Episode 73 | Leadership on the Rocks with Bethany Rees

0:00 Welcome to the Lead with Hope Podcast, the podcast that helps you lead and live with habits, optimistic mindset, purpose, and excellence. I'm your host, Brandy Kelly, author, speaker, and leadership coach, here to spark meaningful conversations that fuel growth and resilience. Each week, you will hear powerful stories and practical tools from leaders who face challenges head on and learn to lead with hope. Today's guest is Bethany Reese, an educator and John Maxwell Certified Coach with nearly two decades of leadership experience.

0:41 She's the author of Leadership on the Rocks and a trusted voice in helping leaders simplify complexity, build strong teams, and lead with clarity and confidence. Bethany brings humor, heart, and hard earned wisdom to every conversation, reminding us that even when the path gets rocky, great leaders know how to stand firm and rise stronger. Welcome to the show, Bethany. I have been looking forward to this podcast. You are so fun to talk to, so engaging, and I would like for you to start out and just share a little bit of your story with the audience.

1:21 So looking at my story, you know, I high achiever loved doing what I'm told and doing it well so that I get the affirmation and validation from people from accomplishing what they asked me to do. But at the end of the day, my life is I wrote a story in my head on how it should go. And then through prayer mail said, God, this is what I want for my life. And Kyle goes, that's so cute, but we're going to do it this way instead. And it's, and it was the battle of relinquishing the control of where my life, where I, my life should go and what I should be doing and how I should be doing it to grow where planted. And, and then also allow not only to myself to grow where planted, where God has planted me, but also allow his pruning to take place so that I have the right skill set for the next place that I'm planted. And that is what I've seen the fruit of in my life is stepping into a situation that I didn't necessarily want to be in. Or you know, where you get asked to take take a step into a position.

2:22 A lot of my life has been being asked to, hey, will you step into this? Will you step into this? And it's professionally, but it's also personally, even through serving. And every job that I've had professionally has been that way. And I'm like, well, I want to please people. So yes. And then I get in there and then internally I'm like, oh, I don't like this. This is, you know, I don't want to be a peg in a hole. But then God transforms my heart of saying, no, here's what I need you to learn here. And then it always leads to the next thing to the next thing to the next thing. So how I started in education, that was my background was I couldn't even get a job. My degree was in history. I love teaching history. I wanted to be very thematic and just set the the classroom on fire with accents and costume, but I don't coach anything fresh out of college.

3:11 All I could get was a long term substitute position. So I did that. I taught 9th grade, but then that led to guess what? My next thing, I did such a good job there that I got noticed that then I went into my my quote UN quote real job, which led to a master's degree in gifted and talented, which led to then using instructional technology, become an instructional technology coach, then instructional coach, then administrator, opening a brand new high school. And so that was the big lesson that I've learned is grow where planted because there's skills and character that you need in that and it will always lead to the next thing. Absolutely grow where planted. I love that that phrase. And I think it's important that, you know, we identify the challenges that we come up against in life and in leadership because as we were talking before I hit record, you can't separate the two.

4:02 Life and leadership. They happen together, your personal and your professional life. It happens at the same time. And I have noticed personally in my life, themes have reared their ugly heads both in my personal life and my professional life. So for those listening the audience, what advice would you give them in navigating those? Difficulties that adversity, the challenges in life when it rears its ugly head in your life and in your leadership. Well, I think first of all, you're stating a principle that we all need to recognize is true. A principle is, is universal. It applies all the time. Like gravity, right?

4:44 If I drop something, it will always fall. The principle that you're saying is whatever's going on internally will always spill out externally. That's a principle. So first of all, if I'm aware of that, as great leaders, we should always be bent towards proactive action. So proactively in private, I need to work on myself and my identity, any kind of label that I have on me, any kind of trauma that I've gone through, any kind of experienced. You know, I have strengths that I bring to the table, but I also have a lot of constraints and blind spots. And then I have confirmation bias that I tend to look for, and I'm not always aware of that. There's all this stuff happening internally and so privately I need to do the work.

5:26 If you're a faith-based person, dive into your faith and ask for God to expose whatever those things are so that when chaos comes and chaos will always come, there's another universal principle. You as a leader will always have problems, conflicts, constraints, always, it's going to come. You don't want all that chaos internally to spill out externally, right? And so do the work privately. That's the proactive action. Now, when chaos does come, and let's say you're not perfect, you're going to make a mistake. You're going to probably have, you're going to take AI. Think High Road and low Rd. A High Road leader responds well, they're very calm. They've collected their thoughts, so they're not making assumptions. They're staying curious.

