Episode 102 | Surviving a Secret Life with Mandi Pratt

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speaker-0: What would you do if one ordinary day you found an FBI business card sitting on your doorstep? In this episode, my guest shares that story, the story of a life-altering moment that changed everything. And she talks to us about how pain, uncertainty, and unimaginable circumstances led her into a deeper purpose. If you've ever wondered how to keep leading and holding on to hope,

Mid Roll Version A: Here on Lead with Hope, we talk lot about clarity. Clarity of purpose, of voice, ⁓ clarity of direction. ⁓ that's exactly where Conversari comes in. ⁓ help leaders, educators, changemakers ⁓ uncover story behind their work and share in a way that feels honest, ⁓ meaningful, and aligned with who they are. A

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Brandi Kelly: or on the Spark Hope website. Thank you, Convissary, for supporting the Lead with Hope podcast.

speaker-0: When life turns and you never saw it coming, then this conversation is for you. Welcome to the Lead with Hope Podcast, the show where we explore the power of hope and leadership and in life. I'm your host, Brandy Kelly, and each week we have honest conversations that inspire growth, healing, resilience, and purpose, because every face has a story, and every story has a face.

Mid Roll Version A: brand that actually reflects your values, not just your resume, Conversari doesn't rush you or box you in. They walk alongside you, helping you shape your story with intention and integrity. You can learn more by clicking their link in the show notes visiting them through Spark Hope website. ⁓ A thank you to Craig Williams at Conversari for being legacy sponsor of this podcast ⁓ and for in stories that matter. ⁓

speaker-0: Today's conversation is going to be a powerful one, deeply human, and one that I know is going to stay with you. My guest today is Mandy Pratt. She's a speaker and founder of Women Aware and Prepared. Welcome to the show, Mandy.

Mid Roll Version A: Because when we share our stories with clarity and hope, real change happens.

speaker-1: Thank you so much for having me and hello to everybody who's listening.

speaker-0: So Mandy, I want you to take us back to that day. What went through your mind when you got home and you found an FBI business card on your doorstep?

speaker-1: Right. That is a moment etched in my memory forever. was back in 2005, ⁓ I was coming home to the house that my young son and I were living at because we had left an abusive spouse about a year before that. And so I came home by myself and found a ⁓ card tucked into the door jam. ⁓ so I took that off and it coroner's unit. robbery unit and my heart sank because I knew what this was in regards to. And there was a handwritten note that said call me please a telephone number. So I was to call the number because I didn't know what I was going to find on the other line. unfortunately ⁓ my former spouse had had a gambling problem and was really having problems. So I ⁓ Opened the door, went upstairs to the telephone, dialed the phone number to hear a voice on the other line say, ma'am, this is so-and-so from the FBI. I don't know if you're aware of this, but we have been looking for your, I hope he's soon-to-be ex-husband's whereabouts for the past six to nine months because he's wanted for multiple bank robberies. And I remember just being dumbfounded and I probably I don't even know how long I sat there for. It felt like forever to me. Yeah. But he could certainly see that I was clueless. ⁓ he said, ⁓ know, we've been searching for him and he said some other things. All I just heard was like blah, blah, blah. You know, like the Charlie Brown thing. Right. ⁓ then I heard him say. Can I please come speak to you? I don't need your corroboration, but I would like to just talk to you about some things. And so, of course, I said yes, because I want this information. Right. I need to know what's going on. And so I remember the next day opening up the front door, and there he was with his briefcase, you know, and he came and came inside, sat down, sat down at the kitchen table, and then kind of fanned out all of those surveillance photos. And then he went on to tell me. You know, all the dates and the times and locations of each of the robberies. And I was just like, again, dumbfounded, but I was trying to write everything down because I was trying to, in retrospect, I could see this, that I was trying to somehow help it make sense. so, you know, I'm thinking ⁓ this is gonna somehow connect in my brain. and so yeah, he he came over and he explained a little bit more and then know I could clearly see that was him in the bank photos. ⁓ again, they they said they didn't really need my cooperation. I think honestly in retrospect, he was just being kind and giving me a clue ⁓ the severity of what we were dealing with. So that to me was just like wow. And it I already knew like ⁓ what we were going through was so incredible. Incredibly difficult. I ended up with complex PTSD. And so I had left, like I said, and I was trying to get, you know, healing and stuff. And then here's another thing that just drops in my lap. And so I had to learn to take that plot twist, ⁓ And then how handle that and become, you know, resilient as best I could after that, which I'm glad to say I did. And You know, my son back then was like four and he's now twenty-four and doing amazingly well. So super happy about that part.

