror? So I know that might seem a little deep for your commute or your walk or whatever you do, and right now, as you listen to my voice, but Is that a mirror, not a wall? So what does that really mean? Like? Is that behavior that is driving you up the wall? Is the reason? Because it is triggering you somewhere on something you haven't resolved for yourself. So that's a really, you know, deep concept to think about. But I've had many paradigm shifts with that. Right, that child has just been acting out, crying for attention, is anxious, all the things, whatever. And I really had to ask myself is the reason I find this behavior so annoying? Because it is something that I haven't quite reconciled for myself. So there, you would have a paradigm shift with a student, okay, so let's carry on to a parent. Today is story time, right? So this parent. Okay, it is the third child of this parent, this mother, that I have in my class, and it's the third child and it's the third custody arrangement. So basically, this mother had three children with three different dads. And I do not want to seem like I'm judging on that. What I was judging on was how she handled it. Very, very unhealthy kids caught in the middle, very litigious. It was just really tough on the kids. None of those custody arrangements were going smoothly. Everybody had different roles. If it was Dad's night, you couldn't take the backpack home because we didn't trust that with the backpack. You know, it was just. There was just a lot of drama and a lot of blame shifting onto the, to the other parent we had. In this one week where it all was culminating was we were having a field trip. The mum had volunteered to go on the field trip. That's great. Well, another mom had volunteered to go on a field trip. She was the girlfriend of the dad who was the father of this other student, right? But he had another child in that class and so this particular mother was cheated. Under no circumstances Can that girlfriend come on the field trip. Like, what control do I have of that Like I can't choose you over her, like just all kinds of dilemmas I should not be having. And then also later that week we had had a winter program how Sweet Children singing about love and joy, and it was the handoff night, and the winter program went from five to six and handoff time was 5.45 apparently. And because that didn't happen, because the child was on stage, the parent called the sheriff. So that was more drama than we needed, right? So anyway, all that's the background of me, like at my wit's end with this parent. And yes, I was judging on her like what the heck. And yes, because it was annoying to me, but more so because it was very traumatising for these students. Anyway, I guess I must have been complaining about her. And it was to another teacher who had been at the school a very long time and who was three grades ahead of me. She taught fourth grade. I had taught, I was teaching first, and I was going on and on about this mom, and then the teacher surprised me and she said I remember when she was in fourth grade she had such beautiful cursive handwriting and I about stopped dead in my tracks. I'm like, oh my gosh, she was a kid once. I've had so many, so many students over the years and we always do some version of you know. Oh, my dream for my life is this, or something I want to achieve in my life is this. Or when I want to grow up, I want to be, and not once has a kid ever said yeah, I want to grow up and have three baby daddies. Or I want to grow up and have problems with drug and alcohol. So my children are taken away from me. Because that has also happened many, many times with my students, right it? Just to remember them as kids with hopes and dreams of their own has been a complete paradigm shift for me and really helped me. Give them grace right. Give them the benefit of the doubt, assume the best intentions right. Assume that people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the situation they find themselves in. With parents especially, I always say you know there's a lot of parents that we work with that you know we would not hang out with if we had a choice that co-workers too, right, but it's particularly with parents. We don't have to have anything in common with them to do a good job. The only thing we need to have in common is that we want the best for their child. We want the best for their child. We've got to assume they want the best for their child. Now, of course, there can be a lot of disagreement on how that should happen and what that looks like. Right, I get that. But to have that paradigm shift that they're doing the best they can with the skills they have maybe you know they're still dealing with childhood trauma and, let's be honest, when we find parents who are really negative and bitter and kind of seem to attack us for no reason, we ought to take ourselves and our emotions out of that equation, not take it personally and realize that there may very well be many, many adults walking around right now with children of their own for whom their educational experiences of child was not good at all. Right, they were traumatized in school, whatever that looked like, bullied, just, you know all the things, right, and so if a parent is carrying that around with them, they're hyper vigilant about their child. They really want to stick up for their child. We've got to like like I'm always happy when I see a parent advocating for their child, even though that makes them a pain in the neck for me sometimes like, yeah, advocate for your child. Children need advocating for, okay. So there's the paradigm shift. Imagine your coworkers, right? If a coworker is really seeming unreasonable, unhelpful, difficult to work with, you know there are strategies for dealing with that. Set the boundaries lots of episodes about that do all the things but at the same time, have that basic paradigm shift. Huh, I wonder what's going on with them. Right, like, assume the best intentions. It helps you not to take things so personally. So, anyway, all right, that's it. That's paradigm shifts. That's my little talk about that. I really hope you'll consider trying to just remember. There's a different way of looking at this. Right, there's a different way of looking at this. We know this. Listen, you could. One day you're driving along, somebody cuts you off in traffic and you are enraged, right, you're just enraged, right. The next day, like you live in your best life. You're chilling to some tunes, you know, you've had your cappuccino, you're good, blood sugars stable. Same person does the same thing. You shrug your shoulders and you're like dang, hope he gets where he's going safely. Right, it was the same exact incident, but how you showed up, how you reacted to it, was different, right. So just try and keep that in mind. Okay, I appreciate you so much. I hope you found this helpful, and next episode we're going to dive into a completely different book. Trust me, this whole you know this whole podcast is not going to be about books. It's about to balance your life. But if you listen to the previous episodes, you know that I prefist this with. These are some of the most transformational books that will change your teaching and plot twist. They're not about teaching, right? So looking forward to that In the meantime, be well.