6:07 So their feelings are not huge. They're not taking things personal. They're able to respond to the challenge. We want to be that. But occasionally we take the low Rd. We allow our thoughts to just spiral out of control with assumptions and stories, and then we have big feelings and big emotions and then we have an overreaction. It's happened. It's happened to me plenty of times. If that happens to you, the next step is to own it. You have to reconcile with the people in which you have overreacted. Own it, Take accountability for your actions and just say you know what this thing happened and then explain it. I allowed my thoughts to take this path and therefore had this emotion and this overreaction and that was not OK and I'm sorry. And so here's how I would like to, you know, reconcile not only the the action of how to solve this problem, but also the relationship because I've probably heard the relationship with that overreaction.

6:59 So those are the 2 of proactive and then kind of, I guess reactive. How do I overcome my overreaction? And it's so true. We need to recognize what's going on inside of us. And then when we mess up and we will mess up, we're human. We have to own it, and we have to take responsibility. And sometimes we have to apologize, you know, so that we can move on, forgive one another and live a life in peace and productivity. So I was thinking about this very thing just this week and what helped me to start living out some of these principles that you're talking about, you know, dealing with the internal mess.

7:43 And somebody pointed out to me you cannot spell message without the word mess. Oh, that's good. Yeah, we all have a mess. Some messes are bigger than others, but we all have a mess and we all have a message. But for me, in order for me to tell my story, to develop the scars and heal the wounds, I had to get still. And I feel like God told me Randy be still. I don't do that well if I'm busy, I'm not thinking about the internal mess. If I'm busy, I'm not necessarily feeling all of the feels, but I had to get still and I had to be obedient with with what God was saying to me.

8:32 And it was then that I started to heal from my mess, from my wounds. And during that time, I launched my book, I started my new business and I've kind of started a whole new chapter of my life. I know you as well have written a book called Leadership on the Rocks. And I'm just curious, you know, high, high overview, what, what's the message that you want to share through your story, through your book? I just love that you asked this question because it's so true. We have to go through pain and earn those wounds, but then also heal to where we have the scars and the limps and now we have a message. I have been through this hardship, but here's what I learned from it so that I can encourage you when or if you go through that same hardship.

9:21 And that's what the majority of books and messages and podcasts are about. And so mine is no different. So I I actually got a skip level promotion in education. I went from instructional coach at a junior high. And this is north of Houston in a very large district, so massive school systems. And so I went from a junior high to opening a brand new high school that was going to be 6 a so thousands of kids, you know, the anchor high school for that, that part of the community that was just exploding. The community had like 60,000 people in it. And in that skip level promotion, what I felt was first of all, absolute elation. Oh my gosh. You mean you want me to skip be an assistant principal, to be an associate principal, to establish the curriculum and instruction and culture of this building?

10:04 Oh my gosh, yes. I have so many ideas. Vision, mountaintop of promotion was where I was at. I was made for this. And then as soon as I, you know, got through that mountaintop of promotion of all the ideas and the vision and the goals, I literally felt like I got kicked out of a plane with a parachute that said, good luck. Let us know if you need anything. And then I crash landed on to this like horrible rocky terrain. And I had no idea what I was doing as a leader because again, there's there's no way to prepare for that. And so I felt immediately like I experienced Jumanji level 5 problems, conflicts and constraints, what I call the landslide of reality of being a leader. And I landed in this valley of despair and overwhelm. Is this what leadership is as an individual contributor? Man, it was nothing but positive affirmation for me. I'm always helping people.

10:55 I'm serving. It's great. And then as a leader, it was nothing but negativity. I have this problem. I have this conflict. Here's a constraint. You know, you have to hire all of these teachers, like 200 teachers in one year. And then how in the world are you going to find a computer science teacher when zero people applied like stress? And so and. And through that, I tell you, it broke me down. And I compare this. I am full of visual analogies. Forgive me. I'm a visual thinker. I feel like that whole experience was just stripping me away of all my pride, selfishness, arrogance, everything that I thought I brought to the table. Now, I still bring things to the table. It's important to know that. But it had to strip me away to say that I can control and do everything. Yeah.

11:39 And I learned that I can't. I just, it was such a hard lesson and I learned so much about the process. And so the book, the high level book, the view of the book is you are navigating a wilderness as a leader. How are you going to navigate it? And what I've learned through my experience, through my pain, and now I walk with a limp because of it is there are four things that you absolutely must consider when you're navigating any challenge as a leader. Number one is the head of leadership. That's your mindset. Your mindset is your GPS. It sets the navigation for how in the world you're going to navigate all of it. It's the biggest battle you face is the one in your own head as a leader. And so how do you capture your thoughts? How am I thinking about the the situation? And the next part is the heart of leadership. It's all about relationships.

12:27 As a leader, you're no longer doing the tasks, you're leading the people. How am I connecting, communicating and collaborating with the people involved? And so it's the heart of leadership. And then the third one is the hands of leadership. And it's all about execution. You've actually been hired to get something done. You have to improve scores, get results, increase profit, whatever that is. And so how do you organize systems and processes with great service to get the thing done? That's the execution piece, the hands. And then lastly, I learned this the hard way. It probably left the deepest scars is accountability. And that's how, how am I going to own it? And that comes with having the hard conversations, you know, and, and also owning the mistakes. And here's what the biggest lesson I learned with accountability of the guts of leadership is. So often I can look at people and say, you're being the problem.

