Episode 120 | The H.O.P.E. Reset: Reset your Leadership & Reclaim your Purpose.

speaker-1: leadership is heavy. hope is something that we need now more than ever. And so that's what today is about. It is about giving you a hope reset for your leadership. And reclaim your purpose.

LWH Podcast Recording: Hey friends, welcome back to the Lead with Hope podcast. I am Brandy Kelly, and today we're going to talk about something that I think every leader needs to learn how to reset. And honestly, I'm sharing this with you today because I needed to reset myself. This past Wednesday, my daughter and I hosted a Facebook Live, The Hope Reset. And guess what? It didn't go according to plan. We had some technology issues and had to pivot. Things were happening behind the scenes. It just wasn't what I had envisioned. And in that moment, I made a choice. I could have focused on everything that went wrong, and I could have gotten frustrated and I could have let this unexpected situation derail my whole program. But I decided to practice what I preach. And this experience reminded me that. Leadership rarely goes according to plan. And we can use tools like the hope reset to help us to get back on track. I have recorded the hope reset and I want to share it with you today. it gives you the five R's, it gives you the hope reset. And I hope that it will serve you well today. So with that, let's go ahead and get started.

speaker-1: you guys are my people because you know what it is to carry a lot. You carry decisions, you carry responsibilities and expectations. And just because you carry it doesn't mean that you have to carry it alone. So today we are going to stop, we are going to pause, and we are going to experience a hope reset. I'm Brandi Kelly. I am the host. And I have over 20 years in education. I have gone from school social worker to principal to superintendent. I've also done a lot of different assessments throughout my career. I've done the disc assessment, which is one of my favorites these days, and I am a DI. So that means I am direct, I'm decisive, and I'm influencing. I like results and I love people. So that is why I have pivoted from education and now I am doing work that invests in people. And that is what I'm gonna tell you more about later today. But today I have a special treat for you because I'm joined today with my co-host, Morgan Roberts, and I'm gonna let Morgan introduce herself.

speaker-0: I'm Morgan Roberts. I have not been in education. I went down a different career path than my mother. I went into healthcare. So I've been in healthcare a little over 10 years, eight of which I have worked for a company called Owens a Minor. It's a healthcare distribution company, one of the top three in the nation. And over the last three years, I've actually had the opportunity to coach and lead a teammate, a team of my own. I have three years now in experience in leading a team of 10 across five states in sales. so I've really enjoyed doing this. I feel like it's something that is is my passion. really love working with people, with teams. and with that, you know, I've taken a lot of assessments as well. one of which is the working genius. And so my working genius result was GI. So I am a galvanizing inventor, which really means that I like to come up with my own ideas. and really build a team to help bring those ideas to life and make sure those ideas are successful. so had really good time, you know, in sales. I feel like again, it's my passion, but it's really interesting because a lot of times I try to take a step back to think of what did I want to do when I was a kid? What was my childhood career aspiration? Like what was something that I felt I could be good at, or you know, what was what drove me when I was four, five, six years old. And honestly, what I wanted to be was a doctor. I wanted to cure cancer. Again, this is coming from five-year-old Morgan saying, I want to cure cancer because my grandma had died around the time I was five. so that was kind of where my drive was, where my passion was. I held on to that until I got to be about a sophomore in college and I failed probably my second chemistry class. And I went back home that summer and I looked at my parents and I said, I don't think this is gonna work. I don't think I could be a doctor. And my dad said, Well, you're good at math. And I said, Yes, I am. And he Well, why don't you pivot and go into business? And so that's what I did. And so really, you know, kind of taking on to that childhood dream. I still went into healthcare, just different. I revamped my vision. And so as we kind of go into the next slide, I think my mom will share that here in a minute. really want to see based off who's in the room, you know, what were your childhood dreams? Do they relate to where you're at today? Did anybody say they wanted to be a doctor and now they're a doctor? Did anybody say they wanted to be a principal and now they're a principal? I think it's interesting as we go back to when we were a little kid, to you know, those dreams and and what we wanted to be. because I feel like a lot of times you have to go back to that before you figure out where you want to go next. And so I'm gonna share the slides. Everybody can see the screen. So that's me. Five-year-old me, I was a And then as we go to the next picture, that is Brandy. She was probably four or five in that picture, and she wanted to be a waitress. And then the last picture we have on the slide is actually my son, who just turned four. And so we asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up, and his answer was a fire truck. And I think his answer was a fire truck because he sees the fire trucks and he doesn't realize he actually wants to be a fireman who drives a fire truck. So we've kind of asked him why he wanted to do that. his answer is, you know, pretty a four year old type response. He wants to put out fires, but I think at the end of the day, he really wants to help people. And I think as you look at the three careers that each of us kind of wanted to be when we were younger, is we really wanted to help people.

