Oct. 8, 2025

Leading with Intention and Resilience - Amy Pechacek

Leading with Intention and Resilience - Amy Pechacek
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How do you transform adversity into authentic leadership that inspires and sustains?

This week we dive into a heartfelt conversation with Amy Pechacek... international speaker, leadership expert, and author of Built by Lessons.... who shares her journey of overcoming profound personal loss and burnout to lead with courage and purpose.

Amy discusses practical strategies for:
  • Choosing happiness daily through intentional decisions
  • Managing time and priorities with reflection and planning
  • Building emotional intelligence and positive feedback loops in leadership
  • Delegating effectively by aligning tasks with team members’ goals
  • Embracing vulnerability and faith as pillars of authentic leadership
  • Creating safe, trusting environments that foster team growth and resilience
Whether you’re starting your leadership path or deepening your impact, this episode offers actionable wisdom to lead with heart, clarity, and resilience.

Learn more and connect with Amy: 

Website: https://www.amypechacek.com/

Lead With Impact: https://www.alpstra.com/

The Shift Podcast: https://www.alpstra.com/podcasts
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More at teechbetter dot com slash podcast.

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If you're never going to give anybody feedback, and you're

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Do you want to be a leader in a constantly

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It's another weekendside the Limitless Leadership Lounge. We are skoked

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today and let's dive into some more leadership insights and

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Coach is as always going to introduce our guests today.

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Go ahead.

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Coach Amy is an international speaker, leadership expert and follunder

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of ELSBA, known for equipping leaders with tools to rise

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not just professionally but personally. Her journey hasn't been easy.

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Amy's personal story includes overcoming unimaginable loss, navigating burnout, and

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making the decision to rebuild her life around purpose. She

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speaks from the heart and is drawing from real experiences,

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not just research. Whether she's on the stage, coaching a team,

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or writing for her desk with a strong cup of coffees.

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Amy is committed to one thing, helping people lead with intention, authenticity,

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and courage. And Amy's greatest joy is found with quiet

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moments with her husband Larry, adult children Nick and Aaron,

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and grand baby Rainey. Without further ado, Amy, Welcome to

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the Limitless Leadership Lounge.

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Hey, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here today.

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We usually dive into leadership questions, but I know, in

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getting to know you a little bit, your journey's been

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pretty remarkable and you've had some real difficulties and challenges

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in your life. So I love to you just to

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take us through a little bit of your journey of

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how you got to where you are today.

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Sure, when I left college, I was a teacher, and

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so I taught for a while, went to for a

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software company, eventually worked former Girl Education, and so my

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career at the time, my career was starting to move

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up like an upward projection. At the same time, my

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personal life was a disaster. The first marriage I had

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was incredibly abusive in any way that you can imagine,

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and so out in public, it looked like I had

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it all together. I was even at one point teaching

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at a private school, a Christian school, while I was

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in an abusive marriage. But then fast forward about ten

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years and my second husband, so I left my first

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husband got remarried and he ended up exhibiting some of

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the same things that my first husband did, not the

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physical abuse, not some of the other forms of abuse,

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but some of the emotional and anger issues that were

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inside of the home that I never saw when we

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dated and nobody. They say a lot of times that

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it's different behind closed door, and it absolutely was with

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him who he was night and day, with how he

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was in public, very charismatic, very charming, life of the party,

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always smiling, a huge smile, and then behind closed doors

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it was you just never knew what would happen. My

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son actually said one time, we would know how the

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evening would go the moment he walked in the door

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after work. So either everybody would go to their rooms

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and split up, or we would all be in the

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kitchen as a family. So it was a very unpredictable

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environment and it took a toll on me, but also

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I saw how it was impacting especially my daughter, and

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I made the choice to leave him as well. Less

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than a month after I left, he broke into the

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apartment I was renting and ultimately took his life. Oh

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in front of me. Yeah, And so during that evening

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when he burst in through my door. At first I thought, okay,

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let's talk. What's going on? I saw some wild wildness

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in his eyes. But then he pulled out a gun,

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and at that point the survival just kicked in. And

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all I can tell you is I tried to get

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out of the apartment. I tried to go out the

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front door, of the back door, of the windows, and

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then he ended up trapping me in my apartment bathroom,

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and I there were moments where I thought he was

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going to take my life and I was praying, and anyway,

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he took his life that night.

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Wow.

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But Amy, you are a symbol of strength and sometime

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the best ones and those who are in this business

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of helping others are the one who has traveled that.

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Path, and probably you are.

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You'll broke into pieces and then you will become a

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new jube. You are now transforming so many lives. So

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thank you so much for being here and sharing your story.

