3 Truths about Second-Guessing

0:04 Welcome to Clear is the new Confident. I'm Casey Watts, speaker, author and the host of this show. If we haven't met yet, there was one important thing you need to do, and that is I am completely obsessed with clarity. I've seen too many brilliant women stay silent or feel stuck because they didn't have the tools and strategy to be courageous. If you are ready to stop second guessing yourself, say the things that need to be said, and stand firm in your integrity, you are in the right place. I am on a mission to spread the message that clarity precedes capacity, helping you lead those around you with great courage and confidence. Now, with all of that said, let's dive into today's episode and gain some clarity.

1:07 Oh my goodness. Hello and welcome to the first episode of Clear is the New Confident. Now, if you have been with me for any length of time, this is not my first podcast episode. This is like episode #176 or 177, but I have made a shift from the Catching up with Casey show to clear is the new confident. And so if you have been with me, you maybe noticed a change in the introduction and what I say that this show is all about. So if you're curious about why the shift, why the change, go back and listen to the very last episode.

1:54 It is literally titled Why I'm changing the podcast. It's not a huge shift, but it's one that I am so pumped about. I'm almost obsessive like it. It is just such a wonderful passion to pour into. And the podcast is one way that I'm doing that. So I want to be sure that, you know, as I'm recording these podcast episodes, I am actually building the next book. So if you listen to these podcast episodes, you're going to know exactly what the next book is all about, what all is going to be included in the next book because I'm literally building it with you.

2:43 So you're going to get to hear all about what it looks like and sounds like and feels like to actually write the book. I'll be telling you a little bit about my process along the way just here and there and some different episodes. And then it will be part of my part of the journey of getting this book to public publication and then launching it. So it'll be really exciting today. We are I I found that as I was thinking about, man, what could the first podcast episode be about for this new show clears the new confident. And you may have noticed in the introduction, I mentioned that this podcast is for those who are ready to stop second guessing themselves, say the things that need to be said and stand firm in their integrity.

3:34 So I thought, what better way to start this podcast, this new podcast adventure than to focus on that first piece, which is second guessing. Now when I write the book clears the new confident, the subtitle that I'm toying around with is Stop second Guessing yourself, Say the things that need to be said and stand firm in your integrity. So yes, it's super appropriate for us today to talk about that second guessing that happens, which is really essentially self doubt. And today we're going to going to dive into 3 truths about second guessing. OK, I need you to know I'm no stranger to second guessing and a lot of the time I second guess like just these menial decisions. What should should I wear this today or should I wear this or after the fact when I arrived somewhere? Oh, should I have worn something different? Am I out of place?

4:33 Did I dress up enough or should I go this route to my destination? Or should I take another route? Or do I go out to the winery with friends tonight? Or do I stay home and essentially become a hermit, which is very much a possibility. Sometimes, especially as I enter into my mid 40s, these menial decisions have little to no impact on my life, right? This, this kind of second guessing is really just a contemplation of decisions. That's all it is. But the type of second guessing that is detrimental to me and to you is when we second guess ourselves.

5:18 And I want to share with you the moment that second guessing has shown up in my life. And maybe you, you have similar experiences. I second guessed if I was experienced or qualified for an instructional specialist role. I second guessed if I had the talent and charisma to lead a workshop. I second guessed my ability to write a book, to speak on stage, to host this podcast. I second guessed whether I was worthy of being a mentor to someone, or worthy of being a leader, or worthy even of being a friend. And Yep, worthy of being a mom.

6:01 I have second guessed all of those things. This is caused by self doubt and I'm wondering if you have been there too. Have you second guessed yourself? Have you questioned yourself? Have you doubted yourself? And it may have sounded like the things that I just shared with you that I have second guessed, but it also could sound a little bit like this. Do I apply for this job? Do I have the ability to do this job? Am I ready for this position? Or you might say no, I'm not equipped. I don't feel like I've been doing this long enough, or I don't feel like I know enough or have enough knowledge to offer.

6:43 Or you might notice the question popping up in your mind. What if it doesn't work and that it could be anything? What if this doesn't work or I don't know if I even have the right or the authority to speak up and say something? If I say something, am I going to be put on the bad list? Am I going to be seen as difficult? Am I going to say something that comes across as wrong? I don't know if I have what it takes. The list could go on and I am super curious to hear when you notice second guessing thoughts popping into your mind, what do they sound like? You've got to let me know.

7:24 You can put it in the show, in the comments of this show, or you can e-mail me casey@clarity-driven.com and let me know what are the phrases that come up for you. These phrases that you just heard are from women that I have interviewed specifically for this book or simply have heard in passerby conversations with women. And that leads me to three important truths about second guessing and self doubt. OK, so let's dive into those 3 truths. The very first truth is that it is completely natural and it happens to everyone.