13:20 But if I back up enough and I say, whoa, was I clear in the expectation? Did I provide training and then coaching? If the answers are no, it's not their problem, it's my problem. And so lots of lessons learned. But that is pretty much the essential message of the book Leadership on the Rocks. It's how to survive but also navigate and then thrive in that wilderness using that framework. Yeah, such powerful lessons in that book too. And I love that you talk about the mindset piece because you know, we are our biggest obstacle and it starts in the mind. That's where everything starts. And if we can take those those thoughts captive, there's often a way to overcome our obstacles through a simple reframe.

14:05 When we're. Yeah, when we're getting in our way, If we can reframe the obstacles into opportunities, just like you said, you know, if we take a couple of steps back and we look in the mirror and if somebody wasn't successful, did we coach them? Did we set clear expectations? And if that answer is no, we can use that to reframe and to help us to do better the next time to set those people up for success. But it's a it's a simple practice that we have to be intentional about. But I love the lessons, the head, the heart, the hands and the gut with accountability and ownership so powerful. So I often ask people on this podcast, you know, sometimes it gets a little bit heavy because we're talking about adversity, we're talking about obstacles, talking about the pain points of leadership.

15:01 What brings you joy, Bethany? What do you love? About life oh man so many things but let me tell you where I have found my absolute peace and I've I've learned 2 words that I just anchor too harmony and joy. We so often talk about balance and I am huge on how do you navigate professionally without it overwhelming your personal life because you also need to lead your family well. And what I have found is harmony. It's not balance. It's not a math problem. There are going to be seasons where my work, my professional works gets a little bit more of me than my family, but there's going to be seasons where my family needs more of me than my professional work.

15:44 It's harmony. Think about music. I'm not a music person. I Can't Sing a lick, but I do know enough to have. You can have different notes, they're playing at different levels, but together it's harmony. It sounds good. And that's what I shoot for is harmony between my professional and my personal life and that has given me. Now let's talk about joy. It's not happiness. Happiness is in a moment of a feeling. Joy is a piece about you despite the chaos that may even be around you. Doesn't matter the circumstance, it's not circumstantial. Joy is an inner peace that I have because I have harmony and I have peace. Shalom with God and with my family and how I'm serving at work. It doesn't mean I will ever out navigate or ever out proactively plan problems, conflicts and constraints. Where I find joy is now in my role as a leader is I can't always out structure again, problems, conflicts and constraints.

16:40 But you know what my role is and now I have joy in this is when they come and they're going to continue to come is my job is to run to it and then through it and to show people how to navigate it well. And, and I think so often we live in this absolute love of self help, where if you just implement my 10 step program, you will mitigate all problems, conflicts and constraints. OK, you can make them a little less, get proactive, get ahead of it, but you're not going to make them all go away. My job as a leader now and my hope lies and the joy of you know what? I have more confidence that my job is to run to it. That's why I'm here, and that's my hope and my joy. So I have harmony and I have joy, despite the chaotic world that we live in. That's beautiful.

17:23 I love that and it makes me think of that image you talked about visual images of the Buffalo, you know, being like the Buffalo and running into the storm and going through it. Sometimes the patterns in our lives, the themes in our lives, they emerge and they re emerge because we never really truly deal with it. We never get still and clean out the house, getting in every nook and cranny, opening every drawer and cleaning out every area of our life so that we can live a life that God has intended for us to live. And I believe that God has given each one of us a purpose and he has predestined what we, what we are to do in this in this life that he has given us. And your purpose is very powerful. Now when you think about your purpose, Bethany, you know, you've been a school leader, you've you're an author. Now you're a coach and a consultant. How would you describe your life's purpose? And so for me, I have to differentiate it a little bit. I am a person of faith.

18:34 So my purpose is love God, love people. That's my purpose. My calling is the way in which I engage with the world. And so I would say looking at the the talents or spiritual gifts or whatever the experiences God has given me and how to use them in that calling to love God and love people. It's very much I am an encourager. I can sit with people without judgment in the funkiest of funk that they're sitting in and just say, tell me all the things. I will not judge you because mercy is also very high in my spiritual gifts. And I can just sit there and say you're not alone. Let's walk together and figure out. I can encourage you. Let's figure out how to walk out of this. And so I think that is my, my calling. I, I, you know, looking at all of it doesn't matter the personality test you take or the strength finders or enneagram or disc, all of that stuff is you, you look at it and you say, man, God has enabled me in certain ways. How can I ensure that I'm using those gifts and talents to serve God and love people?

