Too Damn Happy: How High-Achieving Women Can Flourish in a Tired World (with Phil Januszewski)

0:04 Welcome to Clear is the new Confident. I am Casey Watts, speaker, author and the host of this show. If you are a high achieving, driven woman who has ever replayed a conversation and 2nd guessed everything that you said, or found yourself saying yes to things that you later regret, or have held yourself back from making a bold decision because you didn't think you were credible enough, didn't have the authority, or weren't quite ready, this is the show for you. On this podcast, we are making space for confidence, and it all starts with clarity. Clarity about who you want to be, clarity about how you want to show up, and clarity about what you want from both work and life.

0:49 Now, with all of that said, let's dive into today's episode and make some space for confidence. Hey, everybody, welcome to today's episode. I'm super pumped about today because I have a repeat guest. And I remember Phil, the first time that I had you on the show, just like today, we had technical difficulties and then it turned out like it was just an amazing show. It was one of my favorite shows that I've had probably because you are, I mean, the title of your new book perfectly describes you and we're going to get into that.

1:38 But if you're not watching on YouTube right now or if you're not watching on Spotify or Apple iTunes or Apple podcast, then you can't see that. Phil has a smile on his face already. Like he started behind the scenes. There's the music playing and I can see him behind the scenes backstage and he's like dancing the whole time to the intro music. So, Phil, welcome to the show. My gosh, it's good to see you, friend. I'm honored to be here. I'm glad that the technology gods are smiling on us today and I'm excited to have a good conversation with you. I'm grateful to be here. I know too. You're the people you pour into are typically women. So being welcoming and and allowing a male to come on, I'm exceptionally and especially honored.

2:23 Thank you. Awesome. Yeah. So part of the in this mission that I have for equipping 50,000 women to specifically high achievers and people pleasers to stop second guessing, say what needs to be said, and stand firm in their integrity and lead with influence. Part of that movement is highly focused on not only lifting women up, but lifting women up without putting men down. And there are so many valuable men that I feel like have such a great message to share. And you are one of those men. So I'm super excited to have you here. So, Phil, tell us a little bit about who you are and the work that you do. Hey thank you so much. I'm a former 20 year chemin physics high school teacher and in 2025 actually May 30th 2025, it was the last day in the classroom for me ever and I became a full time speaker. I have been speaking for many years as a side hustle speaker enjoying it pouring into people.

3:22 But the heartstrings finally got a hold of me and I felt like I have to do more than I am doing. And I my mission is to pour into educators and public health workers and help them not quit their jobs basically, but find joy and happiness and flourish inside the work they do and not have to wait till the weekends to feel that. And I love doing it. And you know me, I love to laugh with people. I like to entertain, inspire and energize. But in the end, I just, I just want people to be happier so they can enjoy the good stuff, the things going on around them right now. So honored to be here, friend. Yeah, it's going to be a great conversation. One of the things that I love that you just said, I mean, we won't dive too much into it because there's something else I want you to share before we dive into conversation.

4:05 But you did just mention like we don't have to wait for something to make us happy. It doesn't have to be something that we put off or wait for. And so I'm excited to dive a little bit deeper into that as we get into the conversation because I know a lot of people experience that they don't have to. So before you drop your let me be clear statement, what's one thing that just makes you super relatable human like the average Joe? Me. Oh my gosh. Everything about me is average and relatable, but everything I, I, I love just the simple things in life, like sitting down for a meal with my family is one of my most favorite things to do on this planet. I've got a 14 year old and 11 year old, and anyone who has teens knows that your time is ticking when they'll actually speak to you.

5:03 So the fact that they still talk to me at the dinner table is a big W right now. So we'll see how long that lasts, my friend. Yeah, dude, I'm right there with you. So I, I take my two boys to school. So my oldest boy, I have three teenagers, one of them is 19 and out of the house and she's getting closer to 20 every day. But my 18 year old and 15 year old, I still drive them to high school because my 18 year old just really is not excited about driving, which blows my mind because I was always, I couldn't wait to get on the road, but he just doesn't have a desire to do that. So I still drive them to school and they get out of the car and my 15 year old responds to I love you like immediately.