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And I think so many other listeners are in this

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kind of situation and they might be getting some strength

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from you seeing where you are. And I have to

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say that you look amazing as the grandmother, so we

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would never guess that you were a great thank you.

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I'm actually gonna go see her later today to send

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her off to school in the morning, so that'll be

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very sweet. Yeah, oh, you are amazing.

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I was going through your video, the one of the

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happiness video that you have you have on YouTube, and

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there you mentioned that you talked about fourteen percent of

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Americans are being not being happy, only being happy and

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the rest are not and you were talking about like

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how to take steps to find our own happiness, and

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I was coincidentally, I was reading through Martin Seligman's book

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Like and he was talking about he was emphasizing that

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happiness is a skill that we need to learn, we

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do not have, not all of us have the skill.

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So my question is, what are the things that you advice.

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What are the tips you advice when you are going

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to the scarpor setting because they are bombarded with stress, competition,

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they have to be worried about being judged by others.

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And from my point of view, once I broke free

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of all those things, that is when I reclaim my happiness.

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Not caring about what other people think is not being

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in that race and everything. So what are some of

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your advices on that?

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Yeah, So, first off. I truly believe happiness is a choice.

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We get to choose if we're going to be happy

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or not, and a lot of people don't buy into that.

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You can have the head knowledge but maybe not the

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heart knowledge. But I believe it truly is a choice.

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But along with that comes all of the small choices

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you make along the way. One of the things that

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I do personally is I don't watch TV, I don't

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watch movies, and there's a specific reason for that, and

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it's because I believe that there is we are intentionally

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being divided as human beings, as Americans, men against women,

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the races, gender, all of it. There's intentional division happening

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to keep us stirred up, and why would I want

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to subject myself to that. One of the examples I

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use a lot is I know some people who watch

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twenty four hour news all day, every day, and it

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doesn't matter which side of the aisle they're on. Every

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single time I talk to them, they are hissed, and

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they're pissed about a new topic or a new subject

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every time I speak to them. Things that they didn't

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even care about two weeks ago, they're mad about today,

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right because they're the people in the media are trying

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to tell you what to think, how to feel, who

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to be mad at, who you do not like, and

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it just is this division and it's this drama, and

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I believe a lot of people get addicted to that.

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So I have intentionally set myself in a place where

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I don't allow them to dictate my thoughts. Right, so

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I have my own thoughts, my own beliefs. Stopped watching

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TV fifteen plus years ago, so it's been a while,

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so I do a lot of reading. Another thing is

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I believe that the status quo that we're taught you

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go to high school, you go to college, you get married,

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you buy the house, you have two point five kids,

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a dog and a cat, and then you retire. Right,

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that's what's taught. But along the way, what a lot

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of people do is they just they go to work,

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they come home, they watch TV and that's it. They

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spend all of their time on social media or watching TV.

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And so one of the things I recommended people do,

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and I give as an activity in my workshops, is

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what I call an input assessment, where they can literally

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see on average, how many hours a day they spend

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doing productive versus non productive activities, and then I have

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them add up all of those activities in all those

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hours per day, multiply it for the weeks, and then

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fifty two for the year, and you can really see

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how many hours you're spending on mindless, numbing activities like

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TV versus things that are moving you towards your goals

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and your dreams. And I have yet to meet somebody.

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I actually have met two people and the thousands that

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I've given this to who actually had more hours on

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the productive side than the non productive side. So back

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to your question about happiness. If you're spending all of

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your time numbing out, not doing things to create the

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life that you want, that would make you happy, that

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would bring you joy, then you are going to be happy. Right,

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You are going to be unhappy, You're not going to

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be happy. So happiness is a choice, yes, But I

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also believe it goes back to making intentional decisions and

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doing the things that will lead you to living the

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life that you want.

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Yeah, how much of this came out of the trauma

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that you experienced?

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Actually I stopped watching TV before that, But what happened

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in that moment was I myself I realized I wasn't

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living my life with that type of intention. So that

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part of it absolutely came from that incident. I realized

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that I was, I guess you would say, a workaholic,

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not an alcoholic, but a workaholic. I still work a lot,

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but a lot of my work now is creativity. At night,

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instead of watching TV, I will write or read or reflect.

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But when that happened, I did realize that I literally

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I say that family is important. I say that my

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friends are important. I say that I want to have

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this great life, but my actions were not aligned with that,

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which is how I came up with that input assessment.

