Episode 83 | From Trash Bags to HOPE with Rob Scheer

0:00 Welcome to the Lead with Hope podcast. I'm your host, Brandy Kelly, and today we're diving into a story of resilience, purpose, and the power of hope. I'm so excited to welcome our guest, Rob Shearer. He is the founder of Comfort Cases. This is a nonprofit dedicated to transforming the lives of children in foster care. Because Rob knows first hand the challenges these kids face. He entered the system at the age of 12 with nothing but a trash bag. He didn't let that define him though. Through determination, compassion, and commitment to giving back, Rob turned his experience into a mission to provide dignity, love, and hope to over 300,000 children across the US, DC, Puerto Rico, and even the UK.

0:49 In this episode, we talked to him about foster care, about small acts of kindness that create a massive impact, and how every one of us has the power or to make a difference in a child's life. So grab a seat, open your heart, and get ready to be inspired because this is the Lead with Hope podcast. Before we jump in, a quick thank you to Craig Williams, founder of Commissary, our legacy partner. If you have ever felt like your story, your message, or your brand needs clarity, Commissary exists to help you with exactly that. They work with people who want their voice to reflect their values and their purpose. You can find their link in today's show notes and on the Spark Hope website.

1:34 Thanks to Commissary for their belief in the power of story to create connection, clarity, and hope. All right, Rob, thank you so much for being on the show today. Just tell me and the audience a little bit about your yourself. I'd like to hear your story. Tell us more about who you are and how you got to this point. Wow. Well, first of all, I want to say thank you. So thank you so much for actually giving me this platform, but thank you for all the guess that you've had to be able to share their stories. See, I'm a true believer that I believe that we all have a story. And when we share that story, we have no idea how it's going to impact someone's life. And for me, my story is like so many other kids within our foster care system. As you and I are gathering today to have this conversation, we have one child every two minutes, 700 a day who are entering foster care in the United States just like me. I was a 12 year old little boy who came into the system in the 70s.

2:32 I'm the youngest of 10 kids. My mother had been married 6 times. We lived in and out of every shelter in Maryland, Virginia, DC, up the Carolina coast. And finally when I was 12, I came into the system. You know, the fact is, is that foster care wasn't a word that I had not heard of before. You know, my brothers and sisters had already started falling to the wayside. And we know what those statistics are. Teenage pregnancy, drug addiction, incarceration, you know, we're seeing actual percentages that are alarming. close to 80% of death row inmates were in foster care. You know, the amount of kids who are human trafficked were in foster care. And here I was, this 12 year old little boy and I'll never forget it.

3:15 Being handed a trash bag and walking into a system of a House of strangers. You know, kids come into our system because of choices other people made. We have the ability as grown adults to make the right choice, and that choice is not to make a kid start out their journey in a shattered system with a trash bag. When kids are smart enough to know from the time they're this big to as big as me to know, the trash bags were invented for trash, not children's clothing. So for me, it was just being there and that's all I was as I was there, you know, year after year just there. And then it happened, you know, the fall of 84. And I turned a senior in high school and I'd already known. No one in my family ever graduated high school. No one had made it that far.

4:08 And here I was a senior in high school, and I turned 18. It was October of 1984, and I walked into my foster home, and they're waiting for me with my trash bag. And I remember looking at my foster parents, and by the way, I called them mom and Dad, I'd lived in for that many years. And they said I had to leave. They said they weren't receiving a check any longer, and I had to go. And I became homeless. You know, to me, that was a shock to the system because I didn't know anybody that was homeless. That wasn't. I mean, I was that kid in school that didn't hang out in the smoking lounge. I didn't skip school. I went to church every Sunday. My grades were good.

