Nov. 26, 2025
Give FIRST and Lead BETTER: Secrets to Building Unbreakable Relationships
What if your leadership success hinged on the art of giving before asking?
This week, we unpack powerful strategies for emerging leaders to build authentic connections and cultivate abundant leadership impact.
We explore:
This week, we unpack powerful strategies for emerging leaders to build authentic connections and cultivate abundant leadership impact.
We explore:
- Why relationships always come BEFORE results... and how to nurture them intentionally
- The mindset shifts for giving your time, attention, and gifts before expecting anything back
- Researching and preparing to add value in every new connection
- The simple power of genuine compliments and generosity in everyday interactions
- Being the Chief Question Asker who builds deeper, trusting rapport
- Leveraging reciprocal giving to open unexpected doors and multiply influence
WEBVTT
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This podcast is a proud member of the Teach Better
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podcast network, Better Today, Better Tomorrow, and the podcast to
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get you there.
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You can find out.
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More at tiefbetter dot com slash podcast.
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So when it comes to giving your time, it's also
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so important to give your attention early on instead of
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diving right into what you do on that first connection call,
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give your attention first.
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I teach leaders about being that chief question asker, and
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I think people appreciate when you do ask questions and
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pay attention to their answers.
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Do you want to be a leader in a constantly
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changing world? Our emerging leaders look different, come from various
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backgrounds and from all different age groups. Leadership is changing
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and it's hard to keep up. But the good news
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you can be a leader too. You can be an
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e merging leader. Welcome to the Limitless Leadership lounch Try
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Generational Conversation for emerging leaders. Come spend some time with
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us to discuss leadership from three angles. The coach, Jim Johnson,
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the professor doctor and Numa Kareem the host, John Gering
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a monthly guest. And you get in on the conversation
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on Facebook and Instagram and be sure to follow us
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on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Speaker, So come on in
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and make yourself comfortable.
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Well, Bob Berg has a great book called The go Giver,
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and he actually has been on our podcast and talking
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about the power of giving first, something that we also
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want to touch on today too here in this Thanksgiving season,
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I am John Garing. Welcome to the Limitless Leadership Lounge,
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joined us always by coach Jim Johnson and doctor Numa Kareem.
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So how do you give first? That's the question because
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I know we certainly all agree that it's important to
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give before you get, and that's Bob Berg's model as well.
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But how coach, you have a few ideas, Let's dive
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in with you first.
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Yeah, So I just want to start with a quick context.
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This is not a fly fee that I was great.
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Early in my life. I wasn't thinking of giving first,
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and as I've aged, I've hopefully got a little bit
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wiser and I think it's really a philosophy that I've
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gotten much better. I still got a ways to go,
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but it's something I encourage people to think. How can
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I give first? And I think the ultimate John Wooden
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quote that I always love is that you can't live
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a perfect day without giving to someone without expecting anything
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in return. And that's a pretty powerful concept, much easier
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said than done. So let me give you my three ideas.
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The first one is is I think it's simple, but
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I found as I've met more and more people, whether
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it's online or people, is I think giving first is
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when you're meeting someone for the first time. Is that,
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whether it's online or in person, you need to do
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some research find out about that person so you have
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a foundation when talking. I'm amazed on the other side
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of it how many people I meet because it's something
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I take a lot of pride in it. And again
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I didn't do this that or five years ago, but
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now I take a lot of pride and making sure
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that I do some research so I have a foundation,
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I have some questions in mind. So I think that
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a giver's mindset is to really care about knowing something
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about the other person when you haven't met them before.
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Second is my addition to that, or in dentum, would
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be when you meet somebody for a meal, what have
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the mindset? And again I didn't do this very well
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when I was younger, that I will pay for the
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meal okay, and that you really and I'll even add
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a little thing. And then I have a third idea
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is that is that even if you can bring a
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little small gift, maybe something that you think the person
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I'm big on. Obviously I have a couple of books,
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but I also purchase books from people, So that's an
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idea give to other people which I really like. And
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then my third one is start to think about being
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a good connector. We had Devin size More on our
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podcast back a while, and he's a great connector and
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he lives his life and I've started to try to
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embrace that where I'm thinking about when I meet somebody,
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how can you enhance your life? And one of the
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ways you can do that is by introducing him to
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other people that you think it might be a win
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win for a benefit by introducing them. So those were
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the three things I'm thinking about. Is one, do some
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research of a medium person. Two, if you're meeting somebody
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for a meal, think the mindset that I will buy
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the meal. And then the third one is find ways
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to add value in One of the ways I suggest
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is to try to connect them to people that might
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be a win win for them.
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Well said and I think those three things are ways
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to set yourself up as a giver. It's definitely the
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go give mindset renew. Man and I both have a
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few other things to share. We'll go ahead.
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Yeah. I have always been like labeled as like I
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give some time too much without expecting anything in return.
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But I have seen that it really pays off. It
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really pays off, not immediately, but as our life is long.
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If it's long, then you will find a way to
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see how other people will remember you and give you back.
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There are people who might not, so there are I
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have to say that there are people who will not
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get back give back. But again, when we give, we
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do not always expect something in return. It's a process.
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I'm just there giving what I'm able to give. And
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one thing I have seen that one thing I give
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is giving compliment. So even in the mall, if I
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smell perfume, somebody beside me who is smelling so good,
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I will just tell her what perfume is that you
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smell so good, and you will see that person lighten up. Oh,
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and we'll share the name of the perfume and everything.