5:50 He's just so he's a lot like you feel. I feel like, like he's just jovial and happy talks on the way to school. And my 18 year old, I might like today I barely got an I love you back, but it wasn't even an I love you. It was, you know, like, yeah, like so I feel you there. OK, yeah, teenage, teenage life is is it can make it hard to be happy sometimes. OK, let's just say that. That's fair. You know what, though? I spent 20 years as a high school teacher, so like, I, I'm immune to it. But my wife is in the business world, so she's like, is this normal? I'm like, Oh yeah, this is very normal. Yeah, yeah.

6:31 OK. So let that's a great segue into your let me be clear statement. If you were going to finish that sentence off, what would you say? All right, not to not to upset anyone, but let me be clear, your happiness and ability to flourish is so much in your control. You don't have to wait for someone else to fix it for you. OK, now say more about that. Why is that such an important statement? Yeah. Well, I think being a human, the human condition is no matter what, there are challenges, things we don't enjoy, things that deplete us, that that is just part of the human experience. That and actually in my book, I mention it like the absence of those things isn't happiness, it's just neutral.

7:13 So if we want to thrive and flourish, it's up to us to actually do that. And to be able to be happy and flourish, we have to take action and we have to make choices that allow us to feel that way. And that can be a many different ways. And I don't know how deep you'd love me to go into that. But the idea really here is that when we sit down and we stop pointing the finger everywhere because there's so much out of our control, it really comes down to us and how we choose to move forward to allow ourselves to flourish or not. Not because everything is perfect or happy, but we flourish while living in the imperfections of the human experience. That that's a mic drop statement right there.

7:54 We flourish while Can you say that again? Do you remember what you said? Gosh, I was riffing right? We, we, we can flourish while still being inside our imperfect human existence, right? We flourish simultaneously. It's not like you get rid of it. It it's always going to be there. Yeah, that's great. OK, you mentioned and we didn't talk about this, but as we got started with the episode, but you just mentioned your book. It's titled by the way, Everybody too Damn happy. So great. Oh hey, and that matches late. Let me see the subtitle again. Flourishing.

8:35 Flourishing in a tired and uninspired world. Oh my gosh, so good. So I want to know what made you decide that this was the book and what made you decide on the title? And also when you posted that, like you had your copy, I think in the comments I said I'm maybe I said I'm too damn proud or maybe I said I'm so damn proud. And I was like, I hope I'm the first person to say this. You were you. Were, I think, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. No, I, I'm, I'm excited about it and thank you for bringing it up. It was something that accidentally came to be. You know, growing up and, and being a teacher and a speaker, I never thought of myself as a writer 100%. But over a year ago, it just kind of was on my heart. I've been talking, doing keynotes and different breakouts, all in the sense of flourishing and thriving and backed by positive psychology.

9:33 And I started to notice these patterns from adults that I spoke to that after I'd talked, they'd be like, man, I, I can't believe I haven't done this or I can't believe I needed this reminder. And I just started taking mental note of the things that seem to stick out to people the most. And from that, it actually, and I love, I love clean round numbers. It actually came to like 10 things that over the last few years, people really felt like this really resonated with me. I needed to hear that. So that became the 10 chapters of my book, you know, added an intro and an outro and, and that became it. So all of these things are things that I work on daily, not perfectly. I write the book with a complete sense of humility. I am far from perfect.

10:16 I make poor decisions every day. I say the wrong things every day. I am 1 flawed human 100%. However, I still choose every day to work towards thriving and flourishing, to make the world a better place and hopefully be the example in the world that I'd love other people to be as well. And that's what kind of made it happen. Now the title itself too damn happy. I think it has like a a double edged meaning. I've met people in my life where I am, I'm just I'm just too much for them and it's uncomfortable or annoying. 100% In fact, I had a student years ago who ditched my class quite a few weeks in a row. Finally, when the Dean caught up with the student, he said, why are you ditching Mr. J's class, man?