4:52 Yes, Sir. No, Sir. And need to be on the streets. You know, I have people all the time say to me, why didn't I tell somebody? And I want to remind every single person that's watching and listening to this podcast when kids like me tell people, let me tell you what happens to kids in foster care. You know, we're put in detention centers. We are put in psychiatric hospitals. People try to make us seem like we're the issue within the community, especially as the gangs grow with us. But truly, everybody must stop and realize you all created me. The community created us, and so if I tell people I was worried about what they would do with me because they'd already forgotten me for all these years anyway. And by the way, I'm going to tell you how we feel in the system.

5:42 We're pissed off at all of you. We're pissed off that you have left us and you have forgotten us and that you treated us as we were invisible, disposable, as if we didn't matter. But for me, I just kept getting up in the morning and in that abandoned bathroom and going into school and stealing as much food as I could in the trash can because I didn't know if I'd eat that night. And then just realizing that, you know, my life was different. See, I will tell you that right now, kids who are in foster care, we're only given three choices. That's it. Choice #1 We give up, give up suicide rate in foster care. Brandy is higher than we've ever seen. Choice #2 We give in. We do exactly what you expect to us as a society. We commit those petty crimes.

6:29 We fill your detention centers, your penitentiaries, or we take choice #3 and that's give it all we got. And that's what I did. I graduated high school when not one person clapped for me when I crossed that stage, but I made it. And then I joined the United States Navy and by by the way, I did not join the Navy to take care of you or any of your listeners. I joined the Navy because I was hungry. I joined the Navy is because I needed a place and I took that place and ran with it. I became a very successful businessman and I never looked back. I realized that what my community truly had taught me was what I should care about is me, me, me.

7:10 I bought my big house in DC that everybody walked by and looked at and said, damn, whoever lives in that house, they were successful. I bought a really expensive car, actually bought 2 of them because when I pulled up at the stoplight, I was so concerned about you looking at me to make sure that you realized how successful I was. And then I filled my bank account so that I could take all your viewers to Disney World. But that's not what was important. See, The thing is, is for me, I wanted to be a dad my entire life. That's what I dreamed up. I didn't dream about being a football player, being on stage or any just be a dad. I wanted a child to look at me and realize that when they were with me, they were safe. When they were with me, they were loved. When they were with me, I was standing with them because I never had that, you know, and I knew that somebody needed me as much as truthfully, I needed them. And so my husband and I decided to adopt and I actually wanted to adopt overseas.

8:05 And my husband was the one who said we were going to adopt you foster care. I said, what are you talking about? I was like, I know about those kids. He was like, what are you talking about? You were one of those kids. Wow, he was right. You know, my husband actually is very smart. He has his masters. I don't even know the difference between there, there and there, but he was right, Brandy. I was one of those kids and I was so worried about what everybody would think about me that I didn't tell people because I was worried that if you found out that I was the kid that was eating trash while I was going through school that you wouldn't want to break Brett with me. And so at that I decided no more. And when my first two children arrived 17 years ago, actually on January 15th, my beautiful daughter Amaya, at the age of 4, arrived with her little brother Makai, who were two. And when they arrived at our home, both of them had trash bags.

8:57 And for me, it was that. I mean, you want to talk about the just the wave of emotions that came over me. I remember saying to the social worker, how could this be? And she said, what are you talking about? I said, how could we be a society that say we care so much about children and we're giving them trash bags? And she says, well, what should we do? And I said, how about a little dignity? But for me, it was about being a dad, and I was a dad to the most beautiful little girl. You know, I'm a father now to four boys and one girl. And I remind people all the time, if you have the opportunity in your lifetime to be a father to a little girl, there is no other feeling, no other feeling. I love my boys but being a father to a girl. And I will also explain to everybody, women rule this world.

9:46 Once men realize that, this world will be so much better. And I will tell you, I've raised my daughter as a Princess because she will be a queen one day. But she was so sad. And I remember looking at Reese and saying, I don't think she's ever going to smile. She actually got out of the tub and put on her little pink robe. And she walked into her new bedroom. And lying on the bed, Reese had laid three night gowns that he had bought. And she walked over to the bed and she picked up one of the night gowns and she tore the tag off of it. And she turned around and she smiled at me. That smile lit that room up and I said, Amaya, why are you smiling? And she said, Mr. Rob, I've never owned a new pair of pyjamas before. That's unacceptable.