speaker-0: Yeah, that is an amazing story. You know, I am one of those people that I watch criminal minds, I watch I, CSI, all of all of the true crime kind of shows that you never expect that to land in your home. And that's with you, that landed in your home. And so as you are trying to put the pieces together in your mind, trying to make this make sense somehow. How did you find purpose in this and and find hope throughout all of this uncertainty?

speaker-1: Right. first I'll talk about finding purpose. ⁓ that to me was a huge wake up call. and that moment I feel like a light switch went on like, okay, so now we've been just trying to, ⁓ you ⁓ get mentally and dealing with different things like that. And but now we're in the whole criminal element here. And so ⁓ I knew that ⁓ At that moment, things would have to change. So I would have to take different actions, right? And again, I also realized absolutely cannot control this. It would be really nice to be able to do that. Yeah. But that is just out of my control. Right. And so I started to realize the different things that I could do the best that that I could for myself and my son. You know, he was pretty little back then. So ⁓ trying to navigate all of that ⁓ ⁓ Just taking baby steps, little micro steps that I could take each time, you know, and it was difficult because I would take like three steps forward and then there would be more trauma and I'd take two steps backwards. ⁓ I knew to kept, you know, keep moving. ⁓ I would love to say, like I had a wonderful team of all these resources and all of this stuff, but it was way back then, right? It was like 20 years ago. So we didn't have a lot of the resources that we have today. So I had to just navigate through it ⁓ on my own for the most part. And a counselor and then like just a handful of who had been through something kind of similar. So so that really helped me. But getting ⁓ back the purpose question you had ⁓ was after through that. And all these years later, I realized, my gosh, if I can somehow help other people have to get to that point, you know. ⁓ I talk a lot about prevention on a very deep level. And then I also talk about the other side, which is healing, ⁓ for me, ⁓ it it helpful to get talk therapy, but I also needed some other further steps. ⁓ And ⁓ I love talking about those two sides of the of the coin, you know. now I really see that as my purpose and see that as, you know, I have that life experience, right? Real world advice that had to learn the hard way. ⁓ So I a lot of times a lot of us go through really difficult things, right? And ⁓ a lot times People feel alone through that because we don't talk about these things. And so I'm definitely not shy in talking about that. I mean, the story, as you just heard, is so wild. But what can we pull out of that that's actually practical and usable? So I'm not just out there for the entertainment factor, but also, you know, to actually help people prevent and then also heal.

speaker-0: Yeah, we want to use the message that is our life, pain purpose. And I believe that we can, and we both do that through speaking. I also do that through coaching. when you think about that though, you know, ⁓ going out and and you speak, I think, to broad array of audiences.

speaker-1: Mm-hmm.

speaker-0: And you go out and you speak to them, I'm curious, what's that message you most hope they walk away with?

speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Well, I speak to HR groups. ⁓ I talk about invisible disabilities. a lot of people, even at work, right, are dealing with things that people have no idea about. I remember back before that, actually working at corporate job and then ⁓ actually having attacks because I was going through this trauma at home. Well, nobody knew that, right? so that's one thing that to talk about. And then ⁓ ⁓ the other is going out to schools and colleges to speak both to the students and also to the educators, faculty, and staff to help them as well. ⁓ it's so fun. I actually with educators, like I just went out late last year was speaking to a group of school counselors ⁓ and I had much fun with them because I felt like they were like my people and just talking to them about know, ways for us to trust our intuition better so we can lead ourselves and also others better. ⁓ then also gave some tips in there about how to transfer some of that information to help the students even trust their intuition better. ⁓ like I was mentioning, I talk about both prevention and healing, but on the prevention side, I never ever have heard somebody talk about You know, we hear red flags about unhealthy relationships. We hear all those things, but I've never heard anybody talk about intuition. And we've heard that phrase time and time again. Trust your gut, right? Trust your intuition. That's nice, but like how do you actually do that? Right. And so I talk a lot about that. And that's what I was presenting to the school counselor group. ⁓ so I love giving. That, you know, that's one of the workshops that I offer, but it's information that helps us live safer, not just physically, but also emotionally. I said, to help ourselves be able to lead better ⁓ and lead others better. Because as you well know, you know, in your leadership roles that you've had, it's so hard to lead others well when you dealing with, you know, these invisible things that people can't see.