speaker-1: So as we're thinking about that, reconnect with what you wanted to be when you were little. What did you do in play? I would love to see what you hoped to be when you were a little girl or a little boy. I talked a little bit about the DI style. I wanted to be a waitress to serve others. I wanted to be a teacher because I loved playing school. I wanted to be a nurse. So that helping and that serving, it really came through in my early development. How about you guys? Now I'm going to share a little bit more of my story. this is my story. This is my song, praising my savior all the day long. I love that song. And I love that first line. This is my story because we all have a story. Every one of us here today has a story and it shapes who we are. And for years, I was that leader who believed that my job was to carry everything. And honestly, I became very good at carrying everything. But I forgot how to put it down. Have you ever had those moments where you are carrying everything and you forget how to put it down? Now that carrying didn't start when I was a superintendent. Didn't even start when I was a principal or a social worker. Started when I was fifteen years old. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, and like Cinderella, I was home cleaning the house while my two younger brothers were riding horses. And that day my thirteen year old brother, he drowned. He didn't come home. And then nine years later, my beautiful mother had cancer. And she died just five months after the diagnosis. I took care of her the last month of her life. It was heavy. It was a privilege. It was a responsibility. And all the while I was raising my own family. I was a wife to Jeremy. I was a mother to Morgan and Ryan. And I was building my career. I'm sure you can all relate to that. And there's so much more that we could talk about. And you know, through all of those experiences, I learned how to survive. when I was navigating the heart of grief and loss. And those lessons that I learned have served me well. And I'm sure you can relate, and you have lessons that you have learned as you have carried and you have navigated the hard. But I have also learned that there is a cost to living in constant output. And eventually I would learn that lesson again through my leadership. Sometimes the most important thing that we can do as leaders is not to do more. That was my default. I pushed. I did more. I took more classes. I just kept adding to my plate. But I simply needed to pause. And I didn't make the decision to pause, but God made that decision for me. A little over a year ago, I was the superintendent. It was a dream that I had. Not one that I started out with, but one that I developed over the years. And I got to that spot. And on the outside, I looked super successful, but on the inside, I was running on empty. And guess what was paying the cost? It was my health. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I was completely running on empty. And in that season, God spoke to me, not in an audible voice. But he spoke to me nonetheless. In my spirit I heard him say, Be still. Be still. That is not easy for me. I have learned how to stay busy. That is probably how I coped. But I have written this devotion, When Life Speaks. It's in the editing phases right now, ladies and gentlemen. And I am excited to share some of the lessons I've learned through my life through this book when it is finally published. You see, taking care of yourself. Isn't separate from leadership, it is leadership. And we can learn that lesson the easy way or the hard way. And oftentimes, I don't know about you, but I learned my lessons the hard way. But that is one of the lessons that I talk about in my book, When Life Speaks.

speaker-0: So today, what we want to ask you guys, knowing that the heart is real, but also knowing that it's not the whole story, how are you guys doing today? And not the traditional, you walk in the hallway, someone says, How are you doing? And you say fine. I don't know about any of you, but fine is the four-letter word that I cannot stand. I'm sure there's others, but that is the one that growing up, I feel like every time I would get ready or go do something, it was my mother's favorite word. I would say, hey, how does this look? it's fine. And so now as I'm older and I've realized when people say fine, it's just a word I think that sometimes they throw out because they don't want to dig deeper. They don't want to dig into the real story because it's hard, or they don't want to be as transparent as they should be, right? I think a lot of us kind of walk and we want the world to see something and have the rest of it in our closet. And I think sometimes it's important to share it all. because I think that's what helps you grow and be as good as you can be.