10:27 It's not acceptable that children in our system because of a choice someone else made and we can't even give their basic needs of a brand new pair of pyjamas. But for me, it was about being a dad. Month one, month 2, month three goes by phone rings again. Hey, Mr. Scheer, I was like, hey. And they were like, guess what? I was like what? They were like we got two more kids. I was like, what? I was like, we already have two kids and they were like, we have two. They were, we have a little boy who's 2 and his brother who is 6 months. They're being fast tracked for adoption. And I think they would just be a real fit with you and Reese. And I said, I'll see you at 7:00. And I went home and Reese was in the kitchen with the Mayan Makai and I told Reese about, you know, the social worker, Colleen. And Reese was like, Rob, we got to talk about this.

11:10 And I said, that's fine. We have until 7:00, literally at 7:00 the doorbell rang and there were our boys, my beautiful boy Tristan, who was six months, and his brother Grayson, who was two. Both of them again. Trash bags. No baby blanket, no stuffed animal. Let's pause for just a moment because I want to tell you about a partner who truly aligns with the heart of this podcast, Commissary. Here on Lead With Hope, we talk a lot about clarity. Clarity of purpose, clarity of voice, and clarity of direction. And that is exactly where Commissary comes in. They help leaders, educators, and change makers uncover the story behind their work and share it in a way that feels honest, meaningful, and deeply aligned with who they are.

12:01 If you have ever felt the nudge to write a book, refine your message, or build a brand that actually reflects your values, not just your resume, Commissary doesn't rush you or box you in. They walk along inside you, helping you Share your story with intention and integrity. You can learn more by clicking their link in the show notes or visiting them through the Spark Hope website. A big thank you to Craig Williams and Commissary for being a legacy sponsor of this podcast and for investing in stories that matter. Because when we share our stories, when we share them with clarity and with hope, real change happens.

12:41 Brandy I'm actually a banker by trade, was a banker for 28 years in the finance world. And I was sitting in my office. My husband had come in because we used to do these yearly toy drives, giving toys to all those needy kids. And at that particular moment, Reese came into my office and I told him I didn't want to do it this year. And he was like, what are you talking about? And I said, I truly think that we're failing our kids. And he was like, what do you mean? Our kids are like, amazing. We adopted them. They're in school. They're doing good grades. My kids had passports. They traveled the world at their young age and probably have been on more planes than I had been in. And at that time, you know, I was in my 40s. And so I said, Reese, I said, as parents, we have two jobs. One, teach your children their legacy. Our legacy and life should always be taught is what we give and not what we take.

13:32 And that's the problem that we have here within our country is that we tend to so much gear about taking and not giving. Then second, just something as easy as empathy. Empathy. See, The thing is, is that people have to understand empathy is not in our DNA. It's not empathy is a taught process. And how do we teach that at young age? And I was too worried about worrying about what everybody thought of me that I forgot to teach my kids about thinking what everybody else was thinking. So with that, he said, what do you want to do? And I opened up my desk drawer like I'm going to do right now, and I pulled out a trash bag. See, the fact is, is I don't allow this to go far away from me.

14:14 I don't want to ever forget where I came from, and I never want my children to be embarrassed where they came from, said Reese. I'm going to eliminate these in foster care in DC. He said, you're crazy. I was like, dude, that's why you married me. I was like, we're going to do this. And so we gathered members of our church, some local politicians, my senior staff and I shared the story, the story I just shared with you of a 12 year old little boy who was given no hope, a 12 year old little boy who was handed a plastic bag and was taught that that was going to define who he was. But then I told them about the four kids who arrived with such hope in their eyes that I knew that tomorrow could be better for kids in foster care than it was that day. So we grabbed a backpack.