speaker-0: Absolutely. And you know, I think back, you you were talking about that intuition piece. And I think back to when I was a school social worker and a school counselor, we called it our ⁓ feeling. would get that uh-oh feeling sometimes, and we need to listen to that because it matters, we also have to, ⁓ I think, care of ourselves. And when we are thinking about taking care of ourselves. We have to listen to our gut, we have to be self-aware, and we have to put healthy boundaries in place. And talked earlier about your four-year-old son. When all of this took place, your son was four. As a parent, we have to put healthy boundaries in place for our children. And so I'm just curious when you think about. everything that you learned through this experience, how did that help you not only as a leader in your business and in the work world, but being a leader at home, being his mom, how did it help you to lead better in the home?

speaker-1: Yeah, that's such such a good question. helped ⁓ be able to, you it was that realizing, ⁓ you if I'm not taking care of myself, how in the world am I gonna take care of this little toddler who needs me and now I'm the only parent, right? Like, ⁓ how that gonna work? And so remember my counselor sitting with me and helping me make like a self-care menu list. I talk a lot about that when I go out and speak because it's it's times what I was talking about, they're so difficult that we don't even have the wherewithal to remember what me take care of myself. Right. And so I literally ⁓ had menu on my phone of things I could choose each day. So each evening I would check in, you know, after I put my son to bed. And then I finally had like a little bit of time for myself looking at that list. Okay, have I done anything for myself today? If not, okay, what are what's something on here that feels easy that I could do right now would help myself? And so that was really key. because lot of times too, we are really talking about self-compassion to the core and ⁓ how it's medicine. It's like medicine, right? Right. And so it's really important to not leave that out. But the tricky thing is for those of us who have been through something like that, we get stuck in that hyper vigilance and like hyper independence because that was our survival mode and that's what worked for us. Right. And so ⁓ you know, 20 years later, I'm remarried. My son is grown. He's, you know, working doing his own thing I catch myself sometime thinking all you're actually now ⁓ you know sometimes our doesn't doesn't feel that so I just actually I have my own podcast and made an episode about that ⁓ because a lot times we'll give ourselves affirmations like ⁓ I am safe and so put our hands on our hearts tell ourselves we're safe but my body's going I don't remember being safe. So to me, then that makes hard work for my brain. Cause my brain has to go, wait, what? How are we safe? So for me, whenever I do an affirmation, put a little bit of curiosity into it. ⁓ instead of I'm safe, it's I'm feeling safer and safer each day. And instead of my brain going, fight, you know, fight, fight, fight. That's not right. Instead, my brain goes, hmm. Let's see what the things I can find that show me that I'm safer, right? ⁓ so it builds into that and it actually works ⁓ better, I've noticed, ⁓ just telling myself, Well, you're safe, so just be fine.

speaker-0: Right. It's and you were talking about micro steps, you know, micro actions you can take. And I done a solo podcast ⁓ talking about the consistency and microactions and how that compounds over time, because you're right, brain is not wired for truth. It's wired for survival. And you don't have to go through an FBI agent coming to your doorstep to deal with. Trauma. You know, when I was 15, my brother Brandon drowned. That was a traumatic event. COVID. COVID was a trauma that we all face. ⁓ need to be self-aware enough to identify those areas in our life where we can name it. That was something hard that I went through. Right. But now I'm getting safer and our words matter.

speaker-1: ⁓ yes, a hundred percent. ⁓ yeah.