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So that's a big part of it. But the year

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after it, I made a complete change. Of course, you

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have healing to do along the way, but I made

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a complete change, and I decided to do stuff to

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prove to myself that I wasn't scared and that I

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was worth it and that life was amazing. So I

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went skydiving. I actually was one of those weird people

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who walked on fire. It and it sounds wooy or whatever,

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and I'm fine with that, but it wasn't. It didn't

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hurt at all. Like I tell people, it hurts worse

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to walk on hot sand at the beach than it

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does on hot coals. But that was really scary. And

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one of my favorite things was ill Let Lionel Ritchie

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serenad me, Wow, and twenty thousand others. But whatever, we don't.

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We don't have to. We don't have to share that part,

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I would say, John, A lot of my mindset around

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living this intentional life came when I realized we have

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just one life. That's it. We have one life. And

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even though we can make mistakes and rebound for mistakes,

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and mistake like that, even if he thought it was

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a mistake himself, film never come back from that. So

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instead of wasting my life away, I'm the decision that

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I was going to stand up and live not only

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my life with intention but also help other people learn

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because we're not taught this stuff in school, right, we're

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actually taught the opposite. But I made it my personal

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mission to help people understand how valuable they are.

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Yeah, And after so two pieces of two incidents of

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trauma at least in your life regarding family, yet you're

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still a woman who's very passionate about your family. How

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did that happen? How did you get past those things,

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and you may never fully get past them, But how

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do you don't turn towards your family with bitterness? You

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still you see them with the love and the kindness

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and making them a priority that they are.

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Liking. It to reading a book. You've ever read a

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book or watched a movie, and you have the memory

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of reading that book or watching the movie, but you

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don't have necessarily a lot of emotions attached to it.

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That's the way I describe the things that have happened

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to me. Now. Obviously, at times there are moments where

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that's not true. But ninety eight percent of the time

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I would say it's literally it's like I'm telling you

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about a book I read. But I also have very

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strong faith, and so I leaned very heavily on my

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faith on God, on Jesus. I literally had to just

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surrender it all at that moment for me personally, because

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I knew that I couldn't get through it on my

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own and that as as much as my friends and

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family wanted to support me, they had their own lives too,

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And nobody can say the right thing when something like

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that happens. A lot of times I will just listen

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with people because I've been there. Instead of trying to

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say something, I will just listen right and show love.

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So I just had to really just surrender my healing

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process in my life to Jesus at that time.

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Amy, how you talked about one of your research in

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survey you do and get helping people be aware of

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whether they're productive or not. What are you teaching leaders

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right now? Can you give us one two strategies to

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help people be more productive?

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So we talk about time management. That's a big one.

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There's so many people who talk about time management, but

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how many people are actually using those strategies. One of

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the things that I do personally is I have appointments

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with myself and I have found that a lot of

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high level executives don't necessarily do that. I schedule out

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appointments on my calendar pretty much every day, every day

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where I have a time block of doing the most

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important things that I need to do for myself. It

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might be reflecting any number of things, but whatever those

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priority items are. But not only that. At the end

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of every week, I make a list of my top

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used to be three, now it's five things that I

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need to do the following week. At fair minimal. These

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are the things that have to get done. These are

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the highest priority things, and these are immovable, these are

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non negotiables. So that's at the end of every week.

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I do that on a Friday, and then at the

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end of every work day, which for me, the workday

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doesn't end at five, But when I'm closing out my day,

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I revisit the following day, and this is a daily habit.

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I look at the next day and I say, Okay,

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is everything on here important? Is it necessary? And are

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these the top priorities that I need to do to

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move myself and mind goals forward. So that's a big one.

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Yeah, moving the needle that is so important and after

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and that is an intentional activity. When you have those

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block times to yourself and putting them into urgency on

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all those priorities, automatically you are moving the needle to

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another level. So I think that time management is so

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crucial for being productive. And another thing I have observed

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that many of the people who are coming to the

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workplace or other places, if they are into that not

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so self aware state, they are not being able to

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give their productivity or high performance level to the work

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or to their family so self awareness and I know

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that you're a big fan of emotional intelligence. What are

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some of the some of the tips that you have

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practiced or you are suggesting others to practice to become

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more self aware, not only individually but collectively, because in

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workforce is that collective environment and if we are not

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self aware, and it has been shown that the team

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success is cut into half because there are some people

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who might be self aware some people who are not

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who are driving others' productivity down.

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So have you observed these kinds of phenomenon while.

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You are you're coaching in the corporate sectors and some

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intervention that you could advise.

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Yeah. So one of the things that I've noticed is

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that the majority of people, when they become aware of

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their behaviors, they will take steps to correct those behaviors.

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Now I say majority because not all. There are some

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people out there who have the mindset of this is

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who I am, take it or leave it. And it's

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like the old adage you can lead a horse to water,

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but you can't make them drink. It's got same mindset.