19:40 And so that's mine is I'm high in mercy. I love listening, I love encouraging and I love coaching. Doesn't mean I have all the answers, but I can only sit with you in the funk and you're not alone. And together we will figure out how to navigate it. And that differentiation between purpose and calling, it's important because I believe it is everybody's purpose to love God and love people. But a calling is something a little bit different. So I love that you differentiated those two. And then when you think about, you know, that that role of being a person who gives mercy, who encourages other people, you do that in your coaching. How does that how does that look in practice, Bethany?

20:25 Let me give you a couple of examples, and they're an education examples. So as an administrator, you do hours and hours and hours of duty. If you're either at a sport event or you're doing lunch duty or hallway duty, you're always doing duty, right? And so I was walking down the hallway during lunch duty. And then, you know, kids should either be in class or they should be in the lunchroom. And something just drew me down a hallway and there was a kid sitting in a hallway sobbing, a girl. And in that moment, I just, I literally sat in the floor, crisscross applesauce, and she's a teenager. And I'm sitting there and I said, hello, my name is Miss Reese. I am. And and I couldn't see her face. Her hair's all covered. She's sobbing in her hands.

21:05 And so I told her who I was and that I was going to sit there with her and that she could take all the time she needed. Didn't ask. You know, she's experiencing big emotions. People don't have logical brains and thoughts whenever they're having big emotions. I'm letting her have her big emotion. But she is safe. And so I told her that, and I think that's one of the ways now. We eventually got her out of the hallway to my office and all, you know, everything opened up about all that she had gone through. She had attempted suicide. This was her first day back to school after having been hospitalized. It was just a big thing. And we had a very close relationship all the way until she graduated. And so that is an example of just, I don't know, listen to those intuitions that you're having. Notice, if you notice something, you're noticing it for a reason. Step into that.

21:51 Don't just, you know, sweep it to the side and continue doing a task. Focus on the people. What did you notice? Did you notice a shift in atmosphere or body language or whatever? Follow that. And then looking at teachers, I'm going to go with the COVID example because that was the hardest thing I've ever gone through professionally. Again, in education, it flipped on a dime. I mean, we were literally, I was in Texas, we were on spring break and we didn't come back from spring break physically. Now administrators did and the anxiety of everybody, What are we going to do? How's it going to look from teachers to students to parents to the community, everybody. The anxiety was so high. I had 0 answers.

22:32 I enjoyed working in the state of Texas and I'm sure a lot of people experience this, but I it just felt like they changed their mind on everything. Every single day. It's like today we're doing this. Nope, tomorrow we're going to do something different. It was just constantly changing. You know, we had asynchronous and we had synchronous teaching. It was, we had to do dual platforms. It felt so chaotic. But at the end of the day, I sit there and I'm like, I'm going to put myself in the shoes of the teacher, the student and the parent. What's the number one question they're asking and how can I step into that and say, I see you, I see what you're asking, what you're feeling, what you're experiencing, and here's how I can encourage you in the moment. And so much of that led to constant communication, even if it was, I don't have a new answer.

23:13 And the whole point of this communication is I'm here and I am here for you, no matter what it is. And that was how I LED through. And that's how I was able to see around the corner. I think through COVID, I didn't always know the mandates that I could put myself in a posture of empathy for the people I was serving so that I knew how to reach out a little bit quicker to to meet whatever their needs were. Because whenever something like that happens, go back to Maslow's hierarchy, it's all about physical safety, emotional safety 1st. And those, those were the needs that I was meeting. And then we got to all the other needs of educational needs and all the other stuff. But those are just two quick examples. Yeah, those are great examples.

23:55 And, you know, I think that when you think about what we dealt with with COVID and you know, that example of the student who was sobbing in the hallway, those moments that we can step into a need and can really connect with somebody. Sometimes it's a trauma bond. Sometimes you are bonding with a person because that is a turning point in their life. And you were the helper, you were the encourager, You were the person that gave mercy. And I think about, you know, when my brother Brandon drowned so many years ago, that class, his classmates, they're still bonded.

24:36 It's a trauma bond. When we step into the messiness of life and we show up for those people, we can really change the trajectory of people's lives. And it feels good to be able to do that for other people. But in that service, we are also helping ourselves. It it is so true. And let me tell you one thing I learned. I'm such a, a feeler, an empathetic feeler. My first year, I was so weighed down heavy with every situation that I learned of whether it be teacher, student, whatever. And then I took it home and it affected my sleep. I had insomnia so, so bad. What about this person?

25:18 What about this person and I learned not just learned I could not live without going to God every single morning. I was waking up so much earlier than I had to to say God, you know every single soul that's going to walk through those doors today and every single need that they have. Let me be the hands and feet with whoever, however, but also God. I cannot carry their weight and their situations either. So I am coming to exchange it. And that's where I learned the process of just exchanging through prayer and scripture at the cross Here is this, this, you know, precious student who is going through some massive trauma, so much so she wanted to end her own life. I lay her at your cross in exchange for God.