10:59 Like he's a super nice guy And he says, I know he's just like, he's too happy, man. I can't be around that. So they literally had to, they had to like switch him out of my class so, so that he would go to school. So, so that is like something I laugh at tongue in cheek too, that I'm happy, but also I want people to feel the way I feel often that it's like, I just can't believe I'm overwhelmed by gratitude that this is the life I have. And though it's full of many things that I don't like and that upset me and bother me, I'm still overwhelmingly grateful to be alive. And I'm and I'm happy and I want more people to feel that way. And you know, being a former educator, I know you are the education space too. Like those are some people, those are most amazing humans that need love more than ever. But what I found is that a lot of humans, adults need love, not just educators.

11:46 So I'm shocked at how my message has spread, not just the educators, but to many groups. Yeah, and it's really interesting too that you mentioned being in also the healthcare space with this message. I just visited with someone yesterday, so I'm interviewing lots of women for my upcoming book. And yesterday I interviewed a former healthcare healthcare worker as she might still be in the healthcare space, but she talked so much about the burnout and feeling tired and and things that you hear a lot of educators say, which I feel like probably comes with any kind of relational career that you might have. So yeah, tell us a little bit.

12:32 Do you mind going into the chapters? Like what are they? Could you tell us the titles of those chapters? Yeah, of course. I've got a bunch of them. Let me a couple of my favorite ones, one that seems to catch people's eye. It's called Wiggle Your Toes in the Sand, and it's about my friend Kim taught me this a long time ago from someone, something she heard from someone, the idea that in the moment you know when you're there, don't forget to wiggle your toes and be present and enjoy it and realize like all that you've done is LED you to this moment. And it doesn't have to be this grandiose Mount Everest moment. It's just this moment. Enjoy it. And I like that. Another one of my favorite chapters, one that my early readers have mentioned they really like, is that more love is the answer. And actually, in fact, that's my saying, more love, but more probably some copyright concerns on that. But I'm the only person who owns this hat, so it's going to be OK.

13:27 But, but, but the idea is that we need to meet people where they're at. And in a world where everyone is quick to judge, quick to anger, quick to be impatient, in the end, all of us are just humans, first of all, trying to protect and survive. And then from there, like we react to the world. And if we can approach people with love, it can make our lives a lot easier. I'd like to say if we can embrace, embrace the mess of humans, we lower our stress. And I think that love is the bridge that can do that. But there's plenty of other ones, like building structure, building the good stuff to your life. Know what lights you up. Learning allows us to actually grow and be inspired.

14:11 Challenges are are something that we have to embrace. Even though we don't enjoy them, they allow us to flourish more. So it's it's topics just like that that are quick hits. This is a quick read. I'm a very casual writer. Between 3:00 to 5:00 hours. You can read the whole book, but the idea is that hopefully it's like that shot in the arm you needed. Or just I like to say even when I speak like the guy with the bad haircut that just needed to help you zoom out of your life to help like reassess, like, hey, where am I at? And what do I need to do that's in my control to make my life a little bit better? Yeah, and I would imagine too, it's a book you can come back to. So yes, I can read it front to back, cover to cover, but I also could remind myself in certain situations, in certain moments where I'm really feeling down or burned out or whatever the case may be, I can go to the book and I can find like, here's something that I want to practice and implement. It's so funny when you were talking about wiggling your toes, you know what I found myself doing? What were you doing?

15:15 I was wiggling my toes. I mean, I got shoes on, but I was wiggling my toes and what I was thinking like being in the sand, like, what does that feel like? And then to just be, have you heard the phrase? I'm going, I'm not going to remember it, but it's essentially like be present where you are. So something about the idea of just recognizing, like truly sensing where are my feet right now and bringing awareness to what that feels like and being present in the moment, that really reminds me of that. I wonder about the word flourish. You've used that a lot.