14:58 In that backpack, we made sure that every child got their own brand new pair of pajamas with A tag on it. I want every kid to get their own lotion, their own shampoo, their own conditioner, and their own bar of soap. See, kids walk into a House of strangers and we expect them to assimilate like that. That shouldn't happen. We need to walk with them like people walk with us when we stay at hotels. Guess what we get in that room? A brand new bar soap children in foster care deserve for the same dignity. I want every child to get their own toothbrush and toothpaste. And I remind people all the time my teeth, they are beautiful, but they cost me an arm and a leg because when I was in the system, dental hygiene wasn't something that people concentrated about.

15:40 And then I want every kid to get an activity. We know that close to 90% of the children who enter our foster care system come in the back of a police cruiser. They go to a center. You can call them rainbow rooms or whatever you want to make you feel better. They're nothing more than holding centers. These kids go into these places. Crayons are broken, books are ripped up, toys are broken. I want them to have new of their own. So for kids under the age of 10, we give them coloring book and crayons, and kids over the age of 10 get a brand new journal and a pen and pencil set. Then I want every kid to get a book. See, now I'm an author and I truly have written my books for only two reasons. One, love it in your mind. 2 love it in your heart. But the most flattering thing you could ever do for a book is pass it on.

16:29 Pass it on. See, The thing is, is there's no such thing as a used book. It's only a book that's been loved. And then I want every kid to get a stuffy because I don't care whether you're a newborn or you're 59. We all love a good stuffed animal. And then finally, my son Grayson, he was actually five years old, and we packed our very first case. He's now 18. He said, Daddy, we have to put a blankie in every case. I said a blankie. I said, Grayson, you know, these kids are not cold. He said, I know, daddy. But every time they wrap themselves up in their blankie, they know we love them. Brandy. Isn't that what we all want? We. Want to be loved, We want to know we matter. So with that, we packed a case and another and another.

17:10 And because of amazing people like you have given us platforms like this, we have packed and delivered over 300,000 cases. We have delivered them to all 50 states, CN, Puerto Rico. And I know I don't need to remind your smart viewers, Puerto Rico belongs to us. Yes, it's surrounded by water, but so is Hawaii. You know, the thing that we must remember is that our forefathers, they truly actually built communities for one reason. And it wasn't for our bushes to match. It was for us to take care of each other and to understand that your community is not your zip code. Your community is our human race. Absolutely, Rob. That is such a powerful story. And you know, I often say it's the small things in life that are the big things, but what are we communicating to the people that we come into contact with each and every day?

17:57 And for those kids that trash bag the small things like having a 2 toothbrush, I mean, we we don't think about that whenever we. Never remember going to the dentist as a young boy. Those small things that we take for granted are basic things that our kids in the system don't have. And so your story is so powerful and what you're doing for those 300,000 kids that have received a comfort case, that gives me so much hope because those kids are our future and they have to know that we have hope in their future in pre providing them with something better than what they have right now. That's what we all want.

18:42 We want hope and we want love in our lives. And that's exactly what you are providing for those kids. So thank you for that. And that's exactly why with us, for our mission, it's all about dignity and hope. Because truly, without those two things, where are we? And for someone who's in foster care, you know, something is sometimes all we have. It's all we have. And I want kids who are listening to this or kids to know that they are the author of their book. They're the author and they get to determine when the chapter goes to the next one. They get determine who's in that chapter. They get to determine where that chapter goes. And that's what I want them to know is please, please don't blame the system.

19:31 What you need to do is come with me and help me change the system, because that's how our future will be brighter. Absolutely. And I would say that there's a lot of similarities in the different systems in our world education right now. The leaders that are listening to this show, oftentimes they feel like the education system is broken too, and that they're kind of stuck in some repetitive patterns that aren't serving them or the the adults, the teachers, the the counselors, the principals, and certainly not the students and the education system. But you're exactly right. They have the pen and they get to write that story, but it's the choices we make.