speaker-1: This five-step reset that we are going to go through today, I think is going to really serve you well. So I'm glad that you're here today. And as you navigate those hard conversations, I know that the hard is going to bring about a lot of possibilities. All right. on the screen, Morgan found a clip from the St. Louis Post dispatch from when my brother Brandon, who was 13, he was in seventh grade, he drowned. And the divers went in on a Monday after he went into that creek on a Saturday, and they pulled his body out. I was on my four-wheeler searching for him still, and my uncle stopped me and he said, Brandy, he's not here. Go home. He saved me. From seeing something that I would have never been able to unsee. in life, your heart may not be navigating grief or loss or tragedy. But we all face hard. Adversity strikes us. It's not if, it's when. But you know what? The heart isn't the whole story. We can see the possibilities and we can. Absolutely shape a brighter future, not just for ourselves, but also for those that we lead. And one of the ways that we do that is through the five R reset. So I'm going to let Morgan talk to you about the five steps, and then she's going to share with you how she regulates.

speaker-0: So as you guys can probably see on the screen, the five R's that we built as part of this hope reset is to number one, regulate. I know that's challenging for a lot of us to do because as Brandy mentioned earlier, sometimes we regulate by putting more on our plate because we try to stay busy and sometimes we just don't know how to do it outside of that because that's kind of why how we're wired. number two is recognize. Number three, reframe, number four, reconnect. Think that's a great one too, even with this small group today. It's good to have community around you and reconnecting with others. Again, we'll share more later in the slide, but even sharing what we shared in the chat, I think it's it's good to have a community behind you to support you in the hard and in the good. and then number five is respond. So for the first step, regulate. I definitely have a hard time doing this because I'm one as well that I like to just put more on my plate. I go Chase as many things, try to stay busy. but I will tell you some ways that I've found helpful to kind of get grounded is really getting grounded in nature, getting grounded in what you know, God gave us. So some of my favorite places on the screen with my family is the beach, the mountains. I know we asked some questions before this Zoom call as far as what what are some of your favorite places. Some people said ocean, some people said mountains, but for some of you, maybe sipping coffee on your front porch. Or it it may be, you know, just kind of going camping in the backyard. It's just the simple things that I think can help us. We just have to figure out, you know, where can we disconnect so that we can make sure that we're grounded and that makes us better, right? I think it goes back to practicing the pause as well, which this person to my left taught me how to.