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And so for those people, there's not a lot of

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things that I can do with them or that we

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can do with them, but companies get to make the

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decisions on how to handle that however are And it

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goes back to what we said a few moments ago.

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A lot of times there's head knowledge but not heart knowledge,

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and so it's finding a way to take that knowledge

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and implement it in your life. And one of the

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best ways that can happen is through true, honest feedback.

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I'm not talking about criticism, talking about feedback, so literally

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giving and receiving feedback. I truly believe if I didn't

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care about somebody, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.

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If I don't care about you, I'm not gonna say

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the hard things to you. But if I truly do

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care about you and want to see you get better Bennett's,

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then I'm gonna have to step up and give you feedback.

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And then as the recipient of feedback, I can view

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that as a gift. I use the analogy of Ralphie

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in the Pink Bunny Suit. You guys remember the Toy story,

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the movie, not the Toy story, the Christmas Story movie.

348
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Oh yeah, Christmas story. He wanted a bb gun for Christmas,

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but he got in this pink bunny suit. Okay, now

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that was the gift. He tried on the gift, it

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didn't fit, he took it off. Okay. Feedback's kind of

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the same way. So somebody gives me feedback, then I

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have a duty to myself, an obligation to myself to

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reflect on that feedback and decide if it fits or

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if it doesn't. And if it fits, then I can

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things to implement it and make it better. And if

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it doesn't, I take it off, give it away, whatever.

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But when it comes to being able to be more

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self aware, I think a lot of people just don't

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know what they don't know, and so we come in

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and we do activities with them. We teach them concepts,

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and then we do activities with them to help them

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become more self aware, and feedback is a part of

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that process.

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Maybe let jump in because I'm right with you. Feedback

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is so important. But the challenge is how do you

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help leaders so that feedback becomes effective instead of just

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being pure criticism and getting into blaming the person or

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what It can get certainly very negative. So can you

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give us a couple strategies as far as a leader

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and how you create a positive feedback? Because I think

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it's essential, but it can really be something. It can

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be botched.

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So the processes has to be taught. Okay, So we

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teach the process of that and we look at examples.

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We do case studies, but we look at examples of

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what true feedback is versus what criticism is, and we

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go through all the concepts and so as we're doing that,

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people are getting to do it in a low stakes environment. Okay,

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so they're getting to test it with one another. One

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of the very first foundational things we talk about is trust.

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So there is this process that we go through with

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them to build them up to the point to where okay,

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now it's time for that feedback. But the very foundation

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of that is trust. And not just trust, but Patrick

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Lindsayoni talks about vulnerability based trust. So that type of

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trust where I'm going to open up to you and

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I'm going to tell you something about me that happened

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to me, not anything that I don't want to share,

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but something that I can share. I'm going to tell

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you something about me and maybe what I learned as

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a result of that what I did at the beginning

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of this podcast, right, So share something that happened you

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connect with me emotionally, now I'm seen as a real person,

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and having leaders do that with each other within their team,

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that kind of starts to bring those walls down. But

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that's just one part of it. And then from there,

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I tell you something about me, you tell me something

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about you. Then we have conversations about what trust is.

400
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We hit all the different topics of it. So we

401
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hit the statistics, we hit the case studies, we talk

402
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about the emotions, we talk about the neuroscience and human

403
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behavior behind it. But that's the foundation. It's to start

404
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with trust and some of those case studies. We look

405
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at leaders who the entire point of this conversation was

406
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around being self aware, and we look at the differences

407
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between leaders who are really good leaders, and then the

408
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leaders who were bad or toxic leaders. We look at

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the behaviors that they exhibited and the differences between those leaders.

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So that's another layer that we take them through. I

411
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give my own examples of good leaders versus toxic leaders.

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And then we have, just like doctor Kream said, we

413
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go through emotional intelligence. So we look at all the

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traits of emotional intelligence, both from the perspective of being

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self aware but also being aware of the emotions and

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feelings of other people. And that's another layer that we

417
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go through. So we're going through these layers getting them.

418
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We don't just immediately take them to feedback. You know,

419
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from the beginning, it's probably a full day before with

420
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starting with the foundation of trust and moving up to

421
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the point to where we actually do start talking about feedback.

422
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And sadly, so many work environment now we have a

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problem with trust issues and the toxic culture. Just a

424
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few days ago, a young leady was like really away

425
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and telling me that I'd be giving my one hundred

426
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person and then the leadership they're always trying to find

427
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fault in what I do. So there isn't any middle

428
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feedback like while I'm working or even in the middle

429
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of the year like one on one or something like that.