26:00 Just give me spiritual discernment and knowing how to be there for her. And it helped me internally where I didn't walk around carrying, you know, this bag of rocks of everybody's problems, conflicts, constraints or struggles as a feeler. And I've learned to do that by exchanging it at the cross. They are your person. And I do it with my kids. I have grown children now, man. I am constantly. I picture my mind of them when they are infants. They are your. Children, please show me how to parent them well as adults because it's a different relationship. It is, it is. And as a control freak, you have no control over your adult children. And it is that act of letting go and giving it to God over and over and over again. And I'm in the same season of my life where, you know, my kids are making decision.

26:50 They're raising their own children. They've they've launched into adulthood, fully launched. And sometimes it's hard for me to just give it all over to God and to let them live their lives. But I know in the long term, that's what we're called to do. We raise them and then they launch and they're going to live their life at this point forward. But you talked a little bit about, you know, praying and, and giving these constraints and these problems and these struggles over to God. I started out in education as a school social worker. And one of the early lessons that I learned was to compartmentalize.

27:34 And when I started counseling, that's how I dealt with it. I would compartmentalize. I would say a prayer over my students when I left my office at the end of the day and I would leave it at the office and go home. But over the years I found that that really doesn't work because if you're compartmentalizing, that compartment begins to get very heavy and it begins to weigh you down. And so I think the better path forward is, is the path that you've provided for us here today is in the moment. Love those people with everything you've got. Be present and and help them in any way that you can. But I don't know that you can really compartmentalize.

28:19 But what you can do is you can say, God, I know I can't carry this burden, but I know you can. So I'm going to give it to you and then go home and love your family. It's so true. Can I, can I give the background of leadership on the rocks for a minute? Because I think it ties in perfectly. You know, in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus is given the Sermon on the Mount and there's so much amazing just how to live as a disciple of Christ in the Sermon on the Mount. So Matthew chapters 5 through 7 and he talks about, you know, the Beatitudes, blessed are the poor in spirit and blessed are, you know, the the morning and for they shall be comforted all these things. And then he also talks about anxiety, right? Who can add to their life a single hour with anxious thoughts?

29:05 You know, isn't life more than food, the body more than clothing? Like don't be anxious like he's telling us how to live. Don't be anxious, be light, be solved at the very end. Matthew's chapter, Chapter 7, verses 24 through 27, he's given all this of how to live as a disciple of Christ. And then he says, the man who you know, listens to these words of mine and puts them into practice is like the wise man who built his house on the rock. And then the rains came and the floods rose and his house stood firm, you know, but the foolish man built his house. Who doesn't listen to these words of mine, builds his house on the sand. And then the rains came and the floods rose and his house, you know, great was the fall of it, you know, And I think of the I used to sing my children the song. And the wise man built his house up on the rock. I used to sing all this stuff.

29:50 So I've heard this story multiple times. I've, you know, sang the song. But as I was going through massive hardship of how do I navigate problems, conflicts, constraints again, Jumanji level 5 every day, how do I navigate this? I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the Sermon on the Mount. This is how I love people. I love my enemy. The parent that is cussing me out have been spit on twice. Like, come on, I'm still going to love those people because that's what Jesus called me to do. It removes me from my emotions in that moment. And so as I'm looking at the Sermon on the Mount at the end, I was like, I just got to build my leadership on the rock. And I love puns. And I also know whenever people are stressed and things are not going well, they say my job is on the rocks, my marriage is on the rocks. You know what, I'm so stressed.

30:34 I'm going to have a drink on the rocks. That's a negative connotation. And I'm like, oh, let's take that. Let's take that lifestyle that we're struggling with every day. Everything is bad and it's on the rocks to wait. I'm going to love and live like Christ and I'm going to lead like that, and I'm going to build my life and my leadership on the rock with the most essential rock being Jesus. So that's the background of this phrase. I love puns too. So my own podcast, Leadership on the Rocks, has a whiskey glass, but really it's about coming to the rock of Jesus. I love that. And as a faith-based leader, that is the source. That is the only way that I know to get through the adversity, through the problems, the challenges, the struggles of life.

31:19 And, and as I said before, we all have a mess in our message. And what I think the most powerful way that we can use our message is to point people to Jesus. Yeah, and it doesn't mean breast knuckles beating him over the head of the Bible. It is how you love, you know, And I just think about going back to Jesus again. Those, you know, when I was sick, you took care of me. You visited me. When I was in prison, you visited me like how you love other people by just being kind, by being present, by noticing and just being there with them that is loving them like Jesus. It's not, you know, hey, can I open up the Bible and tell you the Scripture?