speaker-0: our brain tries to find evidence. Okay, how am I safer? How am I safer? ⁓ And if what you're focused on, that you're safer, that you're growing, that you're getting better and you're becoming the best version of yourself, your brain is going to support that action. But the opposite is also true. If you say, I'm not safe, I'm in danger, I'm failing, whatever that narrative is. ⁓ Your brain is also going to try to find evidence that that is true. And so we need to be really self-aware and really conscious of what we're telling ourselves and what we're saying out loud as well. Because narrative can become reality.

speaker-1: my gosh. Yeah. I used to catch my son on that, you know, and I would just kind of have him you know, when he's thinking that and thinking, you know, I do this, or I whatever it is, you know, he would get frustrated and ⁓ helping him that I would always say you think is what's gonna be. Yeah. So, you know. and just assisting ourselves like you were talking about, the little baby step. So I don't expect myself to go from A to point B and like, ⁓ know, right away. like we're talking about feeling safer, safer, right? ⁓ it's it's something that we have to not just our brain but our body understand. And so like I was mentioning too ⁓ way back then when I was getting the talk ⁓ therapy I also needed to actually move my body talk things out and process things out. And so that's part of the framework that I teach about listening to our intuition. it's really important to process things through, but to take that time. so the first couple steps of that are just taking the pause to do that because how often, like All of us who are listening right now, think about the times that you actually listen to your intuition. those you're talking about, those ⁓ moments start to really catch in the brain and you start becoming aware of that, right? Is it when we're busy doing things a mile a minute? ⁓ ⁓ it when we're actually slowing down enough to get that shower we need before we head off for the day, right? How times like I've gotten such like the best ideas in the shower or like right when I wake up before my mind starts spinning, right? that is the first thing. And then also taking that time to listen inward. ⁓ ⁓ many times? I don't know about you, Brandy, but for me, ⁓ just think about how many times do I ever wish ⁓ I did not listen to my intuition? That be about zero. Yeah. Right. ⁓

speaker-0: That's a great point, Mandy.

speaker-1: Yeah. so it's key to listen to ourselves and remind ourselves, hey, my intuition in the past was You know, and it could be something silly like ⁓ setting my water right next to my mouse on my on my desk. And I'm thinking to myself, it's probably not a good idea. I'm probably gonna spill the water. And what happens? I spill the water, right? Yeah. So can even be just simple little Things like that you know, we start to trust our intuition. Okay, I'm thinking I probably will spill that. Let's just scoot that over a little bit. You know, ⁓ stupid little things like that. then, ⁓ you we start to trust that and listen to that more. because ⁓ it's really ⁓ to do so yeah, I love talk I could talk about that for forever. But yeah. ⁓

speaker-0: It makes me think of a a quote that I just recently came across and I'm wondering if you will react to this quote. So let me find it. Okay, so John Gordon says, ⁓ and I hope I say it right, don't listen to yourself, talk to yourself. How would you respond to that quote?

speaker-1: love that and that's actually the third step of the five in my framework and that is well it's kind of the second and the third listening inward remembering ⁓ I was just saying that in the past I was right that intuition was right you know and also processing that so everybody's different I don't know do you prefer to journal or to talk things out?

speaker-0: probably if I had to choose one over the other, it would be to talk things out. I'm a I'm a big quote processor. Yeah.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, me too. And so I'm sure like you would probably love this too, but how many times have we like sat down and talked with a friend? They don't need to say anything, right? It's just we need to get that out and like hear ourselves and we'll answer our own question, right? Yeah. So

speaker-0: Absolutely. But I will say taking it that next step and then writing that down afterwards because how often, and I didn't do this for a long time, Mandy, but recently I have gone back and I've read my journals. And when you look at that, when you look at some of the goals that you've made, even two or three years ago, or some of the pain points that you were experiencing, right? See how far you have come.

speaker-1: ⁓ my gosh, a hundred percent.

speaker-0: Or maybe just the opposite, you see that ⁓ I'm stuck in a pattern.

speaker-1: True. It helps you see the patterns.