430
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There is nothing but the end of the year, the

431
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HR calls you and then give the performance analysis, so

432
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there is no scope and would just give the feedback

433
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that you are batting all these things, so there is

434
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no room for growth or giving the feedback in a

435
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continuous process. I think, what are your thoughts on that,

436
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how important it is to give that feedback environment of

437
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trust in a continuous process not at the end of

438
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the year just to identify your fault.

439
00:24:44.839 --> 00:24:49.200
Oh my gosh. Yeah, we abolutely don't want to cite

440
00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:52.279
white people like out of the blue. And if you

441
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are only giving feedback for that annual performance review, then

442
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I would not want you into the good, productive, effective

443
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leader her bucket right. Feedback is something that should be

444
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done on a consistent and ongoing basis. And there's an example.

445
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I give a lot when I talk about my experience

446
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:13.480
with a good boss, I will share it in a

447
00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:16.920
different light for you guys here, But the worst boss

448
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I ever had was at one company, My very next boss,

449
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my very next direct supervisor, was the absolute best boss,

450
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best leader I've ever worked with today, hands down. And

451
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one of the things he would do is we had,

452
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depending on the position I held, because I was promoted

453
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at different stages, but we either had weekly calls or

454
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buying weekly calls. I would get off the phone with

455
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him and I would feel like a flip and rock star.

456
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I would feel like, oh my gosh, I am like

457
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knocking it out of the park. I'm killing it. I'm

458
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doing such a great job. He just praised me for

459
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an hour on that call. Life is beautiful, but then

460
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when I would go back and reflect on that conversation

461
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later that day the next day, whenever I would realize,

462
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:09.079
oh my gosh, he was not complimenting me. He was

463
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coaching me. But he would coach in such a way

464
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that was felt like it was uplifting and praising me.

465
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And what he was doing was he was talking about

466
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my strengths and he would like give me ideas of

467
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how to improve the strength. Where it did not feel

468
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like coaching. It felt a brainstorm session. Oh Amy, have

469
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you thought about this? And then the areas where I

470
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was not as strong, we would have conversations about that,

471
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but I never felt criticized or blamed. I'll give you

472
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one of them. I am excel. Spreadshoots are my kryptonite.

473
00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:46.920
I say, I am not an analytical at all. I'm

474
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the visionary, big sinker, doer, pessionate. But those fine minute

475
00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:55.079
details like that's somebody else's skill set and not want

476
00:26:55.160 --> 00:26:57.440
and I'm good with that, right, they're good with theirs.

477
00:26:57.480 --> 00:27:00.000
I'm good with mine. But so some of those areas

478
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:04.960
where I wasn't as strong, we put provisions around to

479
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:06.839
take care of that. And one of the things that

480
00:27:06.920 --> 00:27:08.480
he did was he said, you know what, Amy, I'm

481
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:10.720
going to look at your reports. You don't worry about

482
00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:12.799
looking your reports. You get out there and do what

483
00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:15.319
you do. I look at the reports, and if there's

484
00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:18.039
ever anything you needed to be concerned about, I'll let

485
00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:20.759
me know, Doctor Cream. He never called me. He never

486
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:22.599
called me to tell me there was anything to be

487
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:26.480
concerned about. And I give this example because that was

488
00:27:26.519 --> 00:27:31.400
a constant, weekly or bi weekly feedback session. But it

489
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:34.000
was a feedback session in a way to help me

490
00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:38.240
move forward. And that's that type of feedback. Even the

491
00:27:38.279 --> 00:27:40.920
things that he felt I needed to work on, we

492
00:27:41.000 --> 00:27:43.160
would talk about it. But it was such a safe

493
00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:46.839
conversation that anytime he ever did coach me in a

494
00:27:46.880 --> 00:27:51.960
way that was to build up a weakness, it wasn't scary.

495
00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:55.319
It didn't feel like I was in trouble. It felt

496
00:27:55.359 --> 00:27:57.559
like he truly cared about me. And I believe that's

497
00:27:57.559 --> 00:28:00.519
the difference. So those people who wait and till once

498
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.880
a year to give you feedback, they're doing a grand disservice.

499
00:28:04.279 --> 00:28:07.079
There was a leader in my life who I used

500
00:28:07.079 --> 00:28:11.039
to ask pretty consistently for feedback or areas where he

501
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:13.640
felt I can improve. And I'll tell you he never

502
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:16.319
did give me one as many times as I asked.

503
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:19.640
If you're never going to give anybody feedback and you're

504
00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:22.319
going to give them anything less than a ten out

505
00:28:22.359 --> 00:28:26.640
of ten on their performance review, then you've truly filled

506
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:28.640
them as a manager and as a leader.