32:01 It's through that relationship of I'm going to be with you in the mess. I have my own mess, right by the blood of the Lamb. Salvation is Jesus is not ours, but the word of our testimony, All right, blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, our testimony, our message, how we've experienced pain and how we can encourage others through their own pain. That's what we're here for. And I think as leaders, I mean, we can look, there are story after story after story in the Bible that gives us solid instructions through parables, through stories, through scripture of how we are to live our life, how we are to love God and love people. And I think about the story of Mara, Mary and Martha, you know, Mary and Martha.

32:44 And one of them was focused on tasks as a leader. That was me. I was focused on the task. I I wanted to get the results and I wanted to control all of the things and make these things happen. But what we're called to do is forget about the tasks sometimes and focus on the people. And I can't remember which one I think it was. Was it Martha that was loving on Jesus? But no, Mary was loving on Jesus. Martha was the. Task Martha was the task taskmaster. Yeah. So, you know, she, Mary was loving on Jesus. She was washing his feet, she was taking care of his needs. And that's what we are called to do. We are called to love one another. And it's not always easy.

33:34 It's not easy when you have your keyboard warriors and they're saying terrible things about you on Facebook or they're blaming you because you didn't hire that computer teacher quickly enough. It sometimes it's hard and sometimes those internal struggles that we're dealing with are triggered by those negative comments or the commentary that we're reading. And it's important that despite all of that, we build our leadership on the rocks and we love people. But first we have to love God. We have to have that relationship with Christ and the thing that got me through the day, right. I told you I woke up early and I still do right. Bible study is so important.

34:14 It anchors my day for everything. I have coffee. I literally have my coffee cup right here running on Jesus and coffee right. And so that that anchors your day. But in the chaos of the day that the running, the busyness, I cannot tell you how much this helped me. This is like my number one tool. If I could give you a tool to use, it's actually 2 is pray. Pray before you go into that meeting. Pray while you're doing the task of supervising whatever. I mean, I can't tell you how many times. I mean, obviously we can't proselytize or or do anything like that in public education. But man, nobody controls my head. I'm prayer walking that cafeteria and all these kids. I know so and so's going through this situation.

34:54 Lord, be with them, be with their family. This kids, a foster child, please be with them. Like I'm prayer walking that thing as I'm paying attention. So I'm not on my phone checking my e-mail, right? Literally engaging with kids and praying for them. So prayer, pray before the big meetings. Pray before the presentations. Holy Spirit, come down upon me. Give me your words to, you know, speak about whatever it is that needs to be spoken about. And then the second one is have mantras to capture your thoughts. Our spot, our thoughts spiral so quickly. Yeah, they go so fast. Our brain is an amazing creation by God, but it's so fast before you get on the spiral of negative thoughts or judgments have a mantra to blow that first thought up to take that thought captive to Christ and the way that you do that. I loved memorizing Scripture and there's so many that just anchor If I am sitting in a conflict quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry right.

35:48 James 119 Always I say that in my head at Bethany B quick to listen, listen, listen, listen, so to speak. And then another one is like social media and spreading lies and miscommunication. Awful. And then stuff about you, especially when it's about you and you're just like, that's 100% not true. What that is not what happened. That's not what I said. Whatever I have to go to, I have to lean on, you know, and this is in Psalms and I don't even remember all the references all the times, but you know, God, I serve you, not man. What can man do to me? That's in the Psalm. What can man do to me? And I'm like, you know what, you're going to handle this and it's OK. I'll deal with it as I can. But also, this is a second.

36:30 Timothy 17 is God did not give me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and sound mind. I can't tell you how much anxiety and fear run how we interact with others. God did not give me a spirit of fear. I will take caps. I will take my thoughts captive to Christ and I will not have fear and anxiety and all the stuff about this got to have your power show me, give me discernment. So mantras, Bible verses, use them day-to-day in every situation that you're encountering. Yeah, I love quotes. And so the quotes that I had in my in my office, there were a number of them, but there's a couple that really stand out. And one my favorite Scripture is all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called in accordance to his purpose. Romans 828 And you know, all things work for good. That was one of the quotes that I had. And just having those visually in your office to help to ground you, to help to remind you to focus on the things, focus on these things, the things that are lovely. You know, there's a scripture that talks about that. It's important for us to have that front and center in our life.

37:36 And then I love those, those tools that you gave the audience to, to focus on prayer and mantras to help ground you and to help to keep what really matters at the forefront of our minds. Absolutely. Yeah. So I talk a lot about hope, and obviously we have hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. We have hope that tomorrow can be better, hope for a better future. And then I also talk about my system of hope, which are habits, optimistic mindset, purpose, and excellence. And I think that if we can utilize hope in any of its forms to fuel leadership, we're going to be a better leader. So do you have any?

38:23 Stories you would be willing to share or can think of off the top of your head about a hope fueled leadership story? I can, but I want to anchor it on a Bible verse. John 1633. OK in this world you will have trouble the take heart. I've overcome the world. Yeah. And you know some verses depending on how you read it. In this world you will have tribulation. Yeah. You know, the hard stuff is going to come. So know that that's a universal point. It's going to happen. But take heart. We are here in an imperfect world. But I don't have to own all that or fix all that. I just have to love God and love people in front of me.