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Then if a person is looking good in some dress,
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you just give a compliment, I love it, and it
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has to be genuine compliment. It's not just a compliment
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to give. And sometimes giving a compliment to a stranger,
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you can see how it creates that wonderful warm experience
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and warm environment. So that is one I'm not at
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all hesitating to give compliment in airport and this and
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that all the places. Another thing is giving my time.
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So I have been giving my time to many many programs,
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to my friends, to family members, just being there to
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listen or giving time to a talk. A foundation called
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me without any pay or anything. They asked me that
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could you just share some of your wisdom, and coach
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also does that. So often that we are going there,
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we are giving our time because because we know that
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there is a call, it's a good cause and we
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can make a difference. So giving time is often. I
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know time is now the most valuable thing. I am
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becoming a little bit stringent with giving time nowadays because
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there are so many commitment, but when I see that
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it is worth it. So today I went to a
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foundation who were talking about youth and climate change. Although
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they are not paying me any money or anything by
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but I willingly gave my time as a panelist because
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I thought that it is an issue worth discussing and
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talking and last but not the least, giving support. So
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if I have the ability, I will If anybody needs
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that support and I have that, then I will give back.
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I will give some support mentally or with money or
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something like that. When I know that I have it,
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I can give. And I have often seen that when
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I do that, somehow universe also gives things back to me.
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So there is this sum magic in the universe when
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you give. So it's I think it's the giver's power.
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So it's a habit that I practice and I have
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seen that when I was giving time as a as
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a student, I was teaching my friends and giving time,
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and now they're the one who are giving back to
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my nonprofit. Oh RANDOMA was always there for us, and
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now they are giving back to me. So I think
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everything comes in a circle.
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It all comes back around.
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What's your take?
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Yeah, I think so far we've had six really powerful thoughts, Renuma.
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You just talked about giving time, giving compliments and giving support,
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and coach talking about considering paying for that me also
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actual financial gifts, and you talked about doing some research
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up front. So when it comes to giving your time,
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it's also so important to give your attention early on
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instead of diving right into what you do on that
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first connection call, give your attention first before you get
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attention in return. So what do you do? Let me
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ask about you a little bit and having them talk.
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If you're talking for the first ten to fifteen minutes
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of a call, you've already put yourself in a non
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giving position, in a all receiving position, And so what you
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want to do is give your attention first. That will
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flatter the person you're on the call with, and it
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will also invoke the reciprocity of Hey, what about you?
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How can I help you? So that's what I feel
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like you have to give first. Koach already touched on
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the second thing I was going to talk about briefly,
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but I'll add a little additional tip to a coach
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talked about giving gifts while you're out with someone. One
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thing that I like to do I've started to do
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recently is when I'm done reading a book. I've started
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reading more books this year. When I'm done reading it,
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certainly there might be value in keeping it and the
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really good ones I'm going to keep. I'm going to
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keep and I'm going to recommend to other people, but
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ones that I think are valuable. But maybe I don't
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want to keep around because then ultimately I'm just going
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to have so many books in my house. I'm not
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going to know what to do with them. All. I
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pay that forward, give it to somebody who I feel
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like could benefit from that. It doesn't really cost much
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for me, because it's just costs the mail, the postage
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or whatever that you're a few dollars to send that out,
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But in return, you're getting somebody who's genuinely appreciating that,
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and somebody who can grow their leadership or grow whatever
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it is that they're receiving the book for. So I
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think gifting books is such a powerful thing because it's
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all about how rising tides lift all ships. Right, So
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if we can all grow together and that includes getting
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the knowledge together that we need, then that's even better.
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And then finally Coach talked about making the introductions. I
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think that's so powerful too. I will add one more
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little iddentum to that too. How about sending value to people?
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We all three of us do this, I think pretty well.
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Where we're sending value, whether it's our own promotion things,
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but usually it's not. Usually it's hey, I saw this article,
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I saw this, I heard this podcast episode, or saw
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this video. Be thinking, whenever you're listening or watching something,
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who can you send this to? Who will benefit from
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hearing or seeing this? And that's all about giving first
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and invoking that reciprocity effect. So yes, it may cost
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you a few bucks to send a book or to
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pay for a meal, but I believe in the long run,
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it all becomes worth it. Coacherre knew my any final thoughts, Yeah,
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I'll just.
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Have one comment, John, and I think it's really neat
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because again it's something I didn't do very well, but
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I'm doing much better. In fact, I'll give you a
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quick illustration. You talked about paying attention and I had
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a breakfast with a gentleman last week that it is
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first time I'd ever met him. And the funny thing
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is I realized that I was the CQA, the chief
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question answer, because in the first forty minutes of our breakfast,
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my breakfast was done and he had barely touched his.
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Because literally I would ask him a question and he
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would talk, and then they ask them another question. But
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it's a good indication that sometimes you can find in
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a meal that if you eat your whole meal, you're
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probably doing the listening, which is a good thing. So
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I just a little thing that I think is really important.
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I teach leaders about being that chief question asker, and
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I think people appreciate when you do ask questions and
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pay attention to their answers. So well, said John.
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Yeah, and I think Adam Grant also had a book
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where he talked about givers and takers. So he mentioned
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like when you have that heart off a taker, often
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it is hard to maximize think in an abundant mindset
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because you are taking all the time. But the givers
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usually have that abundance mindset. And hopefully we all can
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practice giving more.
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We need to give before we get. And we talked
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a great great book recommendation there. I also highly recommend,
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