speaker-0: It does. It helps you see patterns. And so just writing that down and then going back and reading what you've written to see your progress. Cause I think it's really important. One, we look for those patterns. So we don't stay stuck. we celebrate our successes. Big and ⁓

speaker-1: my gosh. Yeah. That's not natural for me to celebrate my successes. I'm just like, ⁓ okay, on the next thing.

speaker-0: So in our work now, ⁓ yours and mine, we help people to identify practical strategies so that they can overcome and they can turn that into purpose. So for those are listening today and they may be walking through pain or uncertainty. or a moment where they just don't see any hope. Mm-hmm. What does it look like to keep leading and living with hope in your mind?

speaker-1: I remember back when, ⁓ I literally thought there was no hope, I this person. I'm trying to get better, right? And the FBI shows up on my doorstep. What the heck? Right. And so I was doing everything I could. And I literally thought, Am I ever ⁓ going get to live a life of peace and safety? That's all I want. I just want a boring life. Right. You know, ⁓ and remember. ⁓ Also asking my therapist too, like how long until I feel better? And of course she was like, ⁓ there's so many variables, right? so yeah, just And now I see the other side of that, at that point we don't have a crystal ball to see into the future, right? But just think remembering in the past, are there pastimes that were really difficult that you got through, right? Because you're here now. Yeah. ⁓ remembering that and having that hope that if I just wake up and I put one foot in front of the other, and I do that every day. You know, yes, I'm gonna take three steps forward and two steps backwards sometimes, but I still that means I still took one step forward, right? So ⁓ just taking those baby steps and then having the hope, remembering from the past, you know, I have gotten through really difficult things before and am here now. So yeah.

speaker-0: And our are not, you know, that ⁓ excellence or call it excellence. Some people might say success. It's not linear. ⁓

speaker-1: Mm. gosh, a hundred percent. Yeah.

speaker-0: We're all over the place. And can turn that pain into purpose, no matter where we've But I do agree with you, Mandy. I think it just takes intentional, consistent actions. Sometimes we think we have to solve the world's problems, ⁓ you know, great big life overhaul. But if we can do something consistently.

speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Right.

speaker-0: in in a year from now, we're gonna make major improvements in our life. on one intentional action to consistently implement day over day, that's that's so powerful.

speaker-1: 100%. And two, like asking for help is so key, especially if you have a personality like us. and or you've had to live in hypervigilance for so long, and that's what your brain knows as survival, you that makes it really difficult ⁓ for But I think if we're talking more about these things, which I love that you do that, ⁓ and then you know, we're realizing hey, other people are really dealing with some heavy stuff, too. ⁓ And then three, you know, getting those that support, whatever that looks like. maybe you can't get support at work right now, but you can get support at home, you know. ⁓ I'll even do, you know, things that seem like so ⁓ a big deal, but they are to me. So like at home, I really cook. And so I buy things that are, you know, already prepared or ⁓ they're easy prepare. ⁓ I have my house cleaned, even though we downsize, we live in a tiny little place and it seems so dumb. Yeah. But to take that off my mental load, you know, is wonderful, those things. So it's taking whatever we can from whatever part and then kind of offloading that. so it's something ⁓ that does not take up space.

speaker-0: And we can only be the best version of ourselves each and every you know.

speaker-1: And we're not gonna be perfect. And you know, some days I still have a hard time. Yeah. ⁓ I go back to those what is on my menu that helps me. Like I know I need to get out in nature because that really, really helps me. so know, things, things like that.

speaker-0: I love that self care menu. That's powerful.

speaker-1: Mm-hmm.

speaker-0: So as we're wrapping up this show, all of this happened to you twenty years ago, Mandy. So what's that look like now? Because your ex-husband Is he at all in your life now?

speaker-1: he is not in my life, but he is in my son's life. they have always talked from the beginning. They always kept a connection there, but at a distance. So ⁓ my son didn't really visit him ⁓ that much in but you know, would do a weekly phone call or letters or emails or whatever. you know, and he he I made the best I did a good job. I just want to pat myself on the back. I did a good job with not bad mouthing him, even though I had plenty to do that with, right? But I knew that my son could see the writing on the wall, like you know, his dad is in prison. Hello, like you know, and so know, they they have a relationship, but ⁓ different than, you know, of course, most Dads and sons. ⁓ my son has a stepdad that's been in his life for l you know, quite a while. So, you know, they have a relationship too. Yeah.