507
00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:32.559
Yeah, and we're talking about building trust in the workplace

508
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:35.799
and giving feedback. But then there's also in personal life too,

509
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:39.880
because you've been through some really toxic relationships and also

510
00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:43.119
some good personal life relationships too. So tell us a

511
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:46.119
little bit about how to build trust some of those

512
00:28:46.160 --> 00:28:48.279
good things and bad things you've seen when it comes

513
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:52.480
to trust in your personal life as well.

514
00:28:52.759 --> 00:28:55.920
So I am married again. I was a widow and

515
00:28:56.000 --> 00:29:01.160
I'm married again. One of the hardest things that I

516
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:03.359
ever had to do was learn how to trust again

517
00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:08.160
after that. My husband, Larry and I now have been

518
00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:13.200
married for oh almost six years, and we dated for

519
00:29:13.240 --> 00:29:15.480
two two and a half years before we got married.

520
00:29:16.119 --> 00:29:18.720
He likes to say, then I broke up with him

521
00:29:18.759 --> 00:29:21.400
twenty four times in that two years. I think he's

522
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:25.839
exaggerating because he's personality like a funny guy. I think

523
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:27.960
he's exaggerating a little bit. That I did break up

524
00:29:27.960 --> 00:29:30.440
with and the reason for that was because I was

525
00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:33.720
so scared of being hurt again. Yeah, I was so

526
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:37.680
scared of being hurt again. It was a very long,

527
00:29:37.880 --> 00:29:42.640
arduous process of learning how to trust a man, let's

528
00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:45.759
just say, a romantic partner again. But what I have

529
00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:51.640
found is if we stay knotted up and scared and

530
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:56.319
don't open ourself up and take a risk, yeah, I

531
00:29:56.400 --> 00:29:58.720
might not ever be hurt again, but I'm never going

532
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:02.440
to have that really good stuff that we talked about

533
00:30:02.440 --> 00:30:05.359
at the very beginning, the happiness and the joy and

534
00:30:05.400 --> 00:30:08.039
all of that. So you have to take that risk.

535
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:11.319
You have to take a risk if you're going to

536
00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:14.400
have a great life, if you're going to be happy,

537
00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:16.559
if you're going to have joy in your life. You

538
00:30:16.680 --> 00:30:19.359
can't stay tied up and stuck. You have to be

539
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:21.839
willing to take a risk and be willing to get

540
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:24.960
hurt in the process. I'm not sure if I answered

541
00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:26.720
your question exactly or not.

542
00:30:27.240 --> 00:30:31.759
Yeah, So it sounds like building trust is it's a process, right,

543
00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:35.640
And after you've been hurt, it's harder because you have

544
00:30:35.799 --> 00:30:39.960
those experiences. How about other relationships in life too, because

545
00:30:40.119 --> 00:30:42.400
certainly you've had to build trust with children, now with

546
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:46.240
the grandchild, as well those What are some suggestions that

547
00:30:46.279 --> 00:30:49.400
you would give for new parents their grandparents who are

548
00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:51.839
looking to build trust in those relationships.

549
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:57.640
Oh my gosh. So my philosophy was as a parent

550
00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:03.400
that above everything else, the primary thing I wanted to

551
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:06.680
do was ensure my children both knew that I loved them.

552
00:31:08.359 --> 00:31:11.759
Every decision I made was around love, every decision. A

553
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:14.839
lot of times when people are divorced parents, you'll see

554
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:18.519
the parents make decisions out of selfishness, not what's best

555
00:31:18.519 --> 00:31:21.480
for the child, but what's best for them, and that's

556
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:26.279
human nature to do. But I truly made decisions for

557
00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:28.559
my children based off of what was best for them,

558
00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:32.240
and that goes for everything that went for. Every decision

559
00:31:32.279 --> 00:31:34.559
I made was around what is best for them and

560
00:31:34.599 --> 00:31:37.640
how are they going to feel loved? So building the trust.

561
00:31:38.279 --> 00:31:42.880
It's funny that you asked that because my granddaughter, she's five,

562
00:31:44.559 --> 00:31:47.400
and when she was when we found out she was

563
00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:51.279
on the way, I remember telling my husband I related

564
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:54.000
it to a lady who was like a grandmother to me.

565
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:56.960
She wasn't a grandmother by blood, but she was like

566
00:31:57.000 --> 00:31:59.559
a grandmother to me, and I called her Tadpole. There's

567
00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:04.920
a story around that, but I felt more love and

568
00:32:05.079 --> 00:32:08.680
acceptance from her than just about anybody else in my life.

569
00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:11.279
And the reason for that is because she accepted me

570
00:32:11.319 --> 00:32:13.279
for who I was. She didn't try to change me.

