Where is the Balance?

Ryan -The Pixel Classroom: Well everybody, welcome to the Pixel Classroom podcast. This is a very simple, it's just me today, nothing too extravagant. But I think I put up the episode pretty well here thinking about where do you find that balance again? as many of us know, we always talk about different balances and different situations and everything, whether that's coming from, you know, trying to have too much on your plate and trying to figure out what is the best, what is not the best, what to subtract, what to add. Or we've gone through a lot of situations, or it's been a while since a situation happened to you, but now it seems that you're feeling those effects later on in life. And it's of course finding that balance. And I have to say I've gotten definitely a big butt in the last month. I mean, besides school starting, of course, a lot of other things here. We had our car, you know, fall apart. We had to get a new car. and of course, that required getting a set up for a car loan, making sure everything was set up, and of course, as a result, we're gonna have another payment coming up into that. Too. Also, I decided for the first time in 17 years to audition for the Christmas show for my community theater. I have not done a show in 17 years. And of course, despite the fact that I live in the same town where it's done, and it's not too much of an inconvenience just to go do my normal day job, have a little bit off, and then go ahead and visit somebody or just have my lunch or dinner with me and then go do the show. The problem is it is very time consuming, especially when you're a main role and then. thing that's also trickier is about you know your sleep and the time you give up for people. I mean some people at this stage in their lives or careers are like where people feel like you know they're almost on autopilot and everything else. You know, the family's doing their own things. They're old enough. The kids are old enough and you're kind of just doing your own thing. But unfortunately you kind of get a big helping once in a while that you know what? It's not as simple on paper as you thought it was. And it does get very tiring and exhausting. And I mean I think that's also something we also have to live up. But you know, things happen. You know, all of a sudden you got an extra bill here. There's rate changes here. You're tired. Somebody passes away. you know, you go through some other things, you get some good news, but you kinda have this feeling, unfortunately, that things just don't quite go wrong. And it's or right, I should say. But at the same time, it's also thinking about too and everything else is about how one thing can lift you up in one day and how one thing can drop you in another day. Believe or not, you know, I was going over recently as recording of this day Burgess's podcast himself with the running in orange shoes and he was talking about something s a neighbor set of people had said to him that really made him try to ignore it, but then how it brought him down, but then also how somebody else too made him feel right up. And it is that balance. But another thing is where do you find the balance again? truth be told, I'm gonna be 49 coming up here in 2027. And something I've always thought about is at this stage in my life, as I see classmates and friends and former people and acquaintances I know Have seemed to have found that better balance. I mean, not that they have been, you know, not subject to their own issues, such as divorce, job losses, changing, moving areas to there to, you know, family members passing away and also job changes of their own, too. It does always give you that feeling that you're always looking from the outside, wondering why are you not at that stage, or why at this point you're not having something better, or even in another time where things kind of get to the point where you just feel like it's the same. type of story over and over again. I mean, I've shared my story over the last several years about things I've gone through, job losses, change, relationship changes, moving areas, sometimes not by choice, other times by choice that didn't work out the way I thought they were, or times I should have said no, and other times I should have said yes. And I think that's a great thing we all kind of have to look at right now is where do we find that balance again? It's and it's not easy. I mean, at the time of recording this year, I'm trying to take after a very busy last couple weeks and a lot of reality checks and a few other things hitting me. It's just trying to want to sit down for the day and just kind of do not as much as I have to. But at the same time, I've been up since five before I recorded this on a weekend. That's not was not planned. I decided to get some other things done, some other checks done, some budgeting crunching. Also putting together stew, because I want to get a bunch of my collection reviews on my other channel taken care of. That every time I felt like I was about to do didn't quite go that way else. I'm also doing some illnesses in the family right now, just the normal, you know, f fall colds hitting us for that weather transaction and a few other things too. But it's also fine that too is where you just feel like, when am I gonna have just a tiny bit of quiet? I mean, as I said, you can't control what goes on in the world. You can't control what happens outside your own front door, you can only control yourself. But there does come a point, Tom, and even though you're doing your best to control yourself, it feels like factors are just never working out the way you were hoping they were going to. a cousin of mine recently just restarted her channel on a lot of things and things she's been through, and she's been through a lot, and she's only a few years younger than me. And honestly, I think she's dealt with a lot of difficult situations and a lot of things, and she's kind of rediscovering who she is, which I'm very proud of her for doing that. And it sometimes is there's that little hint of me that's a little jealous of some of the things she did accomplish in life, even though life definitely threw her down in situations I don't wish on anybody. And also at the same time she did not deserve. But at the same time is it does feel like that. Sometimes you just kind of wait waking up or you get those small years where it does feel on top. Like I said, I always talk about 1998. I has kind of on top of the world. I was a different thing. I was working a fun part-time job at a movie theater. Mm-hmm. My studies were pretty decently. I had a good girlfriend. And within a few months that seemed to all fall to the wayside. And 2007 came up. I felt was on top of the world. I had very few debt. I was engaged at the time. I had other things going on in my life. And then shortly after that all fell apart. And then of course some things were going great with me in 2010. had a job. I was in graduate school. I was married. I had a kid on the way. I had some other good things. And then that all decided to throw itself out the door for several years. And then as soon as I got my footing back on the ground. It felt like somebody said, Hey, he's getting too many good things for him. He needs to have some issues for again for a while. And that's what I went through for on and off for the next couple of years, though I definitely pushed things over to 2017, which was I shouldn't say 2017, but more of 2016, where of course things just felt like no matter what I did, it just never wanted to go right. And then I found some footing again in when I switched to jobs and positions for five years. But just as I thought it was, I had tenure, I had a good balance. I was an acting chair of a department. I didn't feel