15:57 Is there a reason that that word stuck out to you over other words? Because, and I know you do have the word thrive somewhere in your title, and that probably comes up in the book, but you specifically have been coming back to flourish. Yeah, I think, I think that we casually use the word word like happy, thrive and flourish all together. But but technically like, and I address this in the book right in the beginning and the world of positive psychology, those are all actually different things. So happiness we know is an emotion that we feel that comes and goes. You can't feel it always and forever. That's impossible. But a lot of times when we're thriving or flourishing, we often feel more often that emotion of happiness, which is great, those good chemicals, we love that. But the idea of flourishing is when we're living in our life in a way that some people would say you're in alignment or you're leaning on your character strengths. You're not only doing things that make you feel like you're contributing to something greater than yourself, but you're also doing it while simultaneously enjoying it. And by enjoying it, I mean that there's challenges that you're able to overcome.

17:05 You create a sense of pride in what you do. So the more that we can quote, UN quote, flourish or feel like we're thriving, the better not only our lives get, but the people around us as well. Because as you know, we dramatically impact the people that are surrounded by us. So yeah, 100% flourishing is the word like almost like a skill that we can do and work at, where happiness is like the outcome of that, that emotion we can feel. Can you take it down to a super practical level? Like if I was going to apply that and I specifically, I was listening to your episode with Darren that I think that went live this week, and one of the things that you mentioned that you do or that you enjoy doing is baking for people.

17:53 So even something as simple as that. Can you share more about strategies that you can use? Yeah, 100%. So if we want to thrive or flourish, we have to make decisions to help us move towards that. One of the ways to do that I love to talk about, I talk about this in my signature keynote too, is understanding your Ers. Your Ers are things that you love to do that light you up and energize you. So for me, I'm a Baker, I'm a cooker, but I'm a lot of different Ers too. I'm a father, I'm a partner. And usually, I don't know, but you know, when you're a mother, most days it's energizing, though some days it's really draining. If I can speak for both of us. But the idea here is, yeah, yeah.

18:34 Me being a Baker, but also like a giver and a pay it forwarder, I bring all those together in a way that is fun and challenging and meaningful to me. So when I bake a cake or sweets for someone, I'm thinking about them. I'm enjoying the challenge of baking. I'm enjoying the skill of getting better at it and just doing it. I enjoy. And then when I bring it to them and give that to them, watching them receive it, I know makes them feel good, but it also makes me feel good. And I think that's, you know, sometimes people like ask when you give, is that really selfless because selfishly you enjoy? And my answer is, I don't care. The answer is that I want someone else to feel good. And if I also feel good, that's a win win upward spiral. So I want people to think about in their life, what are things they enjoy doing?

19:23 Now they don't need to carve out three hours and bake a cake, but sometimes we can get these three little minute. It's maybe it's talking to your mother. We'll call her for three minutes and say, hey, ma, I only got a couple minutes. Just wanted to talk to you real quick. And maybe that's the energy you need because you're a connector and you're maybe a daughter. But but in the end, when we start sneaking in the good stuff and not just get to the point where it accidentally happens, but it's part of our routine and structure, all of a sudden now we start ending our days with so many little wins that we end net positive. That's a life that is now sustainable because we have more wins than depletions. But so many of us are barely hanging on to surviving because and our lives are depleting like, again, human experience.

20:09 But can we build in and sneak in the little things that help us get first of all the neutral and survive? And then can we get a little bit past it and thrive? That's what I'm pushing for. So good. I'm imagining even for myself, like one of the things that I think I would like to do after this episode is write down all of my Ers. Because I would imagine that a lot of people, specifically high achievers, people pleasers, Oh my gosh, there are some Ers right there. But I can imagine that because my value is sometimes so tied to my work and what I produce that I stop at just a few ERS.