571
00:32:13.880 --> 00:32:16.640
Of course, teaching me because I was a child and

572
00:32:16.680 --> 00:32:20.839
I needed to be taught. But I didn't feel condemned

573
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:25.640
or criticized. I felt truly loved and accepted and appreciated

574
00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:28.720
as a person. And so I told my husband when

575
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.039
my granddaughter was on the way, I said, I want

576
00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:34.119
her to be able to view me the same way

577
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:38.640
I viewed Tadpole. So again, John, that's an intentional choice.

578
00:32:38.759 --> 00:32:42.240
I made the decision to make sure that she knows

579
00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:45.319
that she's loved, that I accept her for who she is,

580
00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:49.960
while correcting her as needed right and creating a safe

581
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:52.559
place for her. It goes back to all of the

582
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:55.319
relationships you have in your life, though, whether it's a

583
00:32:55.440 --> 00:33:00.519
child and grandchild friendships, it's being vulnerable. It's a give

584
00:33:00.559 --> 00:33:04.599
and take relationship, but it's making the decisions to accept

585
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:08.240
them for who they are while correcting and providing feedback

586
00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:10.880
needed to help me. If you saw somebody who is

587
00:33:11.240 --> 00:33:15.799
just completely destroying, wrecking their life and you said nothing,

588
00:33:16.039 --> 00:33:20.240
You're not a good friend. True, So one of this again,

589
00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:23.200
the most sincerest form of love you can show someone

590
00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:25.319
is to say, here's what I see is happening in

591
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:28.160
your life. I love you and I don't want to

592
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:31.559
see you destroy your life. How can I help you?

593
00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:33.480
This is what I see. What do you need from me?

594
00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:38.640
But it's that vulnerability, it's creating a safe place, it's

595
00:33:39.319 --> 00:33:42.519
doing making decisions from a place of love, I would say,

596
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:43.759
And then it's give and take.

597
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:47.400
Yeah, yeah, I know, coaches. One more question, My final

598
00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:50.079
question for you today. We're coming off of an event

599
00:33:50.119 --> 00:33:52.279
called the Global Leadership Summit, which all three of us

600
00:33:52.279 --> 00:33:55.480
were involved with here locally, and faith is such an

601
00:33:55.519 --> 00:33:59.559
important theme behind that and the importance of many of

602
00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:03.160
all are people of faith here. And I think it's

603
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:06.640
so important to include that in your journey too, because

604
00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:08.679
you mentioned it earlier how important it was for you.

605
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:11.280
How does that continue to guide you today in all

606
00:34:11.320 --> 00:34:13.679
of your leadership decisions everything.

607
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:17.960
Like I pray before our podcast, I pray during our podcast,

608
00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:21.840
I pray this morning. I a lot of the because

609
00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:23.480
I don't watch a lot of TV, and that's not

610
00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:27.960
a faith based or is not based off of my faith.

611
00:34:29.039 --> 00:34:31.559
But it does free up a lot of time to read,

612
00:34:32.519 --> 00:34:35.519
to listen to podcasts, faith based podcasts, to do things

613
00:34:35.559 --> 00:34:38.679
like the Global Leadership Summit. But it is the foundation,

614
00:34:39.239 --> 00:34:43.480
and you're absolutely right, there's it's having those conversations with

615
00:34:43.559 --> 00:34:46.440
the people that you care about, because if we do

616
00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:49.199
care about them, we care about where they spend eternity,

617
00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:53.679
praying over them, praying with them. My granddaughter, before she

618
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:55.519
would walk, we say a lot of times she's going

619
00:34:55.559 --> 00:34:57.119
to be a dancer, she's going to be a store

620
00:34:57.920 --> 00:35:00.960
there's no doubt about it, Like she's just amazing. But

621
00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:03.840
before she can even walk, she would have her hand

622
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:06.440
on the coffee table in my living room and she'd

623
00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:10.079
be raising her hand praising Jesus, like listening to worship music.

624
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:13.800
So it's every part of my life. I don't believe

625
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.039
my faith can ever be segmented out of a part

626
00:35:16.039 --> 00:35:17.079
of amy.

627
00:35:17.239 --> 00:35:19.360
Thank you, we really appreciate it. You have one final

628
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.440
question because I'm just curious. It's a broad topic, but

629
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:24.920
I'd like you to zero win because one of the

630
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:28.000
things you talk about is you help leaders build stronger teams,

631
00:35:28.039 --> 00:35:30.840
and obviously that's a big term, but if you're to

632
00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:34.000
zero win, you're working with a young leader and helping

633
00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:39.280
him or her build a better team. Give us one

634
00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:42.760
or two ideas that you would advise that leader to

635
00:35:42.800 --> 00:35:43.960
get off to a great start.