myself, I didn't feel whole. I felt like despite all my accomplishments coming out of things, even about COVID and my doctorate, I didn't feel like it was worth it. And then I switched again. And then I had a year where it was just great. And then twenty twenty four showed up and I don't even know what to call that. The year started on a horrible note. It got a little bit better and it just kept going and going and going to remind me. And these last two years have definitely been a lot of me rebuilding. Not been easy, but there have been some good months and there's been some bad months and there's been some other issues. As many people know, my father passed away, hard to believe, almost two years ago in 2025. And I also had to do some setbacks as well as changing once again to school districts and times and jobs and responsibilities as my own family got older and responsibilities changed. Even right now, as I get ready for the coming of the end of the year, I see that going again. Can't really say 2026 has been bad. But I can't say it's been really the structure I was hoping to have too. And it's been finding that balance over and over. And everything times I got it, it's like it just wants to go down again. And there's not much else I can do but try to be a better person and try to find better ways and look for those small things that can help rebalance it. And it's always kind of funny and I like some things. I got one of my newsletter by George Koros and he was talking about a person about, you know, things that make you happier, including talking about making pancakes, which honestly I don't think is a bad idea. Of course, one was talking about getting a tattoo. Nah, I'm not doing that. It's a little out of my price range. And also me and a tattoo kind of went out the door in two thousand five. So I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon. People who do, good for you. But also some other things too. you know, as they always say, we're reminded about the things we can't change that hurt us the most. And there's some things worse was when we trying to find peace with that and we still just can't despite the times of years or change no matter how much success you can or even the people that hurt us are no longer in the picture. And I think that's one of the things is to do is you do eventually find it. You eventually then find a way to get it better or when that stops bottom. You remember it, you can remember the hurt, but at the same time is you also can move on with things. And I think that's one of the biggest things is when do you find that way to move on and sometimes it is simple. As you pay off credit card. Sometimes it is simple that you can just go out for a bike ride and just let nature butt in your face and there's no worries. Sometimes it's when 100% of your class turns in all the assignments and it makes you smile. And sometimes it's simply just a nice little thing with some pretzel bites and a good drink out with friends. And other times it's just watching your favorite game or enjoying your favorite comic. Or sometimes it's just sitting there. Quiet in the night just with your thoughts and sometimes it's just working on your stories. It's not been easy and it's not been thing. I mean, I've been working on a book for several years. I actually threw out the original idea, and as of recording of this, I sent down what I wanted to change after a lot of rewrite. Still then draft seven, but I have not heard anything on it. And trust me, it's definitely discouraged me wondering maybe it's just time to just leave that in the past because maybe it's never gonna happen. And it's okay with it. I still wrote down my story. I mean, something I talked about on a couple of my awards and one people. Twenty-two years ago, I wrote a story called Campus Square, based off the classic teen dramedies of the early 2000s and late 90s, especially inspired by Smallville in Dawson's Creek, called Campus Square, about a person named Peter Jordan, as he had came in as a graduate student, trying to rebuild his life, and he had no idea what was in front of him, both good and bad. And believe it or not, year and a half ago, I went back to those stories and said what was came next. And then believe it or not, a few months later after I wrote forty episodes and four streaming series, I went back and wrote a sequel to it and actually got to an area. And as of the recording of this, sitting down, I came up with a graphic novel prequel to the prequel series, which I originally wrote in two thousand four. It was creative, it was fun, but it was also a way to look at these characters and see who they are. And that found me a little balance even on quietest days or the saddest days I've been coming through is a revisit that. And truth be told, I'd love if I could sell the script. I would love it if some network streaming series would pick it up and let that come to life. But that's also something I can't see happening anytime soon. I love doing my podcast. I keep it going. I always find ways to make it live despite the fact I've done things as I record this episode. I am on Riverside, which I've now prayed for a Higher subscription team, but I'm not streaming on the live stream like I used to. I do recordings and I do review recordings and added them all here because I don't have the equipment or the software anymore or the budget to do my videos like I used to. I have fun, I get a lot of comments, I get a lot of views. But as if you're watching this one on the on the recorded video or listening to the audio version, I have less than 400 subscribers on this. Other people I know who have been doing this just as long or shorter. Have about an 800 to 2000 or they're on the social media. My social media, I don't post like I used to. I usually mostly do on things like Instagram and LinkedIn. But when I look at things and my followers, yes, I've got over a thousand followers. Does not translate to people viewing my pod or video casts or my reviews or even donating to my donors' chooses. But I still enjoy doing it. I still enjoy finding that balance of putting that effort into that. getting a smile f small smile out of my face when I finally finish an edit or I'm able to do a toy review or I'm able to do a comic review or I'm able to read a good teacher book or just talk to amazing guests that I've had on this very one from education to entertainment and more. It's been fun, it's been enjoyable. It lets me find that balance. And as you know too when I do these private ones I tend to get a little bit more quiet about things. I also tend to talk a little bit more monotone, which many people say I should do in general. And there's other times you do see times where people get the success and you just wonder why am I not them? Why have they been given the chance, but not me? And other times you don't care. And other times a good coffee is all you need. And it's interesting. There are good days and bad days. As I Mr. Rogers says, there is no perfect life out there free of pain. It's always the fact that what you do and who you believe yourself to be is what makes us joyful. And Mr. Roger was right. Even all these years later, even after the long passing of Fred Rogers, we can still live by those words. And sometimes that's all we can do. So for everybody who has listened and supported the channel, thank you so much. Sometimes you just need a little quiet time here with your thoughts and just wonder where is that balance? As of right now, that balance exists in this recording. And though balance relates in those who support it and listen to the story. And I hope somewhere you guys are all listening and enjoy what I bring. to the show. I'll catch everybody later. Thank you for listening and have a fantastic day out there.