20:55 And I might be passionate about those like I am a worker, whatever the word might be. Speaker Whatever it's, it's tied to the work that I do day in and day out. But if I can't extend that list and think about all the other ERS that bring me joy, then I'm going to feel depleted. And what is so also so interesting too, you know, when I think about like just the whole psychology behind like how your brain functions and how you'll you move, We stay primarily in system one where it's just automation habits, things that we do on a day-to-day basis. When we move into system 2, it is more analytical thinking.

21:38 We're able to learn, we are able to experience neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, all of those things. It doesn't have to happen with work. It can happen with being a Baker or for me, it's like I really enjoy, I don't know, upcycling thing. So I don't know what the error word is for that is. But you know, just the projects that I do at home, I love those things. But when I don't give myself time to invest in that, I am depleted and it affects my ability to produce at work, which effects my mental capacity, which effects how I view myself and feel.

22:23 And so it's limiting that that happiness. So, yeah. And that's that. Yeah, what you're talking about is that downward spiral then, as opposed to an upward spiral, correct. It does take fuel. Lori Santos, PhD and gosh, forgive me, I never remember if it's Yale or Harvard. I know that's a big deal to them, but it but it isn't to me. I respect them no matter what. But she says happiness is like a leaky tire. And when you're doing your urge, you're adding that air and it fills up. But if you stop adding that, the tire will leak. We're hedonic machines. We get used to status quo. So unfortunately, our survival instincts are just to survive. Mother Nature doesn't care if we thrive.

23:04 We just need to procreate. In fact, I say that in my book, like our goal is to just have babies and then get some species alive. And I said that's that could be a good bar pick up line if you're looking for someone, you know, our job is to just make babies. But but in the end, you know, it is, it's like Mother Nature doesn't care if you're happy. It just needs you to stay alive. We are the ones that want to choose that happiness. So we have to keep filling up that leaky tire because eventually the new thing, you know, it, it doesn't, it doesn't have the luster anymore. We have to do different things and experiences to make us feel like we flourish and thrive. And also, Casey, for the work you do, I think it's very aligned with the person you are. You like to give and serve others, empower others. That's very natural instinct for you. So I think it might, me included, thinks a lot of the work we do in this is very energizing to a certain extent because we believe in the work and it it blends very much so with who we are and a career at the same time. But with that being said, they're parts of the work, every job that are depleting that we don't enjoy. And that's when we have to again build in being passionate about our work sadly isn't enough.

24:18 So we have to build in those little things that are wins. And I think sometimes I, I say this in every podcast, but our egos can get in the way of that. We think it has to be more than just baking a cake or listening to some good music. Like I'm important and, and big and hard to move. It must be more to make me thrive. And it actually isn't. It's the little stuff that adds up to everything. I mean, majority of our life is all this little stuff added up. Of course there's watershed moments in our life that we remember, but it's the little things that actually are everything. Yeah. Yep, that's another let me be clear statement that's so, so important.

24:59 And it and what we lose sight of it because of the busyness and we're going, going, going. And yeah, OK, this whole episode, again, if you are only listening and you're not watching, you don't see Phil, you don't see me. But you are infectious. Like your happiness and joy are infectious. Like I feel energized and I want you to talk about that. You mentioned it briefly earlier, just the impact that it has on other people, but can you say more about what you've noticed with how it impacts others? Oh yeah. Actually, it's it's chapter 10 in my book. It's no happy and driven people. It's it's when you're around other people that are thriving or working towards thriving or are driven. It normalizes that idea of growth, of challenge. And when you're around people and you see them taking risks and putting themselves out there, it again, it makes you feel like, yeah, I mean, that's that's just what you do. And I mean, we're all a product of the homes we were raised in and why?

26:07 Because it's just what you know, you know, like my father taught me very strong work ethic. You're always early to work. You do your best to your ability. You don't stop until the job's done. You know, So when I work with people who don't feel that way, you think it's weird. It's like, why would why would why would you dog this job? Why wouldn't you give it 100%? You know, but but in their house, maybe that's just what they're like. No, work is just work. Like do the minimum and get home to your family. You know, and we all have different values. So when you find the people that align with you in a way that inspires you and allows you to thrive, not in a way where the comparison game makes you feel uncomfortable or in a way that you're not, you know, you look down on yourself, but in a way where they push you are like, I read this in a book years ago and I mentioned in the book engines and anchors in our life.