20:14 Exactly. We have to be empowered, we have to encourage and surround ourselves with people that lift us up and make us better as a result of being in that community. There's so much power in community. I agree. I agree. You know, I say that quite often. I also remind people that are, you know, the elders used to say invest in a child, you invest in their future. That is a lie. When you invest in a child, you actually invest in my future, in your future because they are leaders of tomorrow. So come on, this is a no brainer. This is a no brainer when it comes to. And by the way, you know, Nelson Mandela said, it's so clearly each and every one of us are judged in society by the way we treat our children. We almost understand the kids in foster care, they don't belong to you.

21:03 Kids in foster care don't belong to me. Kids in foster care belong to us, to us. And right now, if someone's looking at the way we treat them, it's very shameful and we can do better. So you've talked to us about your story, some powerful takeaways there, Rob. But when you reflect on that, what would you say had the biggest impact on where you're at now you've started this company comfort cases. So what had the biggest impact? Or was there like that aha moment where you just knew, OK, I have to do this? You know, I, I don't really, you know, there's so many things in my journey that, you know, I even write about it in my memoir, Forever Family. You know, I had an amazing teacher in high school who always would bring extra food.

21:47 I think that she truly was the one who got me through not being able to do something stupid when I was in school, when I was in my early 20s, I had somebody in my career who believed in me and gave me that shot where nobody else would. Again, act of kindness. It's the one simple acts of kindness. And when it comes to our our nonprofit comfort cases, I have to, I say it all the time, I have to give all the credit in the world to Noel Kalfi, my assistant to saw what we had done packing those cases and said, you're starting a nonprofit. And I said, what are you talking talking about? I come from the.com world. I'm going to take her. How in the world are you going to think you going to throw methat.org world over a bunch of givers?

22:29 She did the best thing for me because guess what? I don't have a job anymore. I have a purpose, and there's nothing better than to wake up in the morning and know that what you're doing is purposeful. A college professor once told me that if you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life. And it's that's. Why we never talk about the R word, You know, it's funny because my husband has been, you know, he's the kids are all you know. So now just to let you know, in 2019 when I took the leap of faith and decided to get out of my banking plush job and go into the nonprofit public speaking or arena, little would I know, not only would that change my life, but we would meet our fifth child and you know, meeting Alex and Naam in 2019. And you know, we actually met him in 2018. In the fall of 2018, he moved in with us. I met him in September.

23:20 We asked him to live with us in December, COVID heads. And the next thing you know, a year after that, we adopted him and he's now 25 years old. My kids are 25211918 and 17. I'm a proud dad. I'm a proud dad. Awesome. And I'm I'm assuming that none of those kids when they turned 18 saw a trash bag. I will. You can also make the assumption that my keep my oldest is 25, my youngest is 17, and all five of them live at homes. Well, as as a mom, as somebody who has an empty nest. My husband loves it. I do not. I would to have the children come back and live with me. I miss him so much but differences. And I totally understand that, you know, for my husband, you know, my husband, you know, he's been a stay at home dad for over 16 years.

24:10 And so, you know, The funny thing was when our youngest finally got his license and his own vehicle, my husband was like, I'm not an Uber driver any longer. And now I just love when they call me or text me because even when they're home, sometimes I don't see them. There's nothing better than spending time with your grown children. It's just amazing. And then when your children have children, my grandchildren, I have 3 grandchildren about to have my 4th. And the time I spend with those boys is just that is what's giving me hope right now for the future. Those boys, they just light up my life. My kids, my kids joke all the time that they're they're kind of worried about when the grandkids come because, you know, I'm just, but I tell my kids all the time I'm nowhere ready to be a grandfather. But you know, I'm more than happy to have my granddog that my I have.