8:11 Second guessing and self doubt are a natural response. It happens when your brain is picking up on on any uncertainty and it's flagging that uncertainty as a potential threat. And then your brain is trying to reduce that threat by figuring out like what is actually right. And that right thing is like your brain trying to take your current experiences or your prior experiences and fitting this new unknown puzzle piece in. And sometimes that's when you start to notice yourself asking questions or making sometimes very inaccurate claims about yourself like the ones that I listed earlier.

9:00 So that's the first truth. It's natural. It's your brain's way of protecting you. And yes, it happens to everyone and unfortunately, it's not going to go away. It's not going to go away. You will forever experience self doubt or second guessing in one way or another. What a bummer, right? Did I just bum you out? Because I kind of bummed myself out? So let's move on to the second truth and I promise it gets better from here, but I do want to move on to the second truth. So first truth, it's natural, it happens, it's going to happen. Second truth.

9:42 And then the less obvious truth is that second guessing and self doubt can cost you greatly, right? And we are typically aware of when second guessing happens, but we don't always think, what's the hidden cost behind this? And it is always more than just the time you're spending second guessing. It impacts your cognitive performance. It can impact our energy level. It can impact your confidence. It impacts our potential for opportunities. It even impacts our relationships. I want to tell you just just a snippet about each of those costs, OK? It creates cognitive overload and the research suggests that that cognitive overload can reduce your performance by up to 40 to 50%.

10:39 Cognitive overload is a cost. Your second guessing zaps your energy because really what's happening there is we're experiencing decision fatigue and it completely depletes your energy. It erodes your confidence just little by little. And you may not even notice it in the moment, but little by little it's it's eroding your conference, your confidence. Not conference. I've got conference. I'm on the mind because I'm going to a conference Monday morning and I've got to prepare for it. OK, sorry, that was a sidetrack. It erodes your conference. Oh my goodness, do you hear this? Conference is on the mind.

11:24 It erodes your confidence, your brain. When you are second guessing, it enters into this negative feedback loop loop. And so you you are in that loop again and again. And every time you second guess, it makes it more likely to second guess yourself in future situations. Another way it costs you is that you become so internally focused on this second guessing and these these negative thoughts that are running through your brain that you miss all of this external information that could be useful or helpful. And then finally, this second guessing impacts your relationships because it impacts how people perceive you as a leader.

12:18 It also impacts how you show up for other people as a Co worker, as a mentor, as a friend, as a family member. So the second truth is it's costing you greatly. Now in the book, I'm going to hash out each of those much further and I'll probably have future episodes about each of those costs. So be on the lookout for that, but I want to move to the third and final truth because I don't want this to become a Debbie Downer episode. First. First truth. It's natural, it's going to happen.

12:59 Second truth, it creates or it comes at us with a great cost. And then the third and final truth is that you do actually have the ability to retrain your brain and respond differently when you notice yourself second guessing or experiencing that self doubt. This is the beauty of today's episode is that I want to share with you what you are going to train your brain to do instead. As soon as you recognize that self, get self doubt and second guessing showing up. OK. This is something that we were never explicitly taught and because we were never explicitly taught this, we never have intentionally practiced it.

13:47 We often are told like if you, if you notice yourself second guessing and you're, you're venting or, or trying to have dialogue with a colleague or a friend in order to help you make a decision. What we are often told is, oh, don't second guess yourself or don't doubt yourself. Or we might get words of affirmation from those people that we are confiding in, and that's nice. But the problem with those affirmations is that while other people might believe it, we have a hard time believing it ourselves because we are in that negative feedback loop.

14:27 I I told you in the beginning of this episode, I'm no stranger to second guessing and self doubt. I experienced it yesterday. I experience it every Almost every time I hop on to do a solo episode like this, a little hint of self doubt shows up. But I don't I, I don't fall victim to it nearly as much as I used to because I've honed the ability to get ahead of it when I noticed self doubt creeping in. I am extremely intentional and continuous with a practice that I've did that has allowed me to develop a new pattern that my brain now follows when that self doubt inevitably shows up.

15:18 And I want to tell you how it goes. OK, there are three things you are going to do as soon, like you're going to have to pay attention as soon as it shows up, you are going to 1st recognize it, then you are going to monitor, then you are going to respond to it, recognize, monitor, respond. What does that look like when you recognize it? You are going to name what you're noticing immediately. So literally say to yourself, you are second guessing, You are experiencing self doubt. I am questioning myself right now.