speaker-0: Is your ex husband still in jail?

speaker-1: ⁓ he just got out about a year ago and lives in a different state.

speaker-0: Right. Yeah. what a story. I don't know. Maybe they'll make a movie about it one day.

speaker-1: Yeah, I actually was ⁓ interviewed by some celebrities for a show. ⁓ but ⁓ they did not give the green light on the show for now. So ⁓ but yeah, I think it's something that we need to talk about, you know, ⁓ because yeah, a lot of people go through different traumas. but that's one that seems to be pretty you know, ⁓ lot of people deal with it, not the FBI part. ⁓

speaker-0: The other person. Hopefully not. Hopefully not. But you've got a powerful story. And I think that the message for prevention, for healing, it's important. So ⁓ as wrap up this show today, Mandy, I'm just curious. Right now, as you sit and we are talking about hope, what's giving you hope right now?

speaker-1: giving me hope is just knowing that things have gotten better, ⁓ know, and they keep getting better. And like said, seeing ⁓ if look at point A, way back to the day the FBI showed up at my doorstep, ⁓ to B now, ⁓ that ⁓ a of a difference. Right. My environment, which I did have some choices in, ⁓ as as my inner you know, dialogue that I have with myself and my well-being. so those two things are completely different, ⁓ I am super thankful for ⁓ and feel gratitude for and don't take for granted.

speaker-0: the message that I'm getting from our conversation today is none of us get to choose the hand we get dealt in life. We don't get that choice, we do get to choose how we respond to it. You've chosen to take those small, consistent actions to make a better life for you and for your son and for your family. And now on a broader scale.

speaker-1: Yeah, yes.

speaker-0: to people where you go out and you speak and you share this to turn this pain into purpose. So if somebody is listening today and they want to hear more of your story, or maybe they want to bring you to their school or their organization, how would they get in touch with you, Mandy?

speaker-1: ⁓ the best way is through my website. So the easiest way to remember that is just my name, Mandy Prad, M-A-N-D-I-P-R-A-T-T.com. And they can contact me through there. I do ⁓ school assemblies and then also like educator workshops. I absolutely talking to the students, you know, ⁓ and love watching them like when I tell my story and they just go, what? ⁓ And the questions that they ask me, they're they they always ask me, Miss Mandy, how are you okay after that? I never would have guessed that. Yeah. And I love answering that question. And I also love how specific they are and the questions that they ask me. I absolutely love it. So yeah, I would speak to students all day long. And then of course, love helping ⁓ those who are serving the students, right? Because, like we were talking about, you know. getting ourselves out of hypervigilance and helping ourselves have a self-care menu. And I'm not just talking about bubble baths and stuff like that. I mean like serious, you know, and I've done a lot of study on ⁓ neuroplasticity and the nervous system. ⁓ know, have so much to say about that as well. But yeah, so the best way is through my website. And if they want to, they can even go on there and take my little intuition quiz that will kind of help you spot where you're at with your own intuition and that leads into that framework I was talking about. So they can have that for free. Yeah.

speaker-0: And I love talking students also. The students are amazing because, like you said, they have the best questions. And there's some of them have no filter. So it's whatever came out. Yeah. ⁓ But you're The educators right now, they're dealing with so much. They are so much. Post COVID, it just took things from zero to a hundred, and there's so much. And

speaker-1: Right.

speaker-0: So I think they need this now more than ever. ⁓ a lot of them are in a hypervigilant state. They're bringing that baggage to work. Maybe, you know, maybe not the FBI coming to their doorstep, but maybe a difficult marriage ⁓ a disability in their home that they're dealing with, with a child or or an alien parent. You never know the baggage people are carrying. So

speaker-1: So true.

speaker-0: As we end today, I just want to leave you with this message. You can always choose to be kind you can always remember that the world needs your leadership and change starts with you. So fuel your life with hope, embrace your purpose, and shine your light for others. Until next time, keep leading with hope.