39:06 And I think that is my greatest hope. The hope is always thinking about my current situation is not the end all be all of anything. There is a better future. That's hope. There's a better future, right? And I love your your framework to show us how do we focus on that better future through our habits. You know, for me, it's going to be a Bible study and scripture memorization and those things. Like there's so many things that through your framework that allow us. So having hope, no matter what you step into, whether it be in your marriage, in your parenting, in your professional life, you know, there's so many things happening politically, geopolitically around the world. And so many people are just running wild and crazy with fear and anxiety. Have hope in this world, you're going to have tribulation, but you know, Jesus has overcome the world. And so I think it's I'm going to go back to it's the mindset of as, as leaders, everybody's looking to us, is the sky falling?

40:05 Is the sky falling? Everybody's looking to you for answers and for validation and affirmation and all these things and encouragement. Your job as a leader is to encourage. You can never look at the people in which you serve as their leader and say. You know what? Yeah, things are bad. I mean, I'm not saying you don't acknowledge the truth. You say here's where we're at, but here's the hope for the future. You deliver hope for the future. That's what you do. You encourage, you show them how to navigate the storms. That's your job. And I think whenever you finally settle on that and stop saying, I can't believe I have to deal with this, I can't believe I have to deal with this, Get get out of yourself. They focus on service over self and you'll start seeing the hope there. And then you'll start leading with hope. And guess what?

40:49 You're going to start smiling more. Everything about you is going to exude positivity. It's going to exude hope and encouragement and also problem solving of how we're going to navigate this. So I just that's my help for. Everything. There was a 2025 Gallup study that they released, and it said that followers want leaders who have hope above any other, any other characteristic. It was hope followed by trust, compassion and stability. And for some people, that really surprises them. But it really doesn't surprise me because you know, our job as leaders, we cast a vision. This is where we're headed. This is where we're going.

41:30 And this is how I see us getting there. But having that hope that it's possible that we can create a better future together, that's what people want. Because we live in uncertain times and we know that our brain is not wired for truth. It's wired for survival. And the way that we have survived is by staying away from what's difficult, what's a struggle, what's not comfortable. And as you so aptly said, we have to walk into it. We have to face the difficulties of life, trust in something better than us, a higher power, God, Jesus, and walk into the storms and help the people that are with us navigate it. And I think that another really important leadership practice that will serve any leader out there listening to this podcast is surround yourself with people that are going to help you be the best version of yourself.

42:39 Because sometimes we find ourselves with people who are dragging us down. They don't want us to succeed or they're dealing with their own stuff. And because of that, they're really weighing us down and we're not able to realize our full potential and take our teams where we need to take them. We need to surround ourselves with encouragers and people who can help us to realize our potential. It's so true. And, and I'll throw out another one, competition. People can be so in competition with one another, getting working and focusing on the next promotion that you're now hoarding encouragement, you're hoarding ideas and you're not collaborating. And you know, the number one thing I learned as a teacher way back in the day 2000 is whenever you have a power struggle, let go of the rope. There is no.

43:27 Power struggle. You know you are not my competition. And the other one that that I learned probably in the superintendency is where I've learned this one. There's going to be betrayal likely to happen if you're in leadership for any period of time, and navigating that with grace and forgiveness is going to help you to be the best version of yourself. So good. I mean, even Jesus had a Judas, right? And, and, and so often we'll focus on Judas, which is obviously the major betrayal, but man, Peter even denied Jesus. 3 * 3 times. But in the Bible, I love it, Jesus before any of all that he said, and when you fall away, he knew Peter was going to deny him. When you do come back to your brothers, you know, come back and lead, everybody's going to make a mistake. We're going to.

44:14 We may not be the Judas, some of us, I hope you're not, but we're all at least gonna be the Peter. We're all gonna make mistakes and so come back, own that and then keep leading forward. So, so good. So you're. Giving me hope. I love. I love what you do. I love your message, I love your platform and your podcast, and I love that you bring every leadership principle back to Scripture. You know, that really encourages me. It really does it. It gives me hope. So as we're finishing up this recording today, I'm just curious, Bethany, what is giving you hope right now in the world? Who? You know what I have? I have growing children, right? Told you. I have a young adult Ness and I have a teenager in high school still, but one is officially launched and 1 is so independent. You would think that she was launched and it's it's my children.

45:05 I know so often society can look down on younger generations and be like these kids, you know, and then start labeling them all these things. I'm looking at my children and I'm like, it's a higher tone. These kids. Wow, like I just have hope for the future because of generation ZI mean I'm an ex and then I know we have millennials. I have brothers that are millennials. They're awesome too, but I'm looking at the younger generations and I'm like, I am so thankful for you and how you're growing and learning from the mistakes of your parents and from society. And I know that social media pushes algorithms that may show something different than that, but I'm telling you what I physically see in front of me and their friends. I have hope for the future.