15:58 That's what's happening. And here's what it's sounding like. Like I might say to myself, oh, Casey, you are, you're doubting yourself what you just said, whatever it might be. Like, am I qualified to host a podcast? Like what if I show up and I fumble over the word conference versus confidence? And it's important for us to name that, because if we don't name it, it's likely to show up again and again and again in the same ways. Our brain is just repeating the phrases that it has heard time and time again, so we want to recognize it. What is it that I'm doing and what does that sound like? Then we're going to monitor, we're monitoring a couple of different things.

16:53 So we're we're going to approach that self doubt and second guessing with curiosity. So we're going to start to ask ourselves like, OK, why? Why am I saying this to myself? From where is this really stemming? Where is this really coming from? If I try to dig a little bit deeper, and then I also need to get curious about what it is I'm lacking. Now this is where clarity comes in. And you guys, we're going to be talking all about 3 these three pillars of clarity across the entirety of this show. But we really want to understand whether we lack goal clarity, social clarity, or emotional clarity.

17:40 So if I lack goal clarity, then it means that I am not, I don't have a firm sense of my core values and vision for myself. If I lack social clarity, it means I don't, I don't have a firm understanding about how others interact with me and how they interact with the world around them. And then if I lack emotional clarity, I lack understanding about how I myself process emotions and interact with others in the world around me. Right. So you, you want to get curious, like where, what is it I'm lacking clarity around? If I'm, if I'm coming to this podcast episode and I immediately think, what if I fumble over my words, then I lack clarity probably about it could be goal clarity, like I lack clarity around my core values. If I have clarity around my core values and I can say, OK, one of your core values is to show up authentically. You know that people, humans fumble over their words. Show up authentically and be human, right? So that kind of leads me to how we respond because that is actually a response.

18:56 So I want to combat that. I want to combat those second guessing and self doubt. Those limiting beliefs is what they are. I want to combat them with truth and varied perspectives. So it might sound something like, you know what, here's what is true. In that case, I could say here's what is true. I value authenticity. So in the case that I fumble over my words, it's OK because that is authentically me in the moment. And that's how I expect other people to show up for me. Right? OK. And then it also could sound like, you know, if I pause, here's what I might notice. A different perspective could be.

19:40 So you're saying to yourself, a different perspective could be. Or maybe you ask yourself, what might people who know me really well say? And then finally you could ask like, what's one step I could take? So you're responding and combating those limiting beliefs with truth and varied perspective. Another thing that I suggest you doing it when you notice second guessing and self doubt. When you start to monitor that, like where is this coming from? I suggest taking on a power pose. A power pose could mean that I'm like stretching my arms, I'm lifting my head, I'm looking up, I'm taking some deep breaths to reorient myself and prepare to respond to that second guessing. When you are going through the cycle of recognizing the self doubt, monitoring it, and then responding, you're going through a cycle and it is a cycle because it never ends. You may very well find yourself second guessing immediately after you get curious and try to combat that with what's true. It requires significant effort and more in the beginning of this thought stopping process because that's what it is. It's a thought stopping process, but over time if it is continually practiced, your

21:13 brain is going to recognize this as the new way of thinking, right? If if I personified the brain it might say something like oh so this is what we do with second guessing and self doubt. It is such a great and powerful thing to become your own thought interrupter. Man, what a great title. I should have titled this episode Become Your Own Thought Interrupter. But it does require behind the scenes work and it requires you to have goal clarity, to have emotional clarity, to have social clarity because those things are going to allow you to combat that self doubt. I'm going to leave you with this, OK, after this first episode, which I'm so grateful that you've showed up for this episode.

22:09 I hope that you will share this with someone who you know is maybe right now in the midst of second guessing themselves. It could be that they are are second guessing whether they're right for a position. They're second guessing whether they should have a conversation with someone that might be a little bit challenging or difficult. They are second guessing whether they have what it takes to stand up on a stage and speak in front of people. They're second guessing whether they have the authority and expertise and credibility to present at a workshop. You name it. People second guess things all the time. No, they second guess themselves all the time. So here's what I want to leave you with at the end of this first episode.

22:55 Gain clarity about what is true and in turn, you will gain the confidence to put an end to the significant cost of second guessing and self doubt. Guys, I have so enjoyed this episode with you and I look forward to the next episode of Clear is the new confident. We will catch you in next weeks episode. Bye everybody. Hey listener, I am so honored that you listen to today's episode and I hope you gained something valuable from it. I'd also be honored if you did ME3 solid favors. First, subscribe to this show. I've got a lot of great content coming up and I don't want you to miss any of it.

23:41 Second, be sure you're following me on social media platforms. You can find me at. Catch up with Casey on LinkedIn or Instagram. And finally, if you were looking to book a dynamic and relatable speaker for your next event, conference, or retreat, I would love to bring a message about how the craft of clarity makes a significant impact on both leadership and life. Until next time, always remember dirty receives capacity.