speaker-1: Absolutely. like Morgan said, the ocean, that's our happy place. We love the ocean. But my husband, not a big fan of the ocean because of the beach. He prefers the mountain. So for you, what is your happy place? What is that place that helps you to get grounded so that you can regulate? Now, step two in this hope reset is to recognize. Recognize what is really happening. Once you slow down, you can kind of see what's going on in your body. And I think it's important that you consider the whole person. Mind, body, and spirit. For years I coped by doing more, by continually going to school. I graduated from high school and then I went to college, and then I went back to college, and then back to college and back to college until it was 2023 when I finally earned my doctorate in educational leadership. And all of those moments were proud moments. But I will also tell you that that was how I tried to regulate. I never stopped to really recognize what was happening in my mind, body, and spirit. I wasn't healing from the heart. I was just adding more to my plate. And over time I realized that that does not satisfy. It is so important that we pause and we regulate and then recognize what is going on within ourselves. mind, body, and spirit, and also the story you're telling yourself about what is happening in your body. I don't know about you, but sometimes I lied to myself. And we have to take captive the thoughts that are going through our mind and check them against the principles, against our values. I check mine against the word of God. And we have to get honest about what is actually Happening, not the story that we're telling ourselves. And then step three, reframe. Zoom out and widen the lens, ladies and gentlemen. Reframing starts with a very simple question: What else could be true? Sometimes in leadership, it would be black and white thinking. That situation where I worked really hard and I put together this great PD and now they're fighting. They're not happy. I took that personally and I thought, what did I do wrong? I had to reframe the way I looked at these problems and obstacles. Nobody thinks about me as much as I do. And nobody thinks about you as much as you do. So oftentimes it is not about you. But when we get stressed, our vision, our our perspective, it narrows. And we see things through that very narrow lens. So today I want to encourage you to widen that lens and stop making assumptions. Stop trying to fill in the blanks and just look at what else could be true. Because it's probably not about you. And for me, I learned this through the disk assessment. The disk assessment is one of my favorite assessments these days. I've been doing it with all of the principals and the school leaders that I'm coaching. And it will be part of what we talk about in just a few minutes, too. But the disk assessment helps you to see your default settings. It helps you to better understand your blind spots, how you communicate. And how you could better communicate with your team. Communication is something I believe we can all improve on. And like I said earlier, I'm a DI. So on this slide, you can see that as a D, I'm task-oriented and outgoing. And as an I, I'm influencing, people oriented and outgoing. But you know what? When when stress comes, when I feel overwhelmed, when I feel uncertain, I try to take control of things. And it wasn't until I understood that that awareness created choice for me. And I was able to make the choice to let go of the rope a little bit and to get back to what really matters most, which is what step four tells us to do. Reconnect. What matters most to you? This could be your values. You know, for me, my values are faith. Family. this is an old picture, guys. This is my junior prom. Look at that big hair. We were babies. Jeremy and I were high school sweethearts, as I told you before. And after God, he is the most important person in my life. And then my family. My kids didn't make the screen, but they they're in my my top three also. they are very important to me, but these are three of my four grandbabies. We had Family pictures taken, and three of my grandsons are there with me and Jeremy. What matters most to you? For me, faith, family, and service. And that kind of takes us back to that activity Morgan did earlier. What did you dream about? What did you want to do when you were a child? I wanted to help and serve people. That's where I felt the most fulfilled. But you know, my DI style. Sometimes that default setting was about getting things done. It was about productivity. And I can become very productive and very disconnected from my purpose, which is where I found myself in that superintendent seat. And I want to share with you that leadership isn't just about getting things done. It's about remembering why the work matters in the first place. So think about why you wanted to become an educator. Why did you want to become an educator in the first place? my reason for going into education goes back to that rainy Saturday afternoon when Brandon drowned. Our community held hope for me whenever I felt very hopeless. They helped me to see that better days were ahead and that they were there to support and to love me and my family through the hard times.

speaker-0: I didn't go into education as I mentioned earlier, but I think one of the reasons why I went into healthcare was to help people, but also the connection. I remember whenever I was in college and I was talking with one of the counselors about what I wanted to be. You know, I asked them, I was like, is there a job that you can just go talk to people and you know, just enjoy your everyday? And they're like, Well, what about sales? And so that's kind of you know how I got into this path. Cause honestly, I was that kid in school too, that the teacher had to move. Because I was talking. and you know, I remember one time my mom said it it really doesn't matter where you move her because she talks to everybody. So now that I get to do that as a job, I think that that's awesome.