25:02 My grandkids. It's even better, Rob, than being a parent, trust me. I can't wait, but I'm not ready anytime soon. Maybe like. 6-7 years. I get that. Completely, completely understand. So I told you what's giving me hope right now. Tell me what's giving you hope for the future right now. What a great question. What's giving me hope for the future? You know, I came into our National Center yesterday and sitting at the table were three of our interns. I'm still home from college and they were handwriting. Thank you notes to our donors, which is something that we've we all wait, we've been doing, I've been doing it since I started business. I think it's very, very important to acknowledge people and by doing a handwritten thank you notice to me so, so important.

25:50 And as I looked at these three college students, you know, 1 was a freshman, 2 were one was a sophomore and one was a senior. And they've been with comfort cases for years. And turning that's what I saw as hope because when I see kids helping kids, I know my future is brighter. So that truly gives me hope because through all the dark storms that we're seeing on the horizon, through all the darkness that we see with kids in our foster care system, if we do not look within our day for that spark of hope, how do we really get through that day? Yeah, we all need hope, and that is what fuels that belief that a better tomorrow is possible.

26:31 As I said earlier, I love the work that you're doing. I love the fact that you're providing these comfort cases and the resources for these kids. So, you know, I'm here in Illinois. If somebody's listening to this show, yeah, they get in contact with you and learn more about comfort cases if they wanted to bring it to their area. Yes, we have comfortcases.org. And by the way, as I said, we're in all 50 states, DC, Puerto Rico. And in 2021, we opened up a center in the UK where we serve roughly about 84,000 children in the United Kingdom. This year, hopefully by second quarter, we will start our mapping out. We just got approved for our Canadian license, so we'll be having a center in in Canada. So first of all, if you're a social worker and you work directly with kids who are in our foster care system, go to comfortcases.org, get the very top order a case. They're free for you.

27:24 Our case is retail for $178 with all of the things in them. We do not brand any of our stuff. Children are not walking billboards and we do not allow things to be branded within our our cases. But go on and you can order them. But guess what else you can do is 7 years ago, recent, I realized the trash bag wasn't being eliminated. So we were able to get our amazing friends at Briggs and Riley to actually get us a bag that we call the Comfort XL. It is actually a 32 inch duffel bag that folds up the size of a book, retails for about $129. I get them for $10 a piece. We give them free. They come out to be about this big OK, and so social workers can order better than for free.

28:08 We will ship them out within three days. And the only thing they need to do is go to comfortcases.org. If you're someone within the community who wants to truly impact your community, reach out to us. We do packing parties. We have comfort cases clubs throughout high schools and middle schools throughout our country, including on our college campuses. So there's always a way for you to give. Because the thing I will say, Brandy, as we end this talk, each and every one of us are different colors are different to everything about us is different. But the one thing that we're the same is that each and every one of us, we all have time, time. And it is the most valuable thing that is given to each and every one of us.

28:49 The thing is, is truly how do you use that time? And that to me is so, so important because we're 96% volunteer and organization. So when people see things that we do and they're like, how did you do? I'm like, because I'm a true believer. If you go to your community and you tell them of a problem and you show them how to correct it, they will correct it. And we've seen that through the waves of laws that are now being passed, bills that are going in front of different states. We've passed it in Texas, Maryland, we've passed it in New York and Colorado. We're getting ready to pass it on Friday in Virginia, where there's an actual bill that says you cannot give a child in foster care a trash.

29:37 Bag. Such a simple thing, but such a powerful purpose. And for the listeners, what I would encourage you to do today, no matter who you are or where you serve. What is 1 of kindness that you can pay forward today? Start there and just build from that. Because when kindness ripples out into our community, hope grows. So Rob, thank you so much for being on the 3rd and sharing your purpose and your story. I love what you're doing and I hope we can stay in contact. We will. Thank you, Brandy. Take care, everybody. That's a wrap for today's episode of Lead with Hope.

30:18 Remember, the world needs your leadership and change starts with you. Fuel your life with hope, embrace your purpose, and shine your life for others. If this episode inspired you, I'd be so grateful if you could take a moment to give us a five star rating and share it. Every review helps spread hope and empowers more leaders to rise. Thanks for listening and until next time, leading with hope.