26:56 There's engines in our lives that being around them and being near them inspire us to be even better as ourselves. But there's also anchors, people who don't challenge us and they're not trying to hold you back, but they're just, you know, accidentally aren't really pushing you forward either. And we're anchors to people too sometimes. But it's a really good reflection point of who are the anchors in my life and who are the engines that are inspiring me? And then who am I an engine for and who am I an anchor for? It's very humbling. Sometimes I feel as a parent, sometimes I accidentally with my limiting beliefs, hold my own children back from like, what are you doing? You know, where I should be like, go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You fail.

27:41 You know, it's like that protective instinct as a parent sometimes as an anchor where I'm, I'm smoldering, maybe a fire they have that I didn't even realize. I mean, that's the burden of being a parent. We screw them up no matter what. It's just how bad. Yeah. That's exactly right. There's a there's a line in Friends where Monica and Chandler are thinking about adopting. They're like, you know, I want our own little baby that we can screw up in our own special way. Like that is a very, very accurate line. And yet I'm hoping that even despite all of that, we are able to instill some of the things that you're trying to instill to your children and that they are able to find books like yours and read it and learn and grow and be able to flourish. So yeah, Oh my gosh, this has been such a good conversation. And like I said, I this is energized me. And so I want to say thank you for that. Thank you for your personality and thank you for being too damn happy because people need it and I appreciate it so much. So where can how can people connect with you and where can they find your book?

28:56 Yeah. Thank you. If if anyone can spell my name, you'll find me. It's just Google Phil Janazewski and spell check will probably fix it up for you. But yeah, I'm everywhere. Everything. All my handles are just Phil Janazewski. And if you just search on Google like 2 damn happy.com or a two damn happy book, you'll you'll find it. It's on Amazon on and everywhere you buy books comes out Officially the release date is October 15th, but pre-orders are going and I've been honored to get a lot of really fun responses from some early readers. In fact, one of my friends 14 year old daughters picked it up and read it in a day and said she loved it. Never never wrote it for a teenager. But even if she said it really resonated with a teenager, which I think it's just a nice way of saying the way I speak is easy for even kids to understand, which? Is great.

29:45 Why wouldn't we want that, right? Why would we want that? And honestly, I like to pick up books a lot of the time that I feel like I'm just having a conversation with you, you know, like you're kind of sitting across from me and and talking to me about this. There's that's exactly the. Style. I'm incredibly casual of a human, so yes, yeah. Yeah, OK. Again, this has been great. So, Phil, thank you for coming on the show. OK, Thank. You so much your energy too. You are so supportive and a champion for me and we've never even met in person. But I love you and I appreciate you, and one day we will see each other in real life IRL. It's going to happen. Absolutely. All right, listeners, here's what I want to leave you with.

30:28 I would love to challenge you to do what I'm going to do today and make a list of your Ers to think about. What are the small moments, the small things I can do? How can I wiggle my toes and make small moments happen so that I can flourish and be happy? It's within my control. Love it. OK, Thanks, Phil. Appreciate. You love you, Casey. Bye. Bye. Bye everybody. Hey listener, I am so honored that you listen to today's episode and I hope you gained something valuable from it. I'd also be honored if you did ME3 solid favors. First, subscribe to this show. I've got a lot of great content coming up and I don't want you to miss any of it.

31:08 Second, be sure you're following me on social media platforms. You can find me at. Catch up with Casey on LinkedIn or Instagram. And finally, if you were looking to book a dynamic and relatable speaker for your next event, conference, or retreat, I would love to bring a message about how the craft of clarity makes a significant impact on both leadership and life. Until next time, always remember clarity precludes capacity.