speaker-1: Yeah, and that's a true statement. It didn't matter where they moved, Morgan. She was that kid. She always found people to talk to. Now the last step is step five. of the Hope Reset, and that is to respond. Choose the next right step. And sometimes this can feel very overwhelming. We have a lot of decisions, a lot of noise. It's a very noisy time in our world right now with social media and technology and all of the political issues that are going on. A lot of noise, a lot of problems and uncertainty and stress. But if we zoom in, And we don't try to solve every problem, but we just choose the next right step. Sometimes that's the best thing that we could do. And whenever I decided to leave the superintendency, as I said, it had been 23 years of you know climbing that ladder, of going back to school and getting more education. And I thought I had arrived. And I stepped away. Because of my health and just that awareness that I was no longer connected to my purpose. My next right step after I stepped away was to finish writing my book, Lead with Hope, building a system of self efficacy. And I did that to share the stories from my time in leadership and to give other people hope, to show them that they can build their self efficacy and their confidence through habits. Through mindset practices and through that re-reconnection with their purpose so they can live that life of excellence. None of us want to be average. We want to live a life of excellence. And then last March I released my first children's book, Spreading Sunshine with Kindness, because when my first two grandsons were born, there was so much joy in my heart. And I wanted to share how you could spread sunshine with kindness. And it's all based on Jensen and Rhett's Kindness Adventures. They take kindness from Nana and Pa's house to the school, and they are the light in their school. And that's what I want for my boys, all four of them. I want them to be a light in a dark world. So for you today, I want to encourage you to utilize this hope reset, to utilize these five R's. a very simple, practical tool that you can do through the pause. And so now it's time for active reflection. So, Morgan, do you want to lead them through this reflection prompt? Yeah.

speaker-0: Yes, So today really wanna help understand what is one current challenge that you're faced with and how does that affect the way you lead. It's just something that you can write down in your journal. Keep for yourself. If you want to share, feel free. but it's just one thing that we wanted to leave here with you guys today as we reflect on the five Rs.

speaker-1: I want to close out with one final story, Just a reminder that we don't have to do this work alone. Sometimes we feel like we are on an island and we are all alone in the work because let's be honest, there's only one superintendent, there's only one principal, and you are a leader that is carrying a lot. One of the things that I learned, I learned it during COVID, and you can see in this picture. It's me with my school staff. I changed jobs during COVID. That sounds crazy, I know. But I had the opportunity to become a middle school principal. And I'm one of those weird people that love middle school kids. So I jumped at the opportunity. And one of the best things I did during that time in my life was to invest in myself. And I signed up for coaching, a coaching cohort, like I'm going to share with you today. And through this coaching cohort, I was able to take the challenges that we're we were facing during COVID and take it to that group. And we talked about those things. Our leadership looked different because we were all in different areas, but we were navigating hard things together. And we became each other's grace givers and truth tellers. As the anxiety was high, as the stress was high, we had people to turn to. both in our monthly coaching sessions and also through email and text. And it was life-changing for me. It gave me space that I didn't give myself to pause and to think, to reset consistently. And so those grace givers and those truth tellers and that coaching co cohort really is what helped me to get through a lot of hard times. And that is exactly why I created What I call the Hope Collective. a space where you are going to get VIP coaching and networking. It is going to help you lead and live with greater clarity, purpose, and hope. And here is what you're going to get specifically in this cohort. You're going to get a disk assessment. This has been transformational in my leadership. And also in the leaders' lives that I coach. We do the disk assessment and then we create a personalized growth plan for you. And then when my book is published, you are going to get the first copies of my devotion and a faith journal to accompany it, a reflective faith journal. And then finally, you're going to get the monthly coaching on Zoom the third Wednesday of. Every month from October to March. October being one of the hardest months and March being one of the hardest months. I'm going to take you from one bookend to the other. And the investment for this is an investment in you. We invest in our students. We invest in our staff. But when's the last time you invested in you? This investment is $197 a month, or if you pay in one lump sum, it's $1,077. This investment in you could be your next right step. if you're ready to lead with hope, I'm going to share a welcome package with you with a founding member badge that you can share in your network. And if you have any questions, any thoughts, any wonderings, feel free to drop that in the chat. I've also put the link to join the hope collective in the chat. If you need that, I would love for you to sign up. If you know a leader that needs that, please share it with them.

LWH Closing: That's a wrap for today's episode of Lead with Hope. ⁓ Remember, ⁓ the world needs your leadership and change starts with you. ⁓ Fuel your life with HOPE, embrace your purpose, and shine your light for others. ⁓ If this episode inspired you, I'd be so grateful if you could take a moment to give us a five-star rating and share it. ⁓ Every review helps spread HOPE ⁓ and empowers more leaders to rise. ⁓ Thanks for listening ⁓ and until next time, ⁓ keep leading with HOPE. ⁓