636
00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:50.079
The first thing is, the same skills that made you

637
00:35:50.159 --> 00:35:53.800
successful as a doer are not going to serve you

638
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:56.679
well as a leader. You have to have a completely

639
00:35:56.679 --> 00:36:01.559
different skill set. And so it's continuous learning, continuous improving.

640
00:36:01.880 --> 00:36:05.000
It's things like we've talked about. Communication is a huge

641
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:10.880
one time management delegating, but delegating effectively, meaning that when

642
00:36:10.920 --> 00:36:13.480
you delegate tasks and a lot of times when new

643
00:36:13.559 --> 00:36:16.440
leaders step in, they think they have to keep doing everything.

644
00:36:16.679 --> 00:36:19.400
But one of the best things you can do is

645
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:23.960
to find out what are the skilled and talents of

646
00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:27.559
the people on your team and delegate those things to

647
00:36:27.639 --> 00:36:31.840
those people based off of what their goals are for

648
00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:34.039
their career. So what are they good at, where they

649
00:36:34.119 --> 00:36:37.159
need growth, how can they improve? Now you're not always

650
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:40.119
going to have perfect alignment, but as best as possible,

651
00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:43.320
get to know the people on your team, find out

652
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.639
what their career goals and their career aspirations are, and

653
00:36:46.679 --> 00:36:52.079
then empower them equip them to be able to grow

654
00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:54.840
in their role. So I think the biggest thing is

655
00:36:54.920 --> 00:36:57.440
to understand that you have to continue growing, that you

656
00:36:57.519 --> 00:37:01.079
can't keep depending on the same tools and skills that

657
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:05.559
you had. That it's communication, it's effective delegation, it's learning

658
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:08.679
emotional intelligence, it's all of these things that we say

659
00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:09.679
make a great leader.

660
00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:12.480
Very well said Amy. We love your work. We love

661
00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.079
certainly the stories that you've brought to us today. Some

662
00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:19.159
things in life they're just they're difficult, and I know you've,

663
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:22.159
like your Numa said earlier, you've given strength to those

664
00:37:22.239 --> 00:37:24.320
who might be going through some of those similar things,

665
00:37:24.360 --> 00:37:27.559
maybe things that aren't quite as dramatic as what you

666
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:29.920
went through, but still traumatizing in their own way. So

667
00:37:30.079 --> 00:37:32.440
thank you for coming on and sharing some of your

668
00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:34.880
time and insight here. Finally, is there a way that

669
00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:37.320
anybody could learn more about your work, get in touch

670
00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:39.199
with you. I know you got some great things going

671
00:37:39.239 --> 00:37:40.199
on online.

672
00:37:40.400 --> 00:37:43.800
Yeah, I'm on I'm on LinkedIn and also have a

673
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:47.119
couple of the websites. One is Amy Pokotchick, so it's

674
00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:50.000
just my name is spelt amibokotcheck dot com. The other

675
00:37:50.039 --> 00:37:52.880
one is alpsure dot com. It's a l P S

676
00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:55.920
t R A dot com so we also have a

677
00:37:55.960 --> 00:37:59.519
podcast called The Shift, but that's on our Oltra website.

678
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:01.639
But those are some of the best ways to get

679
00:38:01.679 --> 00:38:03.519
in touch with me. And then my email address is

680
00:38:03.559 --> 00:38:09.199
my first name, Amy, Amy at Alkstra alpstr a dot com.

681
00:38:09.559 --> 00:38:09.920
Very good.

682
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:12.000
Those links down in the show notes. Amy. We can't

683
00:38:12.039 --> 00:38:13.960
thank you enough for your time today and all the

684
00:38:13.960 --> 00:38:16.480
insight you brought here to the Womenless Leadership Lounge.

685
00:38:16.719 --> 00:38:18.119
Thank you, John, appreciate it.

686
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:21.039
Thank you for joining us this week at the Limitless

687
00:38:21.119 --> 00:38:24.119
Leadership Lounge. To listen to this episode again and to

688
00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:28.119
find previous episodes, check us out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

689
00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:30.679
and Spreaker. You can also get in on the conversation

690
00:38:30.920 --> 00:38:33.679
find us on Facebook and Instagram. Then tell three of

691
00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:36.920
your friends to join in as well. Coach Numa and John.

692
00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:39.920
We'll be back again next week for another try generational

693
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:43.360
leadership discussion. We'll talk to you then on the Limitless

694
00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:45.639
Leadership Lounge.