45:52 Yeah, kids can really give us hope for the future. And, you know, whether I'm talking about my biological children or my grandchildren or the students that I'm getting to get to know in the CEO program here in Macoupin County, I, I have hope for the future. And it's bright. The future is bright with these kids leading the way. Yeah, it's exciting times for sure. So Bethany, do you have any passion projects or any anything that you're working on that you'd like to share with the audience? So, well, a couple what I mean, my book is not even that old. It's not even a year old yet. So the absolute number one passion I have is writing this testimony of just the ultimate survival guide for leadership.

46:34 Everything I wish I had known prior to leadership so that I could have served better. So the book leadership on the rocks, but I have a private passion that is actually small. Only a few people know about it, but I blog weekly and it is a faith driven blog. It's called rocks before sand, right? It's all about stop building sandcastle lives, building the rocks. So rocks before sand.com and I, I put out just a faith filled encouraging blog and it's, it's really just me sharing everything I'm learning. It's most of it's written based upon here's what I learned this week in my Bible study. And here's the mistake I made this week. And here's what I learned from it. So, but it's also very encouraging. So there's that. But so I have leadership on the rocks for the professional focus, but then I have rocks before saying for the faith focus.

47:17 I can't. I can't not do both. Right. And I think the faith, you know, for us who like that's my, my main core value, that's the most important thing to who I am. You know, God has to come first in everything that I do. And I think it's important that we anchor everything back to Scripture and to how this applies with an eternity focus. I mean, you know, it talks about in the Bible how after Jesus was risen from the dead, from that time forward, that's end times. We don't know how long end times is going to last, but we are in end times and being able to share our experiences and always pointing people towards Christ so that we can all experience and have the hope of eternity with him together. That's why we're here.

48:11 Absolutely, Yeah, that's great. Yes. I just hope everybody listening, I hope you feel encouraged and empowered to like, go forth and be awesome. Yeah, absolutely. That's the goal. That's the goal. And that's just we want to give people hope. We want to help people to live more productive, fulfilling lives, to have peace and productivity and, and just to to love God and love people. That's the purpose right there. So if people want to get in touch with you, how would they get in touch with you, Bethany? I am most active on LinkedIn so in LinkedIn it's just Bethany Reese that's REESI have no affiliation with the delicious candy of Reese with an alien. So Bethany Reese.

48:53 But my website is leadership on therocks.com. You can see access to anything that I have there. I have a ton of freebies. I have like an essential survival checklist to help you and I have a meeting agenda. So I have tons of freebies and I even have one on marriage. That's a good one. You know, a lot of times we don't think about leadership in marriage, but so that's a freebie as well. But leadership on the rocks or LinkedIn, I do have Instagram and Facebook, I'm just not as active on those. So LinkedIn is the best place. Now to check out that marriage resource, Bethany. I mean that is that's probably a whole nother podcast recording, but leadership and relationships. Yeah. So my husband, I've been married 25 years and it's literally all the lessons we've learned, like 1 per year. And it's just so funny.

49:34 You can see us aging through the whole process of the lessons that we've learned. Yeah. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we got married right out of high school with, with my brother Brandon passing away when I was so young. I, I, we wanted to hurry up and do everything right. And so we got married right out of high school and we have been married for 33 years. That makes me feel very old. Bethany 33 years. But we grew up together, literally grew up together. And every lesson that we've learned has, has been hard fought, but I think we, we finally have found a way to love each other despite of all of our flaws and our inadequacies and our different personalities.

50:26 We're both oldest children so we butt heads quite a bit still, but we we definitely love each other better and more fully than we ever have in our in our marriage. Man, what a testimony. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. You got to lead in your marriage. You know, if you have chaos at home, it's going to breed chaos at work. So take care of your home. Lead the most important organization. Patrick Luncioni says. It's the most important organization you'll ever lead is your family. So lead well there first, my friends. But. Bethany, I love talking with you. I think it's the same, yes. Thank you. I just, I do. I feel like it's completely off the cup. I feel like we're having coffee and we could just talk for hours and hours and hours and just walk away. Just like I'm ready. I'm ready to take on the world. Let's go.

51:06 Yes, we're ready so well, thank you. I appreciate you coming on the show today. Thanks for tuning in to Lead with Hope, where we share stories and strategies to help you rise, lead, and redefine what's possible. If today's episode inspired you, please take a moment to like, subscribe, and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more leaders like you who are ready to lead with heart, purpose, and resilience. Don't forget to visit sparkhopeedu.com for resources, upcoming events, and tools to help you build a culture of hope in your life and leadership. We're so grateful to be part of your journey. Until next